Lego

I'm feeling very thankful this evening for many things: friends, yarn, family, music, candy, wine, husbands, babies, and LEGO! Yes, Legos and blocks are really big now at our house, even if it is just Chris and I who are most interested in building with them, while Calvin is more interested in knocking stuff down.

I think at this point in time Lego reveals much about the personality of each person in our house. Obviously, Calvin is in Destructo-Baby phase, so he likes knocking things down. Chris, the engineer, spends his time building sensible, symmetrical structures, and the occasional Star Wars character.

Meanwhile, I myself am into creating zany, Suess-like buildings that would make no sense or have any real use in normal life. 

Then again, sometimes my Type A personality shines through and I just have to categorize everything by color. Just because. Although, they are still in interesting shapes instead of just stacks...

Anyway, enough about Legos. 

Calvin got a visit from his great grandparents today, and although he was initially tentative (he hasn't seen them in four months...and when you're 16 months old, that's a long time!), he warmed very quickly and was soon reaching for Nana and dancing with Grandpa. Too fun. So thankful my grandparents can be a part of my son's life! What a blessing is family. 

Little Baby

My sister just had her third baby this morning via C-section at a mere 33 weeks into her pregnancy. Little Davis Ryan Burge is only 4 lbs, but both baby and mama seem to be doing well.

It was pretty scary for me to think about my nephew being born so early...I thought about tubes and incubators and the NICU and him not being able to breast feed or see his mama right away after being born, and my heart just cracked a little. And all I could do from several states over was pray and check my phone obsessively until I went to bed.

Life is so precious and so fragile. But the God I serve is so big, so in control, so sovereign over everything that it is actually tough for me to worry these days. What a gift. I know it will be alright in the end. If it isn't alright, it isn't the end!

So I continue to pray for Davis and leave him and his mama right where they belong: in the hands of our heavenly Father.

Welcome to the world, little one. I know the outside is bright, cold and loud. But trust me, everything is going to be alright.

Slump.

Maybe this is the mid-month slump...or maybe I just had a nice, normal, unremarkable day? 

A great time of reading the Bible this morning...after an embarrassingly long hiatus from that practice. 

A wonderful time of visiting with a lovely friend...after an embarrassingly long time of not seeing her. 

A music teaching job interview/audition, a trip to the library for story time, continuing knitting a sweater for charity while watching TV episodes on my laptop after I put the baby to bed, and now catching up with my husband after he had a 12 hour day away from home. 

Then there's the blog...no profound words, no photos to prove anything. 

Slump...or maybe just life being lived? I dunno. 

Ode to Mama

This is my shout out to my mama-san on her birthday. She's such a beautiful lady, inside and out.
She had me fairly young, so we've spent our lives together...

...and we all knew the day would come when people would start mistaking us for sisters...

...even though she is old enough to be my baby's Yaya!

So blessed. I love you mama! It's been a great ride and here's hoping for many more years. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Thank you.

I want to say today that yes, I DO know that Veteran's Day means so much more than a giant 50% off  sale at Savers every year. This year, I just want to say thank you to those men and women who have fought and returned home, and to those still serving in our military.

The topic of veterans hits me anew this year, as I have been praying for Airman Bryce Powers, the son of a lady who used to attend Dwell Christian Church back when it was Willow Glen Baptist Church. Her son was in a very bad car wreck in Japan and is still in a semi-comatose state. I've been following her updates as she bares her heart in relation to her precious son, who is only 20 years old. I look at my own son with new eyes and hug him tighter every night.

It might be a cliche, but freedom isn't free. No matter what you think about the military, foreign wars, or any Presidential administration, it doesn't change the fact that there are individuals who put aside their own comfort and safety every day for the sake of millions of people they've never even met. That's more than I can say for myself, anyway!

So, thank you veterans! I'm so glad you made it home.

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like...

CHRISTMAS!! But maybe that isn't politically correct. Or maybe you just aren't ready for it yet.
But regardless...it's that time of year again. I know I can't be the only one who is already thinking of gifts and shopping deals and trying to get a head start on things.

I've already gotten gifts for my mom, mama-in-law, all the sisters (3), all their kids (4), and one of my grandmas. They are an amalgamation of homemade gifts, self-designed gifts, and store bought stuff. I really like to get most of my shopping done early so when December actually comes, I can focus on the season of Advent and the true meaning of the holy day we celebrate on the 25th. No cluttering my mind with shopping lists and horrible, death-defying mall trips!

There is something that I did want to share with any faithful, frugal readers I may have on this blog, and that is this: ArtsCow. You can thank me later. Or hate me forever because you'll never, ever stop ordering things. I'll even give you an amazing coupon code right now, ready? It's for 25% off site-wide and free shipping WORLDWIDE!! (They are based in Hong Kong, I think...) Just enter coupon code: 25OFFTHINGS. It expires 11/26, so hurry on in. They're not even paying me to say any of this...I just really like their stuff and it seems like there is just something for everyone!

Anyway, enough of the stuff-mongering. I'll be quiet about Christmas now until Thanksgiving is over, at least.

On a different note, my baby turned 16 months old today. *sniffle*

Yes, I Can!

So when I was nine months pregnant and publicly moaning and groaning about just being done already, I heard all these people talking about "savoring your last moments alone". A friend of mine even told me, "You'll never get to pee in peace again!" I thought she was exaggerating, I really did. ''

Then, I had a kid of my own. Now I know that the bathroom thing is all too true. Apparently I am not allowed to be out of my child's sight for more than three seconds at a time without him having a small panic attack in the form of loud cries and tears. To top it all off, our bathroom door in our apartment doesn't close properly, so I literally have to stick my foot out to block the door if I don't want small, uninvited guests to intrude on what really should be alone time!

I find myself saying, "You know what? Mommy is allowed to pee in peace! I am allowed to have two minutes to myself!"

Which makes me laugh when I hear myself defiantly declaring this to a 16 month old child.

But it got me thinking of what other concessions I make for myself to stay sane. I hope I'm not the only one who believes that Mommy is allowed to do some or all of the following on a fairly regular basis:

- eat an extra helping of dinner because I'm technically still breastfeeding!
- add spiced rum to my apple cider as "dessert"!
- have an extra cup of half-caf coffee in the middle of the afternoon to keep from falling asleep while playing with baby toys on the floor!
- take a shower at least every two days (okay, maybe make that three)!
- to forsake chores once in awhile and instead watch Netflix while my baby is napping!
- to eat all of his Halloween candy...he's too young for it anyway!
- put him to bed 15 minutes early because I'm just all done, and I can!
and yes, even to pee by myself. Or at least with the door closed while my baby screams on the other side.

Yes, I can!

And I can love my baby like crazy through all the madness of my day.

Yes. I can!

Something New.

Dwell Christian Church - Willow Glen location at Minnesota and Hicks

For those who may not have heard, I am starting a new "position", if you will, with my church. I am now the Worship Lead for Dwell Christian Church's Willow Glen location! I officially started in November...that is, now. This week will be my first week leading in this capacity on Sunday. 

I was very wary of taking this on for a few reasons. 

Firstly, I used to be very bossy and "leader-y" in my youth (yes, okay, my younger youth), but I've very much chilled out. I'm content to take a back seat and be used where I can be most helpful. I'm perfectly happy for someone else to take the reins and lead while I follow. In fact, I shy away from obvious leadership when possible.

Secondly, I feel very rusty and out of the loop when it comes to music. Yes, I have a degree in it. Yes, I studied pretty much nothing else at college. Sure, I can still read music and all that, but it is a language that I haven't spoken fluently in so long, I feel like I am a foreigner. I hate to lead something in which I feel not entirely comfortable. 

Thirdly, I am young. There are some older, wiser, and MUCH more talented musicians on the team than myself, and "bossing" them around just seems strange to me. Wrong, even. 

However, I am reminded of 1 Timothy 4:12, where the apostle Paul tells a young pastor Timothy, 

"Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity."

I know that our God is always using the weak ones, the ones who will have to rely on Him the most to actually get the job done. I feel like this really MUST be me. I feel so silly and awkward and weird sometimes. There is no way that I, of my own strength, could accomplish anything of worth in this capacity. But with God, all things are possible. 

It helps tremendously to have the support of both leaders in the church as well as a wonderful team of co-worshippers right by my side. I, quite literally, could not do it without them, either. You guys rock! 

Slow Down, You Move Too Fast

Now that my kiddo can walk, it is great to take little jaunts around the neighborhood. 

Only, as any dog-owner can tell you, walking with a curious small creature is no quick business. My little one delights in the smallest things that escape my attention as I am hurrying around downtown. 

So today I decided to try my best to take a walk at his pace. I learned that sometimes you gotta look above your sight line...

...Break some rules...

...Get down low...

...Get off the beaten path...

...Go digging...

But always listen when Mom calls you to come back inside!

The Golden Suggestion?

I saw this wonderful quote today - 
“Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness.” - Seneca
Beautiful and true. However, Seneca said it sort of as an idea or a suggestion. 

And it reminded me of this:
"'And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” - Jesus

You saw it...if you claim to follow and worship Jesus, these aren't suggestions. They are commands.

In all the political fervor, the partisan demonizing, the passionate arguing about very important issues, Christians, we need to remember this one. I will attempt to vote thusly, I will attempt to treat people thusly, and I will attempt to live thusly.

And thusly shall I end this blog post. ;)

Mommy Fail

I have a confession to make: I really want to be a cool mom.

I want to be a big giant hippie mom and feed my kid only the best things for him.
I want to be the laid back mom and allow my kid to get really messy and learn while he does it.
I want to be the fun mom who comes up with amazing activities for my kid to try.
I want to be the wise and loving mom whose children respect and adore her and come to her with every little dream or hurt.

Of course, being a real mom, I realize that not every moment of every day is going to allow me to be all of these things at once. Sometimes I have to be firm mom, disciplinarian mom, the "bad guy", and the one who has to let her child fail sometimes so he learns. Beyond that, sometimes there are just moments of utter lack and failure.

For instance, this morning I left my coffee lying around and the baby got his hands on it and started parading around, proudly slurping the cold, stale brew. Great.

After he slept off the coffee buzz, I tried to go to the Children's Discovery Museum this morning and walked a mile and half only to realize that they are closed on Mondays. So, we just went back home and took a nap. Um, not so fun.

Even the coolest, most fun thing I did in the day started out as a failure: making baby paint. Don't know if I mixed it wrong or if the temperatures or proportions weren't right, but I ended up with a chunky mess instead of a lovely homemade concoction.

But perhaps the cool thing is that I tried. And really, the baby took the idea and ran with it and ended up having a great time in the bath with the chunky goop.

 I was actually surprised by how restrained he seemed to be. But I think he appreciated the effort on my part. Even if my project didn't turn out quite as cute as this cool mom's.

God in a Box

Today Pastor Jason was talking about how we put God in a box, how we are constantly making Jesus too small. He reminded us of Colossians 1:15-20, and read it to us four or five times, just to make sure we got it. And in case you are a non-link-clicker (like me!), I'm going to quote a short part of it from The Message because I feel like this snippet in this version really gets to the heart of what blew my mind:

So spacious is he [Jesus], so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in him without crowding. Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe—people and things, animals and atoms—get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies, all because of his death, his blood that poured down from the cross.

Duuuuuude. All the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe?!? That's a lot of pieces. And they all get fixed, all because of His death. Wow. 

So Jason reminded us, "You can never think of Jesus as bigger than He is." As big, as powerful, as all-knowing as I can imagine Him, He is more so, on into infinite.

I could spend my whole life trying to find adequate words to describe Him and to bring Him praise. So I think I need to stop building God boxes and get to it!

SAHM

Before I had a kid, if you asked me what the acronym in my title meant, I would have had no idea. (I also would have thought it was a really clunky-looking acronym!)

However, now that I have seen the front lines of the mommy wars (back to work vs stay at home! Breast vs bottle! Co-sleeping vs crib! On and on!!), I know that SAHM is short for "stay at home mom": the least glamorous and possibly least appreciated job in America.

I will not go on and on about this issue because I cannot say anything that hasn't already been said in much more famous forums. The whole point of my post is that I was away from my boy for many hours yesterday (9:00am-2:30pm, conference with Chris and then 3:15pm-6:45pm work at Ballet on last minute Gala stuff).

And as much as I had fun at these forays out into the world of adults, I wouldn't trade it for my time at home with my kid...being snotted on, changing diapers, negotiating crankiness and the whole nine yards. Not a chance. I've found my calling as a Christian, wife and mother, and everything else in this whole wide world can take a backseat.

In the words of the prophet Nehemiah (6:3) while he was rebuilding the wall in Jerusalem:

"I am doing a great work and I cannot come down."

Because no one else in the world is as cute or loves and appreciates me as much as my two guys!

Thank you, Lord, for I know just where I belong. 

Something More

Today Chris and I and quite a few of our Converge PacWest brethren had the enormous pleasure and privilege to hear Francis Chan speak to us about making disciples.

As the discipleship pastor and his wife, Chris and I in particular were really ready to hear and to take notes on what this amazing pastor had to say.

I don't know if we were quite ready, or if anyone really is ever ready, to hear what Pastor Chan actually did say.

Let me preface with a bit of honesty: I've been struggling from time to time with my calling in the church, what it means to be the wife of a pastor and to be a worship leader myself, struggling with quiet times with God (I have a toddler...very little of my time is quiet!) and in the Word. Sometimes I feel like I really "get it", the whole of the Christian life...and sometimes I feel like any regular ol' chick who is angry and cusses when she gets mad and doesn't truly love anyone and is just generally full of sin. I find myself even on my best days wondering if there is something about the Christian life that I am missing, knowing that there are a million things I could be doing better to the glory of God.

Now, I don't necessarily want to get all preachy on you, or try to rehash a whole two hours of teaching into one pithy blog post. But I did get my eyes opened (or re-opened, maybe) to a hint of what I am missing. DISCIPLESHIP (take a quick look at that link to get the encapsulated version of what Chan spoke to us about)! How can the wife of the discipleship pastor not truly understand what discipleship is or what it looks like? Good question, but I'm sure it has little to do with my husband's teaching ability and much more to do with my ignorance.

At any rate, I feel rejuvenated! I have been made to remember why we are doing any of this ministry/church-planting/pastoring/worshipping stuff in the first place. In the first place, because God is worthy to be praised and obeyed. In the second place, because he called us to go.

Matthew 28:18-20 - "And Jesus came and said to them, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.'"

(Un)Happy November!

I don't know why I think of sick days with such a nostalgic and glamorous glow...

I thought to myself, oh boy! It's raining! And I have a cuddly little baby with a bit of a temp and a bit of a cough, so we will stay in and drink hot drinks and watch Disney movies, which we have never done before! It sounds like a freakin' vacation!!

Well, reality of course is much less glamorous. My babe can't even sit through an episode of Sesame Street, so I don't know why I thought we would be watching Aladdin or something. I guess the fact that he doesn't like TV should please me a little more than it does at this very moment.

I'm currently listening to him howl as he resists a nap. Five minutes ago he pulled down his humidifier, breaking it irreparably and spilling a gallon or so of water all over a tight corner of our old Victorian apartment. All while in his crib...I really swear I moved that stupid humidifier out of his reach! It is my fault for buying the one that looks like an elephant. Far more tempting to play with than those beige affairs I should have purchased.

And when there is a gallon of water glugging over the floor, drenching toys and pillows and rugs and my pant hems in its wake, it is very difficult for me not to revert back to my sinful ways and start cussing up a storm and yelling at my curious toddler. I have to use my energy to channel all the lovely, calm and kind mothers I know, who would never lose their temper... (or at least in my imagination they wouldn't!) I inevitably have to apologize to my kid who, although he might not understand my frustrated words, certainly knows that they are directed at him. Lord help me.

*sigh*

Happy November?

Perhaps for the next week, whenever my boy does something naughty, I will envision this picture of him in my head...and then I cannot stay mad!

Halloween

Fittingly, the first blog of my challenge month (albeit one day early, but it is Halloween!!) is my 100th blog post. Hurray! I've had this blog for years and years...so 100 is really paltry...boo. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I just can't seem to force myself to post a blog when I don't have anything profoundly moving to say. So I guess I've had about 100 profoundly moving things to say (give or take) in the last five years or so. Hmmm...

Anyway. On to the good stuff.

Dwell Christian Church's annual Harvest Carnival!! The event of the season. Our little church is inundated with over 1000 adults and children in costumes coming through, winning candy, taking photos, munching popcorn, bouncing, pony-riding and generally having fun.

Two years ago at Harvest Carnival, I had just found out I was pregnant. I think I knew for like a day before I donned my sailor girl outfit and tried not to blurt out the news to everyone that I was five whole weeks along!

Last year at Harvest Carnival, it was a baby extravaganza, as apparently I wasn't the only one trying not to blurt out news at the previous years' carnival. 

Good times.

And then there is this year, where I return to my sailor girl costume (laziness) and my son yet again wears a tiger costume (gift from a friend). Having a toddler who can walk around and actually do stuff is really, really fun. 

There has been a lot of debate about whether or not we should even DO the Harvest Carnival every year. It costs a lot of money and takes a lot of planning and time. It is a great thing for our community and it really makes us feel like we are part of what is going on in Willow Glen. However, there's not a lot of Gospel involved and there's really rarely been a person who has come to our church later and announced, "I came here to find out more about Jesus because I really had fun at the Harvest Carnival!" Okay, make that most likely never has there been an instance like that. But is it all about conversions or is there something to be said for simply serving those around us? As you see, the arguments and reasonings go on and on. 

Halloween, in my opinion, is a part of our culture that can be redeemed and sanctified. I don't claim to have the answer. But I do think the Harvest Carnival is fun and it is a nice safe place for kids to play games and get candy! Candy that I am now about to eat...heh heh heh...

Challenge

For some reason I have had a hankering to get on here more.
Maybe we can blame Pinterest.
Maybe my narcissistic tendencies have reached fever pitch.
Maybe all the mommy blogs in the blogosphere have me jealous that they are recording their little ones' baby years and I have a few photos on FB and a paltry baby book filled with glue stick photos to show for mine.
After all, blogs are "web logs", right? A place to record things?
So if you're looking for something totally unique, a place where you will find the latest homeschooling lesson plans, the newest cleaning techniques you never heard of, the most awesome home decorating ideas...well,
this.ain't.it. 
Sorry.

But it is every internet person's right to clog the internet with more stuff. So I'm seizing that right, right now! I'm challenging myself for the next month to try to get a blog out every day. You don't have to read it. But it could be fun.

Here goes nothin'!

Oh, and here's a family photo, just to start us off.

On Resembling My Father

It's really cool to watch kids grow up and see what traits they inherit from their parents. I can readily name off which traits, physical and otherwise, I received from either of my parents: wavy hair from Mom, squinty eyes from Dad, loud laugh from Mom, sense of humor from Dad, figure from Mom, wide feet from Dad, brain from both sides, and on and on. To eventually look and sound like your parents is one of nature's great hilarities.

It is this way when you are a child of God, too. When I was adopted as a daughter, I immediately began to take on new traits, to become a little more like my Father. By His grace, this will continue in a positive trajectory until I see Him face to face at the end of this life. I want to look and sound more and more like a child of God every day. I want to have my Dad's love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

This morning, my baby all the sudden decided he didn't want to eat his banana. However, I know for a fact that he loves banana. I tried to verbally encourage him to eat it, but he was having none of it. Eventually, after breaking it off myself and gently hand-feeding it to him, he remembered, "Oh yes! I love banana! Banana is my favorite." I said to him, "See? Mommy knows you and knows what's good for you! You have to trust me because I know you best!"

There are so many times as a parent when I say things to my baby and I have to stop and smile, because I can just imagine God smiling and saying, "Hmmm, now where have I heard that before?"

As I watch my child grow up and delight in each little thing I can see that he inherited from me (taste in food) and from his father (facial expressions), I have to remember that it is much more important for him to begin to look and sound like his heavenly Father. Strange as it sounds, I care about that more than I care about him being smart, funny, well-fed or well-read.

Are YOU Mom Enough?

So, of course this Time magazine cover and article is riling everyone up. I've already been posting some responses to some visceral reactions on Facebook, but I figured out, Wait a minute...due to the magic of internet, I actually have my very own sparsely read forum on which to post my opinions!! Ha ha, welcome to the blogosphere. 


(So, basically this is a reprinting of some of my previously written comments, slightly expanded for blog form, complete with generated internet memes! Huzzah!!)


Everything about that article and that cover was made to rile people up. And it worked! The whole "Are you mom enough?" thing will piss a bunch of people off, as will the "provocative" photos of mothers breast feeding their kids. There is science being flung around all over the place, where "studies show" this and "well my mom did" that. 

There is no right answer, people. Motherhood is like art!!! Pay attention to your own painting/dance/drama/tragedy/song...and high five all the other moms who are doing their thing well.

I'm just really tired of moms attacking one another and acting like some know better than others. Okay, if I happen to see you doing jello shots off your child's tummy or dangling them out of windows, etc... I would probably call CPS. But if it isn't abusive, it's the parent's choices. It makes me sad how angry we get at one another. Work, stay home, breast feed til age 20 or formula straight outta the womb, sleep together, sleep apart, organic vs not...it's all up to the care-giver. We are all moms and we are all in this together!!! Now let's all join hands and sing Kumbaya!

Got it?! 

Now, it's Mother's Day on Sunday!! Y'all get along and stop hating on each other!

Bad.Mouth.

Recently read an article by Ashley Judd lambasting the media for what she labeled misogynistic comments about her "puffy face". Apparently media sources were quick to assume her puffy appearance was an indication of "work done" on her face, etc, etc...

The part that got me was when she called out women for participating in this misogyny, claiming that we are participating therefore in the patriarchic system that we claim to despise.

Aside from all the feminist rhetoric, I truly had to have a long think about the things I say about other women. I can hear myself denigrating their bodies, faces or outfits aloud, yet of course I would be offended if anyone felt they were free to make such comments to me or about me. I was struck by the pettiness and cattiness inherent in so much of media aimed at women.

Anyway, the real thing that hit me as I thought about all this was how my mother would always say, "Do you see that woman over there? Isn't she beautiful?" Most of the time, it would take me a moment to recognize what she meant, because most of the women she pointed out weren't glossy mag model material. They were usually ladies who dressed appropriately, took care in their appearance, and walked with grace and purpose. In this subtle way, my mother imparted to me a picture of where true beauty can be found. It never looked exactly the same twice; black women, white women, large and small, old and young would be pointed out and praised for their innate and natural beauty. (She also made a point of highlighting photos of movie stars with no makeup on, not to say how ugly they looked, but to show us how normal and everyday these women were without hours and hours of hair, makeup, and airbrushing.)

My challenge to myself is to continue this line of thinking and attempt to impart it to my son. The challenge is to throw off the pettiness and cattiness and choose to point out the good and beautiful in what I see. Thanks, mama, for setting such a good example. I was actually listening! And you remain one of the most beautiful people I have ever known, inside and out.