As I'm looking at my little pregnancy app this morning and it is telling me that I have 2 weeks and 5 days until my due date, the reality of motherhood is slowly beginning to dawn on me. For the past few days I've kept telling my baby to hurry up, only to mentally check myself and think...these are my last days of "freedom". I should really be living in the moment, enjoying these last little kicks and jabs and time to nap, clean and take a shower whenever I want!
I have had a really blessed pregnancy, and I'm hoping this carries over into labor and delivery, but once this baby begins his descent, well...I realize all bets are off.
And so, with one more shortened week of work ahead of me, I then face some time to just wait. The reality is that Calvin could really enjoy being in the womb and decide to stay there for another month before the docs would do anything to help him along. A MONTH! I could be waiting around for what feels like forever!
So, what should I do with my free time after next week? I live in a small apartment, so there's only so much cleaning to be done (although the place needs it!). I'm sure there will be some lazy movie-watching and napping going on. But what else? What should I do to fill my days? Any moms, I would appreciate your thoughts or experiences. Or, anyone else who is a professional at filling time with amusing things...anyone retired and want to tell me what you do to fill days? I'd like to not waste them!
19 days and counting...
Friday, June 17, 2011
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
Important Questions
My pastor wrote this blog and it is a beautiful, well thought out, and biblical answer to the question posed by a six-year old in church this past week, "What happens to a one-year-old who dies?"
Read and be blessed.
Read and be blessed.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Operating Instructions
I just finished reading Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year by Anne Lamott this morning. Fabulous book, and it got me thinking...
In it, the author is determined (in a funny way, not too much a scary way) to instill in her son from infancy the political ideals that she holds to. She whispers her liberal rhetoric in his ears as he sleeps and nurses. She thinks she will turn him into a brilliant opposition leader someday.
In a similar way, having a kid reminds of the feeling I would get every time I moved schools when I was a kid (which was a LOT): I could start over completely and be whomever I wanted to be! I could re-invent myself as something different than I was before! Of course, this never really worked out for me. I was always the nerdy, funny, slightly off-kilter redhead, no matter where I went. But the feeling was there...this infinite power in my grasp to remold myself and change my destiny. There is a little piece of me that feels that sense of power when I think about Calvin and how I can mold him into who I want him to be.
Then again, I've seen enough to realize that this won't necessarily work out for me, either. Just because I want Calvin to have his dad's smarts and my sense of humor, and to inherit easy-going ways from both his parents, well...that's not necessarily how this all works! I get that.
But I also know that there are some things that I wish Calvin to know and grasp right out of the hopper. For instance, I want him to know his Creator. I want him to know that life is not about rules and regulations, but about loving God and loving people in ways both tangible and intangible. I want him to have great faith and great humor in equal quantities so that he can deal with devastating blows as they come, because I know they will. I want him to really know these things in a way that effects the way he thinks and makes decisions and lives his entire life.
How this all shakes out, of course, remains to be seen. Perhaps I should be praying for that great faith and great humor in equal quantities as I raise my son. I think I'm going to need them!
In it, the author is determined (in a funny way, not too much a scary way) to instill in her son from infancy the political ideals that she holds to. She whispers her liberal rhetoric in his ears as he sleeps and nurses. She thinks she will turn him into a brilliant opposition leader someday.
In a similar way, having a kid reminds of the feeling I would get every time I moved schools when I was a kid (which was a LOT): I could start over completely and be whomever I wanted to be! I could re-invent myself as something different than I was before! Of course, this never really worked out for me. I was always the nerdy, funny, slightly off-kilter redhead, no matter where I went. But the feeling was there...this infinite power in my grasp to remold myself and change my destiny. There is a little piece of me that feels that sense of power when I think about Calvin and how I can mold him into who I want him to be.
Then again, I've seen enough to realize that this won't necessarily work out for me, either. Just because I want Calvin to have his dad's smarts and my sense of humor, and to inherit easy-going ways from both his parents, well...that's not necessarily how this all works! I get that.
But I also know that there are some things that I wish Calvin to know and grasp right out of the hopper. For instance, I want him to know his Creator. I want him to know that life is not about rules and regulations, but about loving God and loving people in ways both tangible and intangible. I want him to have great faith and great humor in equal quantities so that he can deal with devastating blows as they come, because I know they will. I want him to really know these things in a way that effects the way he thinks and makes decisions and lives his entire life.
How this all shakes out, of course, remains to be seen. Perhaps I should be praying for that great faith and great humor in equal quantities as I raise my son. I think I'm going to need them!
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
Just In Time
Hubs and I have got about 13 weeks, give or take, until we are officially parents of an official out-in-the-world baby. The thought takes my breathe away (maybe half from awe and half from hyperventilation)!
Because our little bebe has pretty developed hearing these days, I've decided to read out loud to him in the mornings from this great little book called The Jesus Story Book Bible. This is the mother of all children's bibles and every time I read a story from it, I cry and remember all the wonderful things God has done. It is perfect in its simplicity, and profound in its childlike wording.
The other day I read the story of Abraham and Isaac. For those of you not familiar, you might not see why I was dreading reading this story, so I will recap. Abraham is chosen by God to be the father of the nation of Israel, God's special covenant people. He promises to make Abraham's line great in number and in standing. To this end, God grants Abraham and his wife Sarah little boy, even though they are both in their 90s! Then God asks Abraham the unthinkable...to sacrifice his son Isaac on an altar. In the end, Abraham's willingness was enough and God spared Isaac and gave the pair a ram to sacrifice instead as an offering to Him.
As you might imagine, reading about sacrificing one's only son is a little traumatizing for a pregnant lady. But the part that struck me in the story was that God provided an alternative sacrifice "just in time".
Sometimes I feel like God is doing everything "just in time", keeping everyone biting their fingernails on the edge of their seats seeing if He will come through. But the older I get, I realize that God does all things in HIS time, and that it is perfect. It isn't sliding into home plate just before the ball hits, or getting back to your car just as the cop takes out his pen for your ticket. It's PERFECT timing, considering all possible iterations in the universe (He is God, after all).
That just made me feel a lot better about becoming a parent, for some reason. I didn't get pregnant by accident...God gave me a baby and He gave my baby ME as a mom. I have a wonderful Father who has provided me and will continue provide me with everything that I need, just in time.
Because our little bebe has pretty developed hearing these days, I've decided to read out loud to him in the mornings from this great little book called The Jesus Story Book Bible. This is the mother of all children's bibles and every time I read a story from it, I cry and remember all the wonderful things God has done. It is perfect in its simplicity, and profound in its childlike wording.
The other day I read the story of Abraham and Isaac. For those of you not familiar, you might not see why I was dreading reading this story, so I will recap. Abraham is chosen by God to be the father of the nation of Israel, God's special covenant people. He promises to make Abraham's line great in number and in standing. To this end, God grants Abraham and his wife Sarah little boy, even though they are both in their 90s! Then God asks Abraham the unthinkable...to sacrifice his son Isaac on an altar. In the end, Abraham's willingness was enough and God spared Isaac and gave the pair a ram to sacrifice instead as an offering to Him.
As you might imagine, reading about sacrificing one's only son is a little traumatizing for a pregnant lady. But the part that struck me in the story was that God provided an alternative sacrifice "just in time".
Sometimes I feel like God is doing everything "just in time", keeping everyone biting their fingernails on the edge of their seats seeing if He will come through. But the older I get, I realize that God does all things in HIS time, and that it is perfect. It isn't sliding into home plate just before the ball hits, or getting back to your car just as the cop takes out his pen for your ticket. It's PERFECT timing, considering all possible iterations in the universe (He is God, after all).
That just made me feel a lot better about becoming a parent, for some reason. I didn't get pregnant by accident...God gave me a baby and He gave my baby ME as a mom. I have a wonderful Father who has provided me and will continue provide me with everything that I need, just in time.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Christian Bumper Stickers Make People Want to Punch You
Hey Christians,
I want to have a short word with you...
Your bumper stickers suck. Don't take this personally, because I know those are the only bumper stickers they make for Christians. But I can tell you that, even as a Christian, these not-as-pithy-as-we-think statements usually make people want to punch us in the face, not come to Jesus or ask about our next church function. If you have a story of when someone actually asked you about "your boss, the Jewish carpenter", or admitted to you that upon looking at your bumper they realized that they had "no Jesus, no peace", then come and talk to me and I will apologize to you personally. However, I don't think that's going to happen.
A popular bumper sticker saying that irks me the most of all is "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven." I can't really say why this of all the others bothers me so.
Possibly because it just sounds arrogant and rude, coming from no context of relationship.
Possibly because it sounds like we're answering an accusation before it has actually been voiced to us personally, and therefore sort of desperate and try-hard.
Most likely because I feel like it is supposed to somehow give us a lame excuse to swerve in and out of traffic, cut people off, and generally be obnoxious on the road, and when people get mad, you just point to the bumper sticker. "Sorry buddy, I'm still being sanctified. Jesus isn't finished with me yet!"
The worst part is when people quote it to you in real life. It's like, "Hey, why are you such a jerk?" "Well, Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven." End of story. No discussion allowed. Didn't you hear my pithy statement?
Sometimes I wish we would think a little harder about how we sound to people when we say these things; these canned, trained responses come from residing in the Christian bubble too long, not from gaining wisdom or any true soul-searching. Maybe the next time someone asks me why I'm such a jerk sometimes, I'll answer, "Because I'm a wretched sinner who is often judgmental and sometimes thinks I'm better than everyone else." (I hope I would quickly follow it up with "which I know is not true, I just act like it sometimes...", but at least it would be a true and thoughtful response!)
Or perhaps I should look to Scripture and try this one on for size, "Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own." (Phil 3:12) Sort of like, "I know I suck, but I'm trying."
How about, "I'm sorry. I AM a jerk. Will you forgive me?" I think that instead of wanting to punch us in the face, people would respond well to that sort of statement.
I don't know. What do you think, Jesus fish? =)
I want to have a short word with you...
Your bumper stickers suck. Don't take this personally, because I know those are the only bumper stickers they make for Christians. But I can tell you that, even as a Christian, these not-as-pithy-as-we-think statements usually make people want to punch us in the face, not come to Jesus or ask about our next church function. If you have a story of when someone actually asked you about "your boss, the Jewish carpenter", or admitted to you that upon looking at your bumper they realized that they had "no Jesus, no peace", then come and talk to me and I will apologize to you personally. However, I don't think that's going to happen.
A popular bumper sticker saying that irks me the most of all is "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven." I can't really say why this of all the others bothers me so.
Possibly because it just sounds arrogant and rude, coming from no context of relationship.
Possibly because it sounds like we're answering an accusation before it has actually been voiced to us personally, and therefore sort of desperate and try-hard.
Most likely because I feel like it is supposed to somehow give us a lame excuse to swerve in and out of traffic, cut people off, and generally be obnoxious on the road, and when people get mad, you just point to the bumper sticker. "Sorry buddy, I'm still being sanctified. Jesus isn't finished with me yet!"
The worst part is when people quote it to you in real life. It's like, "Hey, why are you such a jerk?" "Well, Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven." End of story. No discussion allowed. Didn't you hear my pithy statement?
Sometimes I wish we would think a little harder about how we sound to people when we say these things; these canned, trained responses come from residing in the Christian bubble too long, not from gaining wisdom or any true soul-searching. Maybe the next time someone asks me why I'm such a jerk sometimes, I'll answer, "Because I'm a wretched sinner who is often judgmental and sometimes thinks I'm better than everyone else." (I hope I would quickly follow it up with "which I know is not true, I just act like it sometimes...", but at least it would be a true and thoughtful response!)
Or perhaps I should look to Scripture and try this one on for size, "Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own." (Phil 3:12) Sort of like, "I know I suck, but I'm trying."
How about, "I'm sorry. I AM a jerk. Will you forgive me?" I think that instead of wanting to punch us in the face, people would respond well to that sort of statement.
I don't know. What do you think, Jesus fish? =)
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Question Mark
I read this quote this morning: "The gospel is not a truth among other truths. Rather, it sets a question mark against all truth." It's a quote from Karl Barth, who turned liberal theology in Germany on it's head around the time leading up to WWI. Questioning accepted truth has been the mark of great revolutionaries throughout time, and this includes Christian reformers.
But does anyone notice how uncomfortable life is with all these question marks everywhere? We as people grow comfortable with the status quo and don't like it when people begin asking pesky questions that ruin our comfortable worldview if we actually think about the answers or the implications of the answers.
I know this first hand! The life of a church planter seems to be one giant question mark. Where are we going? How will we live when we get there? Will people be receptive to the radical message of the Gospel? Will we ever be able to afford to have kids, buy a house, or go out to eat ever again?! Is there a right and a wrong way to do church? If so, how can we do it right for our context? What does loving the city truly look like? Is it as messy as it seems? (hint: YES!) Do I truly love my neighbor enough to live this kind of question mark life in order to serve him? That might be the most disturbing question of all!
I can't answer most of these questions. There they remain with their question marks behind them, a constant reminder that I am not in control over anything of importance in this life. The only thing that remains without a question mark is the Gospel and more importantly the God who orchestrated it. It is beside this truth that I must weigh all questions I have and trust the God who knows and loves me. He is the God over the all the question marks, commas, exclamation points and full stops of life, and I trust Him.
Period. :)
But does anyone notice how uncomfortable life is with all these question marks everywhere? We as people grow comfortable with the status quo and don't like it when people begin asking pesky questions that ruin our comfortable worldview if we actually think about the answers or the implications of the answers.
I know this first hand! The life of a church planter seems to be one giant question mark. Where are we going? How will we live when we get there? Will people be receptive to the radical message of the Gospel? Will we ever be able to afford to have kids, buy a house, or go out to eat ever again?! Is there a right and a wrong way to do church? If so, how can we do it right for our context? What does loving the city truly look like? Is it as messy as it seems? (hint: YES!) Do I truly love my neighbor enough to live this kind of question mark life in order to serve him? That might be the most disturbing question of all!
I can't answer most of these questions. There they remain with their question marks behind them, a constant reminder that I am not in control over anything of importance in this life. The only thing that remains without a question mark is the Gospel and more importantly the God who orchestrated it. It is beside this truth that I must weigh all questions I have and trust the God who knows and loves me. He is the God over the all the question marks, commas, exclamation points and full stops of life, and I trust Him.
Period. :)
Tuesday, February 08, 2011
Oh boy!
Yesterday we had our 18 week ultrasound and saw for sure and certain that our little kicky baby is a boy! I prayed that baby would be less than modest for us, and indeed the very first thing we saw on the screen we all sort of stopped and stared at... The sonographer said, "See that? Girls don't have that!" I started crying and was in disbelief, as I had convinced myself I was having a girl, although I have always wanted boys. My husband looked pretty emotional too. When we got home, he announced, "Okay. I think I'm officially excited!"
But the past few days and weeks have not been all joyous. Along with the growing love for our baby, we are experiencing a deeper and deeper love for our church family, as well. But as soon as people hit the earth outside the womb, love gets a lot messier, and at times much more painful. I've heard people say, "Ministry is difficult and you must count the cost." I had no idea what that really meant until I actually began investing my whole life into ministry.
We have moved across oceans and continents at the call of God, given up jobs we love, friendships we cherished, comfy houses and routines. Like many of my other brothers and sisters in Christ, we have put our hand to the plow and not looked back. (Luke 9:62) We have left mother and father and sisters and brothers for the sake of the gospel, and in doing so gained a whole new family in Christ.
But as always with family, or sinful humans rather, there is pain. There is heartbreak and rejection and misunderstanding and offense. It hurts. It is messy. It is painful to have dedicated your past, present and future to something, and to feel as if people don't care at all.
However, I am re-learning in Gods grace that my past, present and future isn't dedicated to an idea, and it isn't for people to approve or disapprove of for its validity. It is dedicated to the cause of Christ and His Kingdom, and it is done only out of love for Him in hopes of being lovingly approved by Him. My true, sacrificial love for people can only stem from my love from and connectedness to God, or I am laboring in vain.
Like the child kicking around in my belly, I continue to grow and be formed by my Maker, loved unconditionally, and it is eagerly anticipated that I be fully formed and mature by the time this life is over. But I've got lots more living and learning to do before that happens, hopefully. So I submit to sanctification, no matter how it hurts.
And believe me, it does.
But the past few days and weeks have not been all joyous. Along with the growing love for our baby, we are experiencing a deeper and deeper love for our church family, as well. But as soon as people hit the earth outside the womb, love gets a lot messier, and at times much more painful. I've heard people say, "Ministry is difficult and you must count the cost." I had no idea what that really meant until I actually began investing my whole life into ministry.
We have moved across oceans and continents at the call of God, given up jobs we love, friendships we cherished, comfy houses and routines. Like many of my other brothers and sisters in Christ, we have put our hand to the plow and not looked back. (Luke 9:62) We have left mother and father and sisters and brothers for the sake of the gospel, and in doing so gained a whole new family in Christ.
But as always with family, or sinful humans rather, there is pain. There is heartbreak and rejection and misunderstanding and offense. It hurts. It is messy. It is painful to have dedicated your past, present and future to something, and to feel as if people don't care at all.
However, I am re-learning in Gods grace that my past, present and future isn't dedicated to an idea, and it isn't for people to approve or disapprove of for its validity. It is dedicated to the cause of Christ and His Kingdom, and it is done only out of love for Him in hopes of being lovingly approved by Him. My true, sacrificial love for people can only stem from my love from and connectedness to God, or I am laboring in vain.
Like the child kicking around in my belly, I continue to grow and be formed by my Maker, loved unconditionally, and it is eagerly anticipated that I be fully formed and mature by the time this life is over. But I've got lots more living and learning to do before that happens, hopefully. So I submit to sanctification, no matter how it hurts.
And believe me, it does.
Monday, January 24, 2011
We're on a mission from God...
(Yes, the title is a Blues Brothers reference. You can laugh.)
I'd like to juxtapose two things in the ol' blog today: a phone conversation I had with a total stranger, and a sermon I heard from the mouth of my beloved husband yesterday.
Scene 1: Random man calls into the school where I work to enquire about classes for his daughter. For some reason it came out that I live very near to this school, which is in the Downtown area of San Jose. He related to me that his wife and he used to live in the city (that's San Francisco for those of you who don't live around here) right on the Haight in a cool, funky apartment. But, all that changed when they had their first child. "Of course we had to move!" he explained. I didn't fully understand why, but he kept going. He said, "Downtown living is so awesome when you are a young couple. But let me give you a piece of totally unsolicited advice [at least he was honest!]. Start looking for a house out in the cozy suburbs of San Jose now so that when your child is old enough to go to school, you are firmly established in a great school district. We are fortunate enough to send our children to private school because my wife makes gazillions, but I realize not everyone can afford that. So the thing to do is situate yourself where the good schools are so your children don't suffer. I had a friend who lived downtown and they sent their child to Horace Mann. It was terrible! She suffered! Get out of there while you still can!"
WOW! Okay, I said juxtapose, not necessarily explain so let's just cut to scene 2, Sunday morning, very cute husband preaching on one of our core values as a church: "Mission".
He explained that our God is a missional God. He has been on a mission since the beginning of time to be the God of His people and when they strayed, to bring them back to Himself. What did God do as part of His redemptive plan to save humanity? He SENT His only son, sacrificing Him out of heaven to die a horrible death on Earth. Jesus lived and moved and breathed among us. He wasn't a monk, staying outside of society. He wasn't a street corner evangelist, preaching Hellfire. He wasn't ONLY about service projects to the poor. His entire life was lived among the very people He would save.
What makes us any different as His followers? In this sermon was the marvelous example of Jeremiah 29, when Israel is in exile in Babylon. False prophets are saying to Israel, "Don't get comfortable in this disgusting city, God will send us home soon." Or we could say in modern context, "I've got my safe little box of ONLY Christian music, Christian school, Christian friends, Christian coffee houses," and on and on...in other words, let's live in a Christian ghetto where we don't engage the culture, but build our own.
In the Bible, Jeremiah is saying, NO. The Lord God says, "Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce.Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease.
But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare (shalom - meaning peace, wholeness, health) you will find your welfare (shalom). Jeremiah 29:5-7 ESV
We, as a couple of missionaries, have been SENT into San Jose to live and work and have kids and send them to school and Scouts and soccer practice. We have been sent to work downtown, live there, walk through St. James Park every day, shop at Mi Pueblo, (slowly) learn to speak Spanish, eat Pho, get our hair cut for $10 by Moon, go to Martin Luther King, Jr. library, give homeless guys something to eat, and whatever else it means to be a downtown San Josean!!
That's the mission. Love the city because God loves the city. Be His hands and feet so people can clearly see His love at work. Increase, and do not decrease. We have been sent to seek the welfare of this city and intercede on its behalf, because in its peace and security, we shall find ours, but more importantly, God's glory will be made manifest.
I'd like to juxtapose two things in the ol' blog today: a phone conversation I had with a total stranger, and a sermon I heard from the mouth of my beloved husband yesterday.
Scene 1: Random man calls into the school where I work to enquire about classes for his daughter. For some reason it came out that I live very near to this school, which is in the Downtown area of San Jose. He related to me that his wife and he used to live in the city (that's San Francisco for those of you who don't live around here) right on the Haight in a cool, funky apartment. But, all that changed when they had their first child. "Of course we had to move!" he explained. I didn't fully understand why, but he kept going. He said, "Downtown living is so awesome when you are a young couple. But let me give you a piece of totally unsolicited advice [at least he was honest!]. Start looking for a house out in the cozy suburbs of San Jose now so that when your child is old enough to go to school, you are firmly established in a great school district. We are fortunate enough to send our children to private school because my wife makes gazillions, but I realize not everyone can afford that. So the thing to do is situate yourself where the good schools are so your children don't suffer. I had a friend who lived downtown and they sent their child to Horace Mann. It was terrible! She suffered! Get out of there while you still can!"
WOW! Okay, I said juxtapose, not necessarily explain so let's just cut to scene 2, Sunday morning, very cute husband preaching on one of our core values as a church: "Mission".
He explained that our God is a missional God. He has been on a mission since the beginning of time to be the God of His people and when they strayed, to bring them back to Himself. What did God do as part of His redemptive plan to save humanity? He SENT His only son, sacrificing Him out of heaven to die a horrible death on Earth. Jesus lived and moved and breathed among us. He wasn't a monk, staying outside of society. He wasn't a street corner evangelist, preaching Hellfire. He wasn't ONLY about service projects to the poor. His entire life was lived among the very people He would save.
What makes us any different as His followers? In this sermon was the marvelous example of Jeremiah 29, when Israel is in exile in Babylon. False prophets are saying to Israel, "Don't get comfortable in this disgusting city, God will send us home soon." Or we could say in modern context, "I've got my safe little box of ONLY Christian music, Christian school, Christian friends, Christian coffee houses," and on and on...in other words, let's live in a Christian ghetto where we don't engage the culture, but build our own.
In the Bible, Jeremiah is saying, NO. The Lord God says, "Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce.Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease.
But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare (shalom - meaning peace, wholeness, health) you will find your welfare (shalom). Jeremiah 29:5-7 ESV
We, as a couple of missionaries, have been SENT into San Jose to live and work and have kids and send them to school and Scouts and soccer practice. We have been sent to work downtown, live there, walk through St. James Park every day, shop at Mi Pueblo, (slowly) learn to speak Spanish, eat Pho, get our hair cut for $10 by Moon, go to Martin Luther King, Jr. library, give homeless guys something to eat, and whatever else it means to be a downtown San Josean!!
That's the mission. Love the city because God loves the city. Be His hands and feet so people can clearly see His love at work. Increase, and do not decrease. We have been sent to seek the welfare of this city and intercede on its behalf, because in its peace and security, we shall find ours, but more importantly, God's glory will be made manifest.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Inspiration
Inspiration is wonderful when it happens, but the writer must develop an approach for the rest of the time... The wait is simply too long.
- Leonard Bernstein
So, my faithful 12 followers of this blog (and perhaps a few more reading on Facebook), you probably know by now that I am pregnant with the first Baby Tenny of its generation. I'm going to try really, really hard for this not to suddenly become a pregnancy blog, I promise. Although, when a small human takes over your body, I have found that it is a bit difficult to talk about anything else, but I digress...
Inspiration to write is everywhere, but I struggle with the thought of junking up the internet with more meaningless drivel that no one really wants to read. I feel like I should have something really, really good to say before I trouble you all with reading it! (You might agree!) So that is why I tend to have such long dry spells between blog posts. But as the ever-wise Mr. Bernstein says...the wait is too long if I wait for inspiration all the time. I think I should just look around.
I was inspired in the past month to find out the gender of our baby. Now, my whole life I have clung to the thought that I would want to be surprised. Then, a week or two ago I was suddenly seized with the longing to know what was growing inside my body and what, God-willing, I will be holding in my arms in a few short months. It's not because I want to buy a lot of gender-specific crap (I'll leave that to my family and friends! ha ha), but more so because I feel like it would be a great bonding sort of thing to be able to know who I'm talking to, as much as one can know a fetus, that is.
And so, if our baby has the modesty of its mother (I won Exhibitionist of the Year Award two years running in high school...you can ask me how God allowed me to become a pastor's wife later!), it will show us the goods on February 7th during the ultrasound. We'll know if I've got a little boy Tenny or a little girl Tenny. I figure that children are one frickin' giant surprise after another, and this is but a foretaste of all the cool things that I will soon be finding out about my offspring.
I promised I wouldn't talk about pregnancy too much (although this is more about the kid than the pregnancy itself), so I will stop here. It's nice to be back, blog world.
Hopefully I'll see you again soon...
- Leonard Bernstein
So, my faithful 12 followers of this blog (and perhaps a few more reading on Facebook), you probably know by now that I am pregnant with the first Baby Tenny of its generation. I'm going to try really, really hard for this not to suddenly become a pregnancy blog, I promise. Although, when a small human takes over your body, I have found that it is a bit difficult to talk about anything else, but I digress...
Inspiration to write is everywhere, but I struggle with the thought of junking up the internet with more meaningless drivel that no one really wants to read. I feel like I should have something really, really good to say before I trouble you all with reading it! (You might agree!) So that is why I tend to have such long dry spells between blog posts. But as the ever-wise Mr. Bernstein says...the wait is too long if I wait for inspiration all the time. I think I should just look around.
I was inspired in the past month to find out the gender of our baby. Now, my whole life I have clung to the thought that I would want to be surprised. Then, a week or two ago I was suddenly seized with the longing to know what was growing inside my body and what, God-willing, I will be holding in my arms in a few short months. It's not because I want to buy a lot of gender-specific crap (I'll leave that to my family and friends! ha ha), but more so because I feel like it would be a great bonding sort of thing to be able to know who I'm talking to, as much as one can know a fetus, that is.
And so, if our baby has the modesty of its mother (I won Exhibitionist of the Year Award two years running in high school...you can ask me how God allowed me to become a pastor's wife later!), it will show us the goods on February 7th during the ultrasound. We'll know if I've got a little boy Tenny or a little girl Tenny. I figure that children are one frickin' giant surprise after another, and this is but a foretaste of all the cool things that I will soon be finding out about my offspring.
I promised I wouldn't talk about pregnancy too much (although this is more about the kid than the pregnancy itself), so I will stop here. It's nice to be back, blog world.
Hopefully I'll see you again soon...
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Open Note to God re: Redheads
Dear God,
If I could be assured that every single one of my children would be as cute and redheaded as the little girl I saw across from me at the IHOP today, I would be content to bear girl children until Kingdom come. Otherwise, I think I might like boys, although if you could make them redheaded too, that would be great. Healthy is also good. PS Could you make the boys look like Chris? He's so cute.
Love,
Your redheaded daughter
If I could be assured that every single one of my children would be as cute and redheaded as the little girl I saw across from me at the IHOP today, I would be content to bear girl children until Kingdom come. Otherwise, I think I might like boys, although if you could make them redheaded too, that would be great. Healthy is also good. PS Could you make the boys look like Chris? He's so cute.
Love,
Your redheaded daughter
Friday, July 02, 2010
Wisdom from Mario Andretti
If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough
- Mario Andretti
I saw this quote on my Google homepage this morning and smiled. I was a Mario Andretti fan as a child simply because he was famous and Italian and actually alive today (as opposed to all the other dead famous Italians from the Renaissance, etc...), so I was pretty excited to see a little bit of Italian wisdom glowing on my computer today.
Now, don't get me wrong, I do not really want to apply this quote to driving...I think we all know my track record with that, and I don't need to be out of control behind the wheel!
But where I do need to be more out of control is in my life.
I have discovered more and more that my main idol, the main thing that drags we away from God is my own comfort. In America, comfort is King...think all the prescription drug commercials and the invention of the easy chair. If I could control everything in my life so I was living la dolce vita all the time and always full and always warm and always happy...you'd bet I would! And I certainly try.
But I don't want comfort to be my king... I want Jesus to be my King.
Hand over the controls. Get a little uncomfortable. Get your butt out there and serve other people and love them all the way to heaven. This is what I hear God saying to me these days.
If everything seems under control...maybe I'm not living as I ought. To steal a phrase from Francis Chan, I need to let a little crazy love into my life and let it permeate the way I see the world.
Haven't you heard? To be a Christian is to be a little crazy.
For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 1 Corinthians 1:18
- Mario Andretti
I saw this quote on my Google homepage this morning and smiled. I was a Mario Andretti fan as a child simply because he was famous and Italian and actually alive today (as opposed to all the other dead famous Italians from the Renaissance, etc...), so I was pretty excited to see a little bit of Italian wisdom glowing on my computer today.
Now, don't get me wrong, I do not really want to apply this quote to driving...I think we all know my track record with that, and I don't need to be out of control behind the wheel!
But where I do need to be more out of control is in my life.
I have discovered more and more that my main idol, the main thing that drags we away from God is my own comfort. In America, comfort is King...think all the prescription drug commercials and the invention of the easy chair. If I could control everything in my life so I was living la dolce vita all the time and always full and always warm and always happy...you'd bet I would! And I certainly try.
But I don't want comfort to be my king... I want Jesus to be my King.
Hand over the controls. Get a little uncomfortable. Get your butt out there and serve other people and love them all the way to heaven. This is what I hear God saying to me these days.
If everything seems under control...maybe I'm not living as I ought. To steal a phrase from Francis Chan, I need to let a little crazy love into my life and let it permeate the way I see the world.
Haven't you heard? To be a Christian is to be a little crazy.
For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 1 Corinthians 1:18
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Solo de Jesus la Sangre
So Chris and I are chillin' at Willow Glen, havin' some church this morning, when Tiffany comes up and says, "So I guess we're having City Church outside today!"
Whaaaaaaat?
Apparently the janitor that is supposed to let us in (bless his heart) slept in or didn't realize that church is something you do every week or something. We were completely locked out of the building for our second Sunday service in the life of City Church.
Cool.
So Tiffany and I dutifully copied some lyric sheets in lieu of powerpoint and a projector, and headed over to see what we could see at 10th and Jackson.
The City Church team really gets how to roll with the punches because our entire church service just done moved itself outside! I'm talking amps, guitars, a keyboard on the bed of a pickup truck, communion out in the full sun, the works!! I was blown away at the faithfulness of my brothers and sisters. Pastor Jason just did his thing right out there in the open, prompting passersby to look at us funny, and neighbors to come out of their houses to see what was all the commotion.
Our God is faithful to us, and therefore we try to be faithful to Him. If that means church outside, then so be it! We don't need walls to be a church, dang it! I had a feeling that if we kept quiet today and admitted defeat, the very stones would have cried out in praise to the Father. Can't let them have all the fun!
God is building His church. This is what HE did.
Whaaaaaaat?
Apparently the janitor that is supposed to let us in (bless his heart) slept in or didn't realize that church is something you do every week or something. We were completely locked out of the building for our second Sunday service in the life of City Church.
Cool.
So Tiffany and I dutifully copied some lyric sheets in lieu of powerpoint and a projector, and headed over to see what we could see at 10th and Jackson.
The City Church team really gets how to roll with the punches because our entire church service just done moved itself outside! I'm talking amps, guitars, a keyboard on the bed of a pickup truck, communion out in the full sun, the works!! I was blown away at the faithfulness of my brothers and sisters. Pastor Jason just did his thing right out there in the open, prompting passersby to look at us funny, and neighbors to come out of their houses to see what was all the commotion.
Our God is faithful to us, and therefore we try to be faithful to Him. If that means church outside, then so be it! We don't need walls to be a church, dang it! I had a feeling that if we kept quiet today and admitted defeat, the very stones would have cried out in praise to the Father. Can't let them have all the fun!
God is building His church. This is what HE did.
Monday, June 07, 2010
Solo Cristo
Yesterday was a very big day in the life of City Church San Jose.
1.) It was announced to the congregation of Willow Glen Baptist Church that Jason Helveston and Chris Tenny are the candidates for their senior pastors. I am so glad that I can talk about this freely now after so much waiting and nail-biting!!
2.) City Church San Jose held its first official Sunday worship service at Grant Academy. We worshiped through fellowship with the saints, worship in both English and Spanish, holy communion, and hearing of the Word being preached. It was glorious.
I can't believe how gracious and wonderful is the God I serve! Yesterday the Word of God was preached and the name of Jesus worshiped in a place where it probably never has been before. Fifty-five souls filled the seats of the place, and voices raised to heaven to sing praises/alabazos to our God!
To any and all that have sent up a prayer or a good thought concerning City Church, the Lord has heard you and answered in mighty ways. He is building His church.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?
I went to a James Taylor and Carole King concert this past week and it was excellent. I cried during "Carolina In My Mind" and teared up in "Sweet Baby James". But one song that I've heard a hundred times before really hit me in a different way, and that was "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?"
Carole King wrote the song and a 60s girl group (Shirelles) made it famous. However, I was just hit by the simple question that the song poses. It is very poignant, and who among us hasn't felt this sentiment? I haven't felt it in the same scenario that the song portrays, thank God, but I occasionally get this feeling in other situations and when I'm feeling a little bit insecure.
"I'd like to know that your love/ Is love I can be sure of"
It started me thinking about all the people in life that I feel I can be sure of. I can be sure not only of their love but of their support in so many ways. What a huge blessing! My family, my husband, and my God.
Recently, I have been hearing about a lot of health problems in my family, however. My grandma has a tumor on her spine, rendering her numb from ankles to waist. My grandpa is also having back problems, has developed arthritis, and his high cholesterol has put him at a 25% higher risk of having a heart attack in the coming years. My mom is having continuing health issues that are scary, too. All of this forces me to realize that while my family is a lasting treasure, they won't all be around forever. I could lose them in an instant or over a long period of time, but death is stealing each of us away with every moment we breathe! (Morbid, I know.)And my husband is a wonderful, beautiful man who loves me very much, but what if something should happen to him!? It's all very tenuous, is life.
"But will my heart be broken/ When the night meets the morning sun?"
These are morbid thoughts, and maybe just a bit too heavy for your average daily blog or your average Carole King song. But I couldn't help but think it. Should every comfort I have pass away in some form or another, what will remain? Who will I be? What will I have to believe in?
WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME TOMORROW?
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Amen and amen.
Carole King wrote the song and a 60s girl group (Shirelles) made it famous. However, I was just hit by the simple question that the song poses. It is very poignant, and who among us hasn't felt this sentiment? I haven't felt it in the same scenario that the song portrays, thank God, but I occasionally get this feeling in other situations and when I'm feeling a little bit insecure.
"I'd like to know that your love/ Is love I can be sure of"
It started me thinking about all the people in life that I feel I can be sure of. I can be sure not only of their love but of their support in so many ways. What a huge blessing! My family, my husband, and my God.
Recently, I have been hearing about a lot of health problems in my family, however. My grandma has a tumor on her spine, rendering her numb from ankles to waist. My grandpa is also having back problems, has developed arthritis, and his high cholesterol has put him at a 25% higher risk of having a heart attack in the coming years. My mom is having continuing health issues that are scary, too. All of this forces me to realize that while my family is a lasting treasure, they won't all be around forever. I could lose them in an instant or over a long period of time, but death is stealing each of us away with every moment we breathe! (Morbid, I know.)And my husband is a wonderful, beautiful man who loves me very much, but what if something should happen to him!? It's all very tenuous, is life.
"But will my heart be broken/ When the night meets the morning sun?"
These are morbid thoughts, and maybe just a bit too heavy for your average daily blog or your average Carole King song. But I couldn't help but think it. Should every comfort I have pass away in some form or another, what will remain? Who will I be? What will I have to believe in?
WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME TOMORROW?
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Amen and amen.
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
Commencing Countdown, Engines On...
Here is the May Update for City Church, which was my responsibility to write this month. For those of you who already receive the City Church Newsletter...well, you get a sneak peek! Lucky you.
"As I write this, I have just stared for a full minute at an e-mail sent to me that says, “Service Launch in 33 days”. Thirty-three days until June 6th, when everything changes for our fledgling church yet again.
For those of you unfamiliar with the what, when, and how of church planting (and I might only half-jokingly include myself in that category!), a service launch is fancy church-planter language for beginning our first Sunday worship gathering. This is a very big deal in the life of a church - its public birth, you might say. This is when we go around putting door-hangers in our target neighborhoods, start talking up City Church with a vengeance all around town, and praying like our lives depended on it. Because it does, really!
A “launch” is as important as it sounds because it establishes so much of our church’s DNA: where we’ll meet, how we’ll meet, how long will the service be, what kind of songs will we sing, will we be bi-lingual, will we offer childcare, will we feed people who come to us, what will we preach?
Of course, most of those things we are able to shift and change as we learn and grow as a church that offers a Sunday service. But that last one must not ever change. The answer to the question, “What will we preach?” is the most important question of all. Will we preach Jesus Christ and Him crucified, or will we go about spouting buzzwords like “hope” and “change”? Will we boldly declare the Gospel, as we should? Or will we be so intimidated that we decide on something safe, like preaching tolerance for everything and everyone until we don’t know what we believe in anymore?
Of course, my prayer and yours for City Church should be that we are bold in the face of the Enemy. Since we crash-landed here eleven months ago, we have not ceased to claim the city of San Jose for Christ, knowing that not even the gates of hell can stand against the Kingdom that God is building; His Church, His Bride.
As the countdown continues, we beg you to be in prayer with us for the souls of this city. In the end, all those other questions are just noise. Be in prayer especially for Pastor Jason, who will be preaching on that Sunday. I leave you with a verse that I’ve heard him repeat over and over, and gives me faith in where our church is going:
“1Cr 9:16 Yet when I preach the gospel, I cannot boast, for I am compelled to preach. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!”
"As I write this, I have just stared for a full minute at an e-mail sent to me that says, “Service Launch in 33 days”. Thirty-three days until June 6th, when everything changes for our fledgling church yet again.
For those of you unfamiliar with the what, when, and how of church planting (and I might only half-jokingly include myself in that category!), a service launch is fancy church-planter language for beginning our first Sunday worship gathering. This is a very big deal in the life of a church - its public birth, you might say. This is when we go around putting door-hangers in our target neighborhoods, start talking up City Church with a vengeance all around town, and praying like our lives depended on it. Because it does, really!
A “launch” is as important as it sounds because it establishes so much of our church’s DNA: where we’ll meet, how we’ll meet, how long will the service be, what kind of songs will we sing, will we be bi-lingual, will we offer childcare, will we feed people who come to us, what will we preach?
Of course, most of those things we are able to shift and change as we learn and grow as a church that offers a Sunday service. But that last one must not ever change. The answer to the question, “What will we preach?” is the most important question of all. Will we preach Jesus Christ and Him crucified, or will we go about spouting buzzwords like “hope” and “change”? Will we boldly declare the Gospel, as we should? Or will we be so intimidated that we decide on something safe, like preaching tolerance for everything and everyone until we don’t know what we believe in anymore?
Of course, my prayer and yours for City Church should be that we are bold in the face of the Enemy. Since we crash-landed here eleven months ago, we have not ceased to claim the city of San Jose for Christ, knowing that not even the gates of hell can stand against the Kingdom that God is building; His Church, His Bride.
As the countdown continues, we beg you to be in prayer with us for the souls of this city. In the end, all those other questions are just noise. Be in prayer especially for Pastor Jason, who will be preaching on that Sunday. I leave you with a verse that I’ve heard him repeat over and over, and gives me faith in where our church is going:
“1Cr 9:16 Yet when I preach the gospel, I cannot boast, for I am compelled to preach. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!”
Monday, May 03, 2010
Holding Pattern
You are probably thinking to yourself (four followers of this blog): Cassie is still alive? She is bothering to write on this silly, forgotten thing??
So obviously the answer to both of those questions is YES! I am alive, and in fact, freshly another year older (26 to be exact). Are birthday resolutions a real thing? If so, this sad and lonely blog is one of them.
The main reason I have not been writing a blog is that I have been feeling lately that I have no story to tell. Why litter the internet with more meaninglessness and frivolity? I don't have a baby, I'm not planning a wedding, and I don't have a clever idea about cooking with Julia Child. Nothing is happening, so I can't really write about nothing.
You may be thinking, "But you've moved out to San Jose to plant a church...that's got to be exciting! Why don't you write about that?" And you would be right. It is exciting. But so many exciting things about church planting are very intangible or else really not exciting-sounding when you write them down.
"I talked to someone today." "I invited so and so for coffee." "I talked about Jesus and someone didn't run away and not want to be my friend." "A child whom I had never met ran up and gave me a great big hug on the playground today."
There are two phrases that I feel I may have been overusing in the past ten months, and I will share them with you here: "up in the air" and "holding pattern". Since a nice indie-type movie came out recently with the first phrase as a title, I decided to settle on the second for the title to my great comeback blog. =)
Planting a church is a holding pattern in many ways...how long until we kickoff? How long until we start a Gospel Group? How long until someone accepts Jesus as their Savior? How long until we launch a Sunday service?
But it has not been just that in our lives since we got here. There's been: "When will Chris get a job?" "When will my depression lift?" "When will I start enjoying Gymboree again?" "How long will Chris be interim pastor at Willow Glen?" "How long will it then take for him to find another job?" "When will we get our own place and be able to support ourselves somewhat?"
It may sound like whining or impatience when put all together like that, but these have been the questions I've asked of God many times while being here. Thankfully, He has brought us miraculously through many of these questions and into a wonderful new phase of our lives. But there are still many questions. Both my job and Chris' job are up in the air right now. Willow Glen Baptist sounds like they are on the verge of choosing their new pastor and then what for us? My part-time turned full-time job is about to go part-time again...but we only kinda know the whens and hows. Did we make the right decision to move downtown when everything is so unstable?
However, I have realized that our God is sovereign over all things. When I say I believe that, I have to actually believe that ALL means ALL: God over my questions, God over the answers, God over this city, God over our Church, God over our apartment, God over our marriage, God over our families and our futures.
He's got it. But He's not always going to send me a memo in advance about it.
So I wait...
And while you wait with me, you can enjoy some pics of our "new" (hundred year old) apartment:
Friday, September 04, 2009
Jesus + Nothing
Here is a copy of the main letter I wrote in our City Church newsletter this month:
Jesus Plus Nothing – by Cassandra Tenny
The whole leadership team was shocked to realize that it was time to get our newsletter out again. Already? I think it is safe to say that time has been flying for us here on the mission field. Summer months are gone and we are already into September, our third official month here in San Jose.
September is going to be very big in the foundation of City Church San Jose. We are starting Gospel Groups on Thursday, September 3rd, which in essence is the kickoff of us as a real church body. We held an informational meeting in late August to ask a few more people to join us as a core group, and so far we are up to six people from four. A pretty good step in the right direction, I think!
We covet your prayers as we take the next step and invite our friends who don’t yet know Jesus to come and study the Bible with us, help serve others in our community, and generally “do life” together. Be praying that our new friends and acquaintances will come to love the community that they see exemplified, but more importantly, that they would come to know the Savior who inspires it all. In fact, we have titled our first study series “Jesus + Nothing” to remind ourselves and everyone else where our hopes and futures lie.
Every time that we meet as a leadership team, we remind ourselves that it is not about us being cool or flashy or having all the answers. It is not about our wonderful methods or the fact that we like to drink coffee and have BBQs and hang out. The reason why we all gave up our ordinary lives to become church planters and to really love this city?
Jesus, and only Jesus.
Jesus plus nothing.
Jesus Plus Nothing – by Cassandra Tenny
The whole leadership team was shocked to realize that it was time to get our newsletter out again. Already? I think it is safe to say that time has been flying for us here on the mission field. Summer months are gone and we are already into September, our third official month here in San Jose.
September is going to be very big in the foundation of City Church San Jose. We are starting Gospel Groups on Thursday, September 3rd, which in essence is the kickoff of us as a real church body. We held an informational meeting in late August to ask a few more people to join us as a core group, and so far we are up to six people from four. A pretty good step in the right direction, I think!
We covet your prayers as we take the next step and invite our friends who don’t yet know Jesus to come and study the Bible with us, help serve others in our community, and generally “do life” together. Be praying that our new friends and acquaintances will come to love the community that they see exemplified, but more importantly, that they would come to know the Savior who inspires it all. In fact, we have titled our first study series “Jesus + Nothing” to remind ourselves and everyone else where our hopes and futures lie.
Every time that we meet as a leadership team, we remind ourselves that it is not about us being cool or flashy or having all the answers. It is not about our wonderful methods or the fact that we like to drink coffee and have BBQs and hang out. The reason why we all gave up our ordinary lives to become church planters and to really love this city?
Jesus, and only Jesus.
Jesus plus nothing.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
The California Blues
So the past few weeks have been very intense and wonderful/horrible for me. Some of you may have read my husband's moving account of what he's been thinking and feeling recently of our newly acquired California identity. My account mirror's his somewhat.
If you've spoken to me at all recently, you may have noticed that I'm not necessarily my chipper, optimistic self. I was hit pretty hard with what the professionals call "situational depression" and "anxiety", but what I shall call "The California Blues". I don't need to be monitored or drugged or anything, but it was a major event that I'm not entirely sure is over. Even looking around me at the beautiful California sunshine, I was anxious, depressed, slightly panicky and an all-around mess. My health has been suffering, not to say anything of my demeanor!
I think part of this is that I was up until very recently working six days a week. This gave me little to no time to process our big move out here from Denver. Finding my way at my new job was very strenuous. You'd think that Gymboree in San Jose would be just like working at Gymboree in Denver, but it is not. So many things are different and that is very stressful for me. I'm coming out of it now. I asked for an extra day off and when it was granted, I felt like I had a whole new lease on life! TWO whole days off!!
I've been clinging to God and my husband and new friends in this time. Thanks be to God for the love and support of my family, as well. The Harmons are a huge, huge blessing. My mommy sent me some herbal supplements that are supposed to help with mood, so I'm looking forward to seeing a little improvement in my entire outlook.
The great news is that the church plant is blossoming and our plans seem to be thriving as we continue to seek God. As Chris mentioned in his blog, no book you read on the subject seems to tell you about the "honeymoon phase" of church-planting coming to an end. (Probably because what we're doing is more like becoming missionaries than the church-planting norm.) However, we continue to carry on. Prayer meetings are already under way, we are building relationships with area churches and their pastors, and hopefully beginning to really get a feel for where the city is at the moment and how we can best serve the people of San Jose.
As a side note, in case you are interested, here are four albums that I really leaned on to help me feel less panicky and depressed:
1. Ben Lee - Awake is the New Sleep
2. Regina Spektor - Far
3. Richard Buckner - Bloomed
4. Ray LaMontagne - Til the Sun Turns Black
(It's not surprising for a musical person to lean on music in a time of crisis, is it?)
If you've spoken to me at all recently, you may have noticed that I'm not necessarily my chipper, optimistic self. I was hit pretty hard with what the professionals call "situational depression" and "anxiety", but what I shall call "The California Blues". I don't need to be monitored or drugged or anything, but it was a major event that I'm not entirely sure is over. Even looking around me at the beautiful California sunshine, I was anxious, depressed, slightly panicky and an all-around mess. My health has been suffering, not to say anything of my demeanor!
I think part of this is that I was up until very recently working six days a week. This gave me little to no time to process our big move out here from Denver. Finding my way at my new job was very strenuous. You'd think that Gymboree in San Jose would be just like working at Gymboree in Denver, but it is not. So many things are different and that is very stressful for me. I'm coming out of it now. I asked for an extra day off and when it was granted, I felt like I had a whole new lease on life! TWO whole days off!!
I've been clinging to God and my husband and new friends in this time. Thanks be to God for the love and support of my family, as well. The Harmons are a huge, huge blessing. My mommy sent me some herbal supplements that are supposed to help with mood, so I'm looking forward to seeing a little improvement in my entire outlook.
The great news is that the church plant is blossoming and our plans seem to be thriving as we continue to seek God. As Chris mentioned in his blog, no book you read on the subject seems to tell you about the "honeymoon phase" of church-planting coming to an end. (Probably because what we're doing is more like becoming missionaries than the church-planting norm.) However, we continue to carry on. Prayer meetings are already under way, we are building relationships with area churches and their pastors, and hopefully beginning to really get a feel for where the city is at the moment and how we can best serve the people of San Jose.
As a side note, in case you are interested, here are four albums that I really leaned on to help me feel less panicky and depressed:
1. Ben Lee - Awake is the New Sleep
2. Regina Spektor - Far
3. Richard Buckner - Bloomed
4. Ray LaMontagne - Til the Sun Turns Black
(It's not surprising for a musical person to lean on music in a time of crisis, is it?)
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
The Way to San Jose
So, now I can say I know the way to San Jose (har har)...from Denver, at least. You just take highway 80 west and keep going...and going...and going. Then turn south at Sacramento, but be sure to eat In n Out first. Soon, you'll be in San Jose just like us!
Beyond the driving to get here (with a "check engine light" scare averted), God has been taking care of us mightily now that we are safely in the arms of our family. The Harmons are a most lovely and welcoming family. Being the ones to give us quality housing at the price of "free", they have immediately become our largest financial supporters. We are completely indebted to them...and they feed us, too! We also have fun because they love to play games like Farkle and Taboo (well, not Uncle Chuck, but he also doesn't respond to the term "party pooper" in the way I'd hoped).
Hold on to your seats, there's more. I've been conned into running a half marathon on October 4th, 2009. It's the Rock n Roll half marathon, and it is a San Jose community event, which means it is something that we should take part in. Letitia, Chris and I are going to try to run it, and Jason (the only one among us who actually runs) is going to be a water boy, or some other kind of volunteer. Let's hope I don't die or kill others in the process of training, since I hate running, as most of you know.
The church planting is off to a great start, although there is not much to report at this juncture to those of us not on our leadership team. It's just groundwork being laid and little things that God is doing to show us that He is for us, and that we are doing His work in His strength. Little things every day are affirming that we are supposed to be here, and that is really important when you have uprooted your whole life to answer a call to a city you barely know.
We covet the prayers of our friends and family. If you have a few extra dollars to throw our way, that would be appreciated also. To check up on us, you can always visit www.downtownsynergy.com and we will have a newsletter available soon to our prayer and financial partners (and other interested parties).
Here we go!!
Beyond the driving to get here (with a "check engine light" scare averted), God has been taking care of us mightily now that we are safely in the arms of our family. The Harmons are a most lovely and welcoming family. Being the ones to give us quality housing at the price of "free", they have immediately become our largest financial supporters. We are completely indebted to them...and they feed us, too! We also have fun because they love to play games like Farkle and Taboo (well, not Uncle Chuck, but he also doesn't respond to the term "party pooper" in the way I'd hoped).
Hold on to your seats, there's more. I've been conned into running a half marathon on October 4th, 2009. It's the Rock n Roll half marathon, and it is a San Jose community event, which means it is something that we should take part in. Letitia, Chris and I are going to try to run it, and Jason (the only one among us who actually runs) is going to be a water boy, or some other kind of volunteer. Let's hope I don't die or kill others in the process of training, since I hate running, as most of you know.
The church planting is off to a great start, although there is not much to report at this juncture to those of us not on our leadership team. It's just groundwork being laid and little things that God is doing to show us that He is for us, and that we are doing His work in His strength. Little things every day are affirming that we are supposed to be here, and that is really important when you have uprooted your whole life to answer a call to a city you barely know.
We covet the prayers of our friends and family. If you have a few extra dollars to throw our way, that would be appreciated also. To check up on us, you can always visit www.downtownsynergy.com and we will have a newsletter available soon to our prayer and financial partners (and other interested parties).
Here we go!!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Bearing
I've been thinking a lot about this word "bearing".
There are a few ways that it is used in modern life, such as "Bear with me". (Incidentally, many people misspell this as "Bare with me", which is essentially inviting everyone else to accompany you in getting naked.) Think about "bearing children" or a tree "bearing fruit". People speak of "getting their bearings" in a new place. Or perhaps when something awful tops off an already awful day, it is "more than you can bear".
There are uses of this word "bear" in the Bible; many, in fact. I've been thinking about two of the uses in light of recent occurrences in my family that have been especially difficult for me to bear.
Gal 6:2 Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
When things befall me or my family that are too heavy for me to bear on my own, I turn to others in the body of Christ that I know I can trust and literally ask them to bear my burdens with me. I ask them without shame to labor with me in prayer. I ask in complete dependence, knowing that they will come through for me. Not everyone in the church will be willing to do this with such alacrity, but it is Biblical! In college I really learned this. People go through hard times and some things were never meant to be borne alone. This is why Christ sent the Holy Spirit after Him to establish His church, His body, His bride. We were not meant to live the Christian life in isolation; it was meant to be lived in community. Bearing each other's burdens fulfills the law of Christ.
Eph 4:2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
This is what comes into play when you are simply tired of bearing everyone's burdens and you just want to shout at them to grow up, bear your own darn burdens, and leave me alone! I have been there. There are times when one must summon an almost inhuman amount of patience and humility, knowing what Christ bore for us. Then we must choose again and again to be gentle and patient and bear with one another in love. This can be especially difficult when you are in the midst of bearing your own large burden, and then you are asked to bear with one another, too! And not just barely bear them, but to bear with them in LOVE. Ah, now that's when I need help.
And here it is: Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus speaking,
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (New International Version)
Just reading those words brings tears to my eyes. Think about someone telling you to come to them and that they will give you rest. I know I need that. I know many people who need lighter burdens, who need some rest for their souls. Right now I feel that I am one of them. Where in this busy, bustling world can you find it?
Look to the Good Shepherd. Look to His Word. Look to His Church. The burden He gives us is never too much to bear, as long as we do not try and bear it alone.
There are a few ways that it is used in modern life, such as "Bear with me". (Incidentally, many people misspell this as "Bare with me", which is essentially inviting everyone else to accompany you in getting naked.) Think about "bearing children" or a tree "bearing fruit". People speak of "getting their bearings" in a new place. Or perhaps when something awful tops off an already awful day, it is "more than you can bear".
There are uses of this word "bear" in the Bible; many, in fact. I've been thinking about two of the uses in light of recent occurrences in my family that have been especially difficult for me to bear.
Gal 6:2 Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
When things befall me or my family that are too heavy for me to bear on my own, I turn to others in the body of Christ that I know I can trust and literally ask them to bear my burdens with me. I ask them without shame to labor with me in prayer. I ask in complete dependence, knowing that they will come through for me. Not everyone in the church will be willing to do this with such alacrity, but it is Biblical! In college I really learned this. People go through hard times and some things were never meant to be borne alone. This is why Christ sent the Holy Spirit after Him to establish His church, His body, His bride. We were not meant to live the Christian life in isolation; it was meant to be lived in community. Bearing each other's burdens fulfills the law of Christ.
Eph 4:2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
This is what comes into play when you are simply tired of bearing everyone's burdens and you just want to shout at them to grow up, bear your own darn burdens, and leave me alone! I have been there. There are times when one must summon an almost inhuman amount of patience and humility, knowing what Christ bore for us. Then we must choose again and again to be gentle and patient and bear with one another in love. This can be especially difficult when you are in the midst of bearing your own large burden, and then you are asked to bear with one another, too! And not just barely bear them, but to bear with them in LOVE. Ah, now that's when I need help.
And here it is: Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus speaking,
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (New International Version)
Just reading those words brings tears to my eyes. Think about someone telling you to come to them and that they will give you rest. I know I need that. I know many people who need lighter burdens, who need some rest for their souls. Right now I feel that I am one of them. Where in this busy, bustling world can you find it?
Look to the Good Shepherd. Look to His Word. Look to His Church. The burden He gives us is never too much to bear, as long as we do not try and bear it alone.
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