On Resembling My Father

It's really cool to watch kids grow up and see what traits they inherit from their parents. I can readily name off which traits, physical and otherwise, I received from either of my parents: wavy hair from Mom, squinty eyes from Dad, loud laugh from Mom, sense of humor from Dad, figure from Mom, wide feet from Dad, brain from both sides, and on and on. To eventually look and sound like your parents is one of nature's great hilarities.

It is this way when you are a child of God, too. When I was adopted as a daughter, I immediately began to take on new traits, to become a little more like my Father. By His grace, this will continue in a positive trajectory until I see Him face to face at the end of this life. I want to look and sound more and more like a child of God every day. I want to have my Dad's love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

This morning, my baby all the sudden decided he didn't want to eat his banana. However, I know for a fact that he loves banana. I tried to verbally encourage him to eat it, but he was having none of it. Eventually, after breaking it off myself and gently hand-feeding it to him, he remembered, "Oh yes! I love banana! Banana is my favorite." I said to him, "See? Mommy knows you and knows what's good for you! You have to trust me because I know you best!"

There are so many times as a parent when I say things to my baby and I have to stop and smile, because I can just imagine God smiling and saying, "Hmmm, now where have I heard that before?"

As I watch my child grow up and delight in each little thing I can see that he inherited from me (taste in food) and from his father (facial expressions), I have to remember that it is much more important for him to begin to look and sound like his heavenly Father. Strange as it sounds, I care about that more than I care about him being smart, funny, well-fed or well-read.

Are YOU Mom Enough?

So, of course this Time magazine cover and article is riling everyone up. I've already been posting some responses to some visceral reactions on Facebook, but I figured out, Wait a minute...due to the magic of internet, I actually have my very own sparsely read forum on which to post my opinions!! Ha ha, welcome to the blogosphere. 


(So, basically this is a reprinting of some of my previously written comments, slightly expanded for blog form, complete with generated internet memes! Huzzah!!)


Everything about that article and that cover was made to rile people up. And it worked! The whole "Are you mom enough?" thing will piss a bunch of people off, as will the "provocative" photos of mothers breast feeding their kids. There is science being flung around all over the place, where "studies show" this and "well my mom did" that. 

There is no right answer, people. Motherhood is like art!!! Pay attention to your own painting/dance/drama/tragedy/song...and high five all the other moms who are doing their thing well.

I'm just really tired of moms attacking one another and acting like some know better than others. Okay, if I happen to see you doing jello shots off your child's tummy or dangling them out of windows, etc... I would probably call CPS. But if it isn't abusive, it's the parent's choices. It makes me sad how angry we get at one another. Work, stay home, breast feed til age 20 or formula straight outta the womb, sleep together, sleep apart, organic vs not...it's all up to the care-giver. We are all moms and we are all in this together!!! Now let's all join hands and sing Kumbaya!

Got it?! 

Now, it's Mother's Day on Sunday!! Y'all get along and stop hating on each other!

Bad.Mouth.

Recently read an article by Ashley Judd lambasting the media for what she labeled misogynistic comments about her "puffy face". Apparently media sources were quick to assume her puffy appearance was an indication of "work done" on her face, etc, etc...

The part that got me was when she called out women for participating in this misogyny, claiming that we are participating therefore in the patriarchic system that we claim to despise.

Aside from all the feminist rhetoric, I truly had to have a long think about the things I say about other women. I can hear myself denigrating their bodies, faces or outfits aloud, yet of course I would be offended if anyone felt they were free to make such comments to me or about me. I was struck by the pettiness and cattiness inherent in so much of media aimed at women.

Anyway, the real thing that hit me as I thought about all this was how my mother would always say, "Do you see that woman over there? Isn't she beautiful?" Most of the time, it would take me a moment to recognize what she meant, because most of the women she pointed out weren't glossy mag model material. They were usually ladies who dressed appropriately, took care in their appearance, and walked with grace and purpose. In this subtle way, my mother imparted to me a picture of where true beauty can be found. It never looked exactly the same twice; black women, white women, large and small, old and young would be pointed out and praised for their innate and natural beauty. (She also made a point of highlighting photos of movie stars with no makeup on, not to say how ugly they looked, but to show us how normal and everyday these women were without hours and hours of hair, makeup, and airbrushing.)

My challenge to myself is to continue this line of thinking and attempt to impart it to my son. The challenge is to throw off the pettiness and cattiness and choose to point out the good and beautiful in what I see. Thanks, mama, for setting such a good example. I was actually listening! And you remain one of the most beautiful people I have ever known, inside and out.

How I Save Money - Clothing

So here is another post about saving moola, being fabulously dressed on a dime.

I'm just telling you how I roll here, and maybe it won't be applicable in all situations, but perhaps you can be inspired!

Over-arching rule. I never, ever, EVER pay full price for clothing. Ever. No matter what. This is rule #1 and all other rules follow in it's footsteps!

1. When shopping for used clothing, check your attitude at the door.
I always hear people whining about used clothing stores, "They never have anything good. They smell. They're only for tiny/large people." I can debunk those one at a time (okay maybe not the smell one, but one must suffer for fashion in about a million senses, so why not an odd-smelling store?), but I won't bother. If you make up your mind to try, you will find something awesome at least some of the time. Maybe a thrift store isn't your thing no matter what I say. Maybe you should try consignment shops! More on those later.

2. Know your brands and know your size.
There is much time and frustration to be saved this way. For instance, I know that I am a size (nevermind, I'm not telling you the number) in either short, ankle, or petite, depending on what item of clothing I'm buying and from where. (There is a pretty cool app for iPhone called What's My Size? where you enter your measurements and it is supposed to tell you what size you wear in a whole bunch of brands based on their individual published sizing charts.) For another instance, I know that GAP jeans look good on me, but Old Navy skirts will always be unfathomably huge on my frame. I also know that American Eagle Outfitters makes good pants for petites. This sort of knowledge serves me well. I can spot a pair of GAP jeans in a full rack from across the store, almost! Go into a thrift or consignment store and simply shop brands you love! As a side note, this could serve you well if you wish to gamble and shop for used or vintage clothes online. It is again invaluable to know your sizes and measurements.

3. Sale days, coupons, free shipping, and clearance racks are all my dear, close friends.
You might argue, 'Sometimes clearance racks are full of horrible, stained, returned crap that no one in their right mind would buy!' Very true, but c'est la vie! Try again another day. Here's a tip about saving money while clothes shopping...you don't have to buy something just because you've "gone shopping"! Also, when shopping online, be careful of "FREE SHIPPING" in bold print and "with $100 purchase" very tiny trailing behind. Unless you were already planning on spending $100...this is not a deal! (I still get sucked into this one once in awhile...sigh)

4. Do a lap.
I walk around the store probably twice with my potential purchases in my hands. If I haven't changed my cheap little mind by convincing myself I don't need these items by the time the second lap is over, then its game on! I allow myself time to build up buyer's remorse but without the actual buying!

5. Just because it's on sale or clearance does not make it a good buy!
For one thing, any sale of less than 30% is stupid. The store marks up items by at least that much right off the bat, so you're really not "saving" anything, in my mind.

Secondly, and more importantly, you're not going to save money if you just buy a bunch of cheap crap that you don't love and then never wear. There is therefore an inverse to this rule...

Okay, confession time...
I have broken my over-arching rule a few times in my thrifty little life. Once was on a dress for a wedding, which I then proceeded to wear to many other weddings and events, including to my best friend's wedding as her maid of honor. In my opinion, that dress has paid for itself at least twice over. Maybe there is a coat or a bag or a pair of boots that transcend trendiness and pass into the realm of classic. Maybe you've found yourself in a department store by some odd twist of fate and there is no sale tag in sight. After following rule #4, I would say go for it. Because there's a difference between being thrifty and being just plain cheap: thriftiness understands the value of quality. If you're going to wear it and love it until it's threadbare and then you'll get it repaired and wear it and love it some more, then, well, you can't argue with love!

6. Pay it forward or sell it back.

There are a few places in my town that buy used clothing as well as sell it. Therefore, you can be doubly frugal by selling things you have no more use or love for, and using that money to buy discounted items again. The trick with these places is that the items you are trying to sell have to be in really good condition, and they still have to be in fashion. You can't just go buy a bunch of mom jeans from the Salvation Army and expect to upsell them back to a consignment place. These stores nearly always have a really good eye for quality, styling and trends, so you have to go with their flow in order to make any money. The upside of this is that the items in this store require less pawing through to find quality...you are more shopping for your style in a consignment store than attempting to find something without holes or pit stains, which can be the case in some yuckier thrift stores. You again save time and hassle this way.

So, there you go. If you're into numbers and proof, perhaps you'll take my advice as someone who walked out of my last shopping trip with four pairs of jeans (yes, 3 of them were GAP, ha!), a dress, a GAP jacket, a bangle, three pairs of shoes (flats, kitten heels and stilettos) and a book and sweater for my kid all for the low, low price of $55USD.

Deals are everywhere...you just have to hunt them down!

How do YOU save money on clothing or fashion?

How I Save Money - Groceries

[This will be the first in a series of blog posts that were inspired by my friend Samantha.]

I have much to learn, but I am a pretty thrifty little gal when you get right down to it, so I have been invited share some of my "secrets" to saving money. I will start in a very obvious place...the grocery store!

1. Choose a store with the lowest prices overall. Shopping around and driving all over town just mostly drives me crazy and takes a lot of time and energy for not much return. After shopping at Mi Pueblo, Safeway, Target and Trader Joe's, we've finally decided that Trader Joe's all on it's own, while not perfect, is the best store for us. No coupon clipping, mostly healthy stuff, low prices.

2. Caveat to rule #1 - if you have a collection of stores like a bakery, deli, and fruit and veg stand close together in your city or town, disregard rule #1 and shop specialty. Something happened to me during uni in Australia...I realized that I actually couldn't afford to shop at a grocery store...it was TOO EXPENSIVE! Totally crazy to think about now, but what could I do instead? On the way home from uni (walking...the bus was too expensive too...I'm serious), I would stop at the bakery, deli and fruit and veg stand and get all the things I needed for much cheaper.

3. This is a little bit neurotic, but I try never to spend over $3 on any one item. Try it sometime! (You'll always have a few items over, but try it anyway.)

4. Plan your meals. This is invaluable. I subscribe to one or more cooking magazines, but you don't need to pay for that, actually, since there are so many cooking websites out there. I plan three or four meals per week and then eat leftovers for lunches. I like to use Rachael Ray recipes (www.rachaelraymag.com) because they are usually simple and quick. Not the fanciest, but you do what works for you!

5. Speaking of cooking websites, www.allrecipes.com has become a new favorite. This is not only because of its extensive collection of recipes of all kinds, but because of a special feature they have where you can type in ingredients that you have on hand and search for recipes that way! The reason this is so awesome for me is that this is the way I can stretch the ingredients I have on hand to make quick weeknight dinners in the interim between shopping trips.

6. Again dove-tailing into the above is using similar ingredients in multiple recipes so that you don't have to buy such a wide variety of individualized ingredients. This doesn't have to be boring (chicken again??) unless you let it. It doesn't have to be the main ingredient that is similar...something I do often is using the same fresh herbs in multiple recipes. Buying fresh herbs can be pricey and I find that you never, ever use the whole thing that you buy in just the one recipe!! However, you can put fresh thyme on a zucchini pizza and fresh thyme in chicken and wine and not get bored.

7. This one may upset some people (my husband included), but a surefire way to save BIG money on groceries? Skip the meat. Sorry, carnivores. However, you can save a bit of money by doing one or two meatless meals a week and see how that goes. Maybe the savings will taste good enough to continue the practice!

8. Shop and eat in-season and local produce as much as possible. You'll save money and it's better for the environment, etc, etc... Though something in human nature may crave a juicy fresh mango in the middle of winter, you're really gonna pay for it. Try to resist.

9. Similarly, try to resist a lot of fun, colorful packaged and processed products. It is so, so expensive for what it is! It's like paying someone to increase your doctor bills. As an example, your kid doesn't need fruit roll-ups in their lunch box...in-season fruit will be much cheaper and healthier. Another example is microwave popcorn. That stuff is SUPER bad for you (weird chemicals in the bag, amazing amounts of sodium and fat), but not only that, you can buy a half pound bag of popcorn kernels for a quarter the price of a box of the "fake" stuff. So easy to make at home and takes pretty much the same amount of time!

10. Buy from bulk bins whenever possible. Flour, beans, oatmeal, nuts and much more can be bought for amazing prices when they are not pre-packaged for you. Bulk bins are not found just anywhere anymore, disappointingly, but if you can find a place that has this option, you're golden.

These are my top ten that I can think of off the top of my head.
Hopefully this is helpful! Think smart, get disciplined, develop good shopping habits. You'll be lining your pockets with extra cash in no time!

Any more tips? Leave me a comment!

Home Economics

Origin of the word "economy" - Middle French yconomie, from Medieval Latin oeconomia, from Greek oikonomia, from oikonomos household manager, from oikos house + nemein to manage- Merriam Webster Dictionary, m-w.com. (Special thanks to my friend Jordan Capps for partially inspiring this post)

So, I've been seeing these ads in magazines and on TV from Honda. They are advertising their vehicles with a new campaign that basically says, "I want to accomplish _________ before I have kids." (I guess a Honda would help me do these things? Not sure what the point is, but anyway...) Some things on the list in the advertisement are "take up archery, go mountain uni-cycling, march in a Mardi Gras parade" and it goes on from there.

This got me thinking about the fact that I now have a kid. I am now "chained down" and can't go anywhere or do anything because of said shackles. Not to mention the ol' ball and chain I'm married to. All that's left for me is to practice my little home economics experiments and wait to be an empty-nester so I can get my freedom back. (I'm being facetious, of course.)

On the subject of "home economics", recently I was reminded of an alternate meaning of the word "economy".
I think this definition describes it:
"Theology.
a. the divine plan for humanity, from creation through redemption to final beatitude.
b. the method of divine administration, as at a particular time or for a particular race."

And funnily enough right after that one: "Obsolete . the management of household affairs." (www.dictionary.com)

Where am I going with all this? I'm a bit fuzzy on it myself, but it has something to do with a bigger picture, a bigger plan, the sovereignty of God, and the home. It has to do with God's plan for me as a wife and mother. It has to do with my husband's and my plan, our ECONOMY, for our household and our child and future children.

I hope I can say this without sounding snotty, sanctimonious or self-righteous, but here goes:
It has become plain to me, in my life, that all these "things" I want/wanted to accomplish before marriage and kids are nothing. They are selfish, a chasing after the wind. What's important in this world? People. Love. And which people has God given me to love first and foremost if not my husband and my child?

I am not ashamed to be a housewife, an "obsolete" manager of household affairs. When you think about it, this is a big deal. I'm raising up small people who will one day be big people with ambitions and plans of their own. I've concluded that guiding their little minds is more important than all the Mardi Gras parades or all those mountains that will be untouched by my unicycle. I'm so glad I didn't wait forever trying to accomplish silly things before investing myself in something much bigger than myself and my own desires.

For Unto Us a Child is Born

Having a kid at Christmas is great. He will never remember his first Christmas, but I'm still just a little bit excited to see presents from family accumulating under the tree. Presents that I or his dad will open for him, of course. So really, baby's first Christmas is much more about his parents' joy and delight than our child's.

But as the gifts under the tree stack up higher, I am brought again to a subject that I've thought a lot about, as a Christian and now as a parent: What will our family Christmases look like in the future, as (god-willing) more children are added to the brood? Will we tell our children that a fat man in a red suit delivers gifts to them and all other children on Christmas? Will we limit our Christmas celebration to a few gifts under the tree? What about Advent? What about baby Jesus? What about needy kids?

So many things to ponder. I think my hubs and I agree that our kids will not "believe in Santa", in the traditional sense. We like the idea of St. Nicholas, and telling our children about this friendly saint who is the patron of children and gave gold coins to the poor. This, in turn, can be a springboard for shifting our kids' focus from themselves to others at Christmas and always.


On this subject, my husband and I have yet to talk at length, but I think we are already setting a precedent by not buying our baby any gifts for Christmas this year. Well, technically we bought him a doorway jumper way back in October and said, "It can be for Christmas". That was 40 bucks and we haven't spent any more on the little guy. When family wants to shower him with gifts, especially on his first Christmas, I will not object or do anything rash like give all the gifts away to needy kids. But I do think that we will end up perhaps getting one gift for each child in the future and then try and focus on ways to serve needy families in the holiday season.



Of course, as a pastor's family, we will also introduce the birth of Christ as the focal point of the holiday of Christmas, and build into our traditions this important precept. I love the idea of celebrating Advent, or the season leading up to the actual holiday. To me, it imbues the whole month of December with a sense of awe and anticipation to celebrate God becoming a little baby, being born in a manger to a regular Jewish family to be raised among men. (Read a version of the Christmas story here!)

Christmas is truly one of the most wonderful times of the year, and I think as our economy continues to be unstable, people are truly realizing how gross the excesses of holidays past have been. There is a photo circulating on Facebook that juxtaposes shoppers, arms filled with "stuff", with a photo of hungry African children, holding out their hands for a scrap of food. The caption reads, "Define Need". Thought-provoking, humbling, and hopefully brings me to true repentance of materialism and greed all year round.

In the end, for the Christian, this holiday is about our God being born among us as a little child, shedding the glory of His heavenly presence to incarnate in human form. It is mind-boggling, and deserves the sense of awe that many children feel when ogling a tree-full of presents on December 25. For without His birth, there could never be His death.

Without His death, we could never truly have life.

Merry Christmas!

A Glorious Inconvenience

Hubby and I have got a very new, very large inconvenience happening in our life these days.

He moved into our room a little over two weeks ago. He screams sometimes until he gets his way. He's super-needy. He demands to be fed about every three hours, including in the middle of the night. I have to wipe his eyes, nose and butt for him.

His name is Calvin James, and he has shifted my whole world and given me a new normal.



I love him more than almost anything!

While it is true that children are an extreme "inconvenience", what with all their neediness and mess, they are what Mark Driscoll calls "a glorious inconvenience". I understand this now. And like many things about the parent/child relationship, I can see a very large insight into the God/child relationship that I wasn't fully aware of until we produced a squalling little inconvenience of our own.

It's hard to believe, but God loves me with the same tender love that I direct to Calvin...but perfect. So he doesn't get mad when I drop my pacifier while I'm screaming or eat my hands instead of the food that is being offered. He doesn't get surprised or frustrated when I make a giant mess of things. He isn't really annoyed if I decide I need Him in the middle of the night. I've only known Calvin for three weeks, and I love him more than I thought I would. God has known me since the beginning of time (for lack of a better term, because He had no beginning!) and loves me immeasurably more than I can fathom!


These new insights are mere glimpses and shadows of a greater truth. I'm so thankful for my little inconvenience, even as he screams and I try to type with one hand! I can't wait for all the wonderful surprises that are in store for me as I continue the journey of motherhood!

Commencing Countdown

As I'm looking at my little pregnancy app this morning and it is telling me that I have 2 weeks and 5 days until my due date, the reality of motherhood is slowly beginning to dawn on me. For the past few days I've kept telling my baby to hurry up, only to mentally check myself and think...these are my last days of "freedom". I should really be living in the moment, enjoying these last little kicks and jabs and time to nap, clean and take a shower whenever I want!

I have had a really blessed pregnancy, and I'm hoping this carries over into labor and delivery, but once this baby begins his descent, well...I realize all bets are off.

And so, with one more shortened week of work ahead of me, I then face some time to just wait. The reality is that Calvin could really enjoy being in the womb and decide to stay there for another month before the docs would do anything to help him along. A MONTH! I could be waiting around for what feels like forever!

So, what should I do with my free time after next week? I live in a small apartment, so there's only so much cleaning to be done (although the place needs it!). I'm sure there will be some lazy movie-watching and napping going on. But what else? What should I do to fill my days? Any moms, I would appreciate your thoughts or experiences. Or, anyone else who is a professional at filling time with amusing things...anyone retired and want to tell me what you do to fill days? I'd like to not waste them!

19 days and counting...

Important Questions

My pastor wrote this blog and it is a beautiful, well thought out, and biblical answer to the question posed by a six-year old in church this past week, "What happens to a one-year-old who dies?"

Read and be blessed.

Operating Instructions

I just finished reading Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year by Anne Lamott this morning. Fabulous book, and it got me thinking...

In it, the author is determined (in a funny way, not too much a scary way) to instill in her son from infancy the political ideals that she holds to. She whispers her liberal rhetoric in his ears as he sleeps and nurses. She thinks she will turn him into a brilliant opposition leader someday.

In a similar way, having a kid reminds of the feeling I would get every time I moved schools when I was a kid (which was a LOT): I could start over completely and be whomever I wanted to be! I could re-invent myself as something different than I was before! Of course, this never really worked out for me. I was always the nerdy, funny, slightly off-kilter redhead, no matter where I went. But the feeling was there...this infinite power in my grasp to remold myself and change my destiny. There is a little piece of me that feels that sense of power when I think about Calvin and how I can mold him into who I want him to be.

Then again, I've seen enough to realize that this won't necessarily work out for me, either. Just because I want Calvin to have his dad's smarts and my sense of humor, and to inherit easy-going ways from both his parents, well...that's not necessarily how this all works! I get that.

But I also know that there are some things that I wish Calvin to know and grasp right out of the hopper. For instance, I want him to know his Creator. I want him to know that life is not about rules and regulations, but about loving God and loving people in ways both tangible and intangible. I want him to have great faith and great humor in equal quantities so that he can deal with devastating blows as they come, because I know they will. I want him to really know these things in a way that effects the way he thinks and makes decisions and lives his entire life.

How this all shakes out, of course, remains to be seen. Perhaps I should be praying for that great faith and great humor in equal quantities as I raise my son. I think I'm going to need them!

Just In Time

Hubs and I have got about 13 weeks, give or take, until we are officially parents of an official out-in-the-world baby. The thought takes my breathe away (maybe half from awe and half from hyperventilation)!

Because our little bebe has pretty developed hearing these days, I've decided to read out loud to him in the mornings from this great little book called The Jesus Story Book Bible. This is the mother of all children's bibles and every time I read a story from it, I cry and remember all the wonderful things God has done. It is perfect in its simplicity, and profound in its childlike wording.

The other day I read the story of Abraham and Isaac. For those of you not familiar, you might not see why I was dreading reading this story, so I will recap. Abraham is chosen by God to be the father of the nation of Israel, God's special covenant people. He promises to make Abraham's line great in number and in standing. To this end, God grants Abraham and his wife Sarah little boy, even though they are both in their 90s! Then God asks Abraham the unthinkable...to sacrifice his son Isaac on an altar. In the end, Abraham's willingness was enough and God spared Isaac and gave the pair a ram to sacrifice instead as an offering to Him.

As you might imagine, reading about sacrificing one's only son is a little traumatizing for a pregnant lady. But the part that struck me in the story was that God provided an alternative sacrifice "just in time".

Sometimes I feel like God is doing everything "just in time", keeping everyone biting their fingernails on the edge of their seats seeing if He will come through. But the older I get, I realize that God does all things in HIS time, and that it is perfect. It isn't sliding into home plate just before the ball hits, or getting back to your car just as the cop takes out his pen for your ticket. It's PERFECT timing, considering all possible iterations in the universe (He is God, after all).

That just made me feel a lot better about becoming a parent, for some reason. I didn't get pregnant by accident...God gave me a baby and He gave my baby ME as a mom. I have a wonderful Father who has provided me and will continue provide me with everything that I need, just in time.

Christian Bumper Stickers Make People Want to Punch You

Hey Christians,

I want to have a short word with you...

Your bumper stickers suck. Don't take this personally, because I know those are the only bumper stickers they make for Christians. But I can tell you that, even as a Christian, these not-as-pithy-as-we-think statements usually make people want to punch us in the face, not come to Jesus or ask about our next church function. If you have a story of when someone actually asked you about "your boss, the Jewish carpenter", or admitted to you that upon looking at your bumper they realized that they had "no Jesus, no peace", then come and talk to me and I will apologize to you personally. However, I don't think that's going to happen.

A popular bumper sticker saying that irks me the most of all is "Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven." I can't really say why this of all the others bothers me so.
Possibly because it just sounds arrogant and rude, coming from no context of relationship.
Possibly because it sounds like we're answering an accusation before it has actually been voiced to us personally, and therefore sort of desperate and try-hard.
Most likely because I feel like it is supposed to somehow give us a lame excuse to swerve in and out of traffic, cut people off, and generally be obnoxious on the road, and when people get mad, you just point to the bumper sticker. "Sorry buddy, I'm still being sanctified. Jesus isn't finished with me yet!"
The worst part is when people quote it to you in real life. It's like, "Hey, why are you such a jerk?" "Well, Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven." End of story. No discussion allowed. Didn't you hear my pithy statement?

Sometimes I wish we would think a little harder about how we sound to people when we say these things; these canned, trained responses come from residing in the Christian bubble too long, not from gaining wisdom or any true soul-searching. Maybe the next time someone asks me why I'm such a jerk sometimes, I'll answer, "Because I'm a wretched sinner who is often judgmental and sometimes thinks I'm better than everyone else." (I hope I would quickly follow it up with "which I know is not true, I just act like it sometimes...", but at least it would be a true and thoughtful response!)

Or perhaps I should look to Scripture and try this one on for size, "Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own." (Phil 3:12) Sort of like, "I know I suck, but I'm trying."

How about, "I'm sorry. I AM a jerk. Will you forgive me?" I think that instead of wanting to punch us in the face, people would respond well to that sort of statement.

I don't know. What do you think, Jesus fish? =)

Question Mark

I read this quote this morning: "The gospel is not a truth among other truths. Rather, it sets a question mark against all truth." It's a quote from Karl Barth, who turned liberal theology in Germany on it's head around the time leading up to WWI. Questioning accepted truth has been the mark of great revolutionaries throughout time, and this includes Christian reformers.

But does anyone notice how uncomfortable life is with all these question marks everywhere? We as people grow comfortable with the status quo and don't like it when people begin asking pesky questions that ruin our comfortable worldview if we actually think about the answers or the implications of the answers.

I know this first hand! The life of a church planter seems to be one giant question mark. Where are we going? How will we live when we get there? Will people be receptive to the radical message of the Gospel? Will we ever be able to afford to have kids, buy a house, or go out to eat ever again?! Is there a right and a wrong way to do church? If so, how can we do it right for our context? What does loving the city truly look like? Is it as messy as it seems? (hint: YES!) Do I truly love my neighbor enough to live this kind of question mark life in order to serve him? That might be the most disturbing question of all!

I can't answer most of these questions. There they remain with their question marks behind them, a constant reminder that I am not in control over anything of importance in this life. The only thing that remains without a question mark is the Gospel and more importantly the God who orchestrated it. It is beside this truth that I must weigh all questions I have and trust the God who knows and loves me. He is the God over the all the question marks, commas, exclamation points and full stops of life, and I trust Him.

Period. :)

Oh boy!

Yesterday we had our 18 week ultrasound and saw for sure and certain that our little kicky baby is a boy! I prayed that baby would be less than modest for us, and indeed the very first thing we saw on the screen we all sort of stopped and stared at... The sonographer said, "See that? Girls don't have that!" I started crying and was in disbelief, as I had convinced myself I was having a girl, although I have always wanted boys. My husband looked pretty emotional too. When we got home, he announced, "Okay. I think I'm officially excited!"

But the past few days and weeks have not been all joyous. Along with the growing love for our baby, we are experiencing a deeper and deeper love for our church family, as well. But as soon as people hit the earth outside the womb, love gets a lot messier, and at times much more painful. I've heard people say, "Ministry is difficult and you must count the cost." I had no idea what that really meant until I actually began investing my whole life into ministry.

We have moved across oceans and continents at the call of God, given up jobs we love, friendships we cherished, comfy houses and routines. Like many of my other brothers and sisters in Christ, we have put our hand to the plow and not looked back. (Luke 9:62) We have left mother and father and sisters and brothers for the sake of the gospel, and in doing so gained a whole new family in Christ.

But as always with family, or sinful humans rather, there is pain. There is heartbreak and rejection and misunderstanding and offense. It hurts. It is messy. It is painful to have dedicated your past, present and future to something, and to feel as if people don't care at all.

However, I am re-learning in Gods grace that my past, present and future isn't dedicated to an idea, and it isn't for people to approve or disapprove of for its validity. It is dedicated to the cause of Christ and His Kingdom, and it is done only out of love for Him in hopes of being lovingly approved by Him. My true, sacrificial love for people can only stem from my love from and connectedness to God, or I am laboring in vain.

Like the child kicking around in my belly, I continue to grow and be formed by my Maker, loved unconditionally, and it is eagerly anticipated that I be fully formed and mature by the time this life is over. But I've got lots more living and learning to do before that happens, hopefully. So I submit to sanctification, no matter how it hurts.

And believe me, it does.

We're on a mission from God...

(Yes, the title is a Blues Brothers reference. You can laugh.)

I'd like to juxtapose two things in the ol' blog today: a phone conversation I had with a total stranger, and a sermon I heard from the mouth of my beloved husband yesterday.

Scene 1: Random man calls into the school where I work to enquire about classes for his daughter. For some reason it came out that I live very near to this school, which is in the Downtown area of San Jose. He related to me that his wife and he used to live in the city (that's San Francisco for those of you who don't live around here) right on the Haight in a cool, funky apartment. But, all that changed when they had their first child. "Of course we had to move!" he explained. I didn't fully understand why, but he kept going. He said, "Downtown living is so awesome when you are a young couple. But let me give you a piece of totally unsolicited advice [at least he was honest!]. Start looking for a house out in the cozy suburbs of San Jose now so that when your child is old enough to go to school, you are firmly established in a great school district. We are fortunate enough to send our children to private school because my wife makes gazillions, but I realize not everyone can afford that. So the thing to do is situate yourself where the good schools are so your children don't suffer. I had a friend who lived downtown and they sent their child to Horace Mann. It was terrible! She suffered! Get out of there while you still can!"

WOW! Okay, I said juxtapose, not necessarily explain so let's just cut to scene 2, Sunday morning, very cute husband preaching on one of our core values as a church: "Mission".

He explained that our God is a missional God. He has been on a mission since the beginning of time to be the God of His people and when they strayed, to bring them back to Himself. What did God do as part of His redemptive plan to save humanity? He SENT His only son, sacrificing Him out of heaven to die a horrible death on Earth. Jesus lived and moved and breathed among us. He wasn't a monk, staying outside of society. He wasn't a street corner evangelist, preaching Hellfire. He wasn't ONLY about service projects to the poor. His entire life was lived among the very people He would save.

What makes us any different as His followers? In this sermon was the marvelous example of Jeremiah 29, when Israel is in exile in Babylon. False prophets are saying to Israel, "Don't get comfortable in this disgusting city, God will send us home soon." Or we could say in modern context, "I've got my safe little box of ONLY Christian music, Christian school, Christian friends, Christian coffee houses," and on and on...in other words, let's live in a Christian ghetto where we don't engage the culture, but build our own.

In the Bible, Jeremiah is saying, NO. The Lord God says, "Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce.Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease.

But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare (shalom - meaning peace, wholeness, health) you will find your welfare (shalom). Jeremiah 29:5-7 ESV

We, as a couple of missionaries, have been SENT into San Jose to live and work and have kids and send them to school and Scouts and soccer practice. We have been sent to work downtown, live there, walk through St. James Park every day, shop at Mi Pueblo, (slowly) learn to speak Spanish, eat Pho, get our hair cut for $10 by Moon, go to Martin Luther King, Jr. library, give homeless guys something to eat, and whatever else it means to be a downtown San Josean!!

That's the mission. Love the city because God loves the city. Be His hands and feet so people can clearly see His love at work. Increase, and do not decrease. We have been sent to seek the welfare of this city and intercede on its behalf, because in its peace and security, we shall find ours, but more importantly, God's glory will be made manifest.

Inspiration

Inspiration is wonderful when it happens, but the writer must develop an approach for the rest of the time... The wait is simply too long.
- Leonard Bernstein

So, my faithful 12 followers of this blog (and perhaps a few more reading on Facebook), you probably know by now that I am pregnant with the first Baby Tenny of its generation. I'm going to try really, really hard for this not to suddenly become a pregnancy blog, I promise. Although, when a small human takes over your body, I have found that it is a bit difficult to talk about anything else, but I digress...

Inspiration to write is everywhere, but I struggle with the thought of junking up the internet with more meaningless drivel that no one really wants to read. I feel like I should have something really, really good to say before I trouble you all with reading it! (You might agree!) So that is why I tend to have such long dry spells between blog posts. But as the ever-wise Mr. Bernstein says...the wait is too long if I wait for inspiration all the time. I think I should just look around.

I was inspired in the past month to find out the gender of our baby. Now, my whole life I have clung to the thought that I would want to be surprised. Then, a week or two ago I was suddenly seized with the longing to know what was growing inside my body and what, God-willing, I will be holding in my arms in a few short months. It's not because I want to buy a lot of gender-specific crap (I'll leave that to my family and friends! ha ha), but more so because I feel like it would be a great bonding sort of thing to be able to know who I'm talking to, as much as one can know a fetus, that is.

And so, if our baby has the modesty of its mother (I won Exhibitionist of the Year Award two years running in high school...you can ask me how God allowed me to become a pastor's wife later!), it will show us the goods on February 7th during the ultrasound. We'll know if I've got a little boy Tenny or a little girl Tenny. I figure that children are one frickin' giant surprise after another, and this is but a foretaste of all the cool things that I will soon be finding out about my offspring.

I promised I wouldn't talk about pregnancy too much (although this is more about the kid than the pregnancy itself), so I will stop here. It's nice to be back, blog world.

Hopefully I'll see you again soon...

Open Note to God re: Redheads

Dear God,

If I could be assured that every single one of my children would be as cute and redheaded as the little girl I saw across from me at the IHOP today, I would be content to bear girl children until Kingdom come. Otherwise, I think I might like boys, although if you could make them redheaded too, that would be great. Healthy is also good. PS Could you make the boys look like Chris? He's so cute.

Love,
Your redheaded daughter

Wisdom from Mario Andretti

If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough
- Mario Andretti

I saw this quote on my Google homepage this morning and smiled. I was a Mario Andretti fan as a child simply because he was famous and Italian and actually alive today (as opposed to all the other dead famous Italians from the Renaissance, etc...), so I was pretty excited to see a little bit of Italian wisdom glowing on my computer today.

Now, don't get me wrong, I do not really want to apply this quote to driving...I think we all know my track record with that, and I don't need to be out of control behind the wheel!

But where I do need to be more out of control is in my life.

I have discovered more and more that my main idol, the main thing that drags we away from God is my own comfort. In America, comfort is King...think all the prescription drug commercials and the invention of the easy chair. If I could control everything in my life so I was living la dolce vita all the time and always full and always warm and always happy...you'd bet I would! And I certainly try.

But I don't want comfort to be my king... I want Jesus to be my King.

Hand over the controls. Get a little uncomfortable. Get your butt out there and serve other people and love them all the way to heaven. This is what I hear God saying to me these days.

If everything seems under control...maybe I'm not living as I ought. To steal a phrase from Francis Chan, I need to let a little crazy love into my life and let it permeate the way I see the world.

Haven't you heard? To be a Christian is to be a little crazy.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 1 Corinthians 1:18

Solo de Jesus la Sangre

So Chris and I are chillin' at Willow Glen, havin' some church this morning, when Tiffany comes up and says, "So I guess we're having City Church outside today!"

Whaaaaaaat?

Apparently the janitor that is supposed to let us in (bless his heart) slept in or didn't realize that church is something you do every week or something. We were completely locked out of the building for our second Sunday service in the life of City Church.

Cool.

So Tiffany and I dutifully copied some lyric sheets in lieu of powerpoint and a projector, and headed over to see what we could see at 10th and Jackson.

The City Church team really gets how to roll with the punches because our entire church service just done moved itself outside! I'm talking amps, guitars, a keyboard on the bed of a pickup truck, communion out in the full sun, the works!! I was blown away at the faithfulness of my brothers and sisters. Pastor Jason just did his thing right out there in the open, prompting passersby to look at us funny, and neighbors to come out of their houses to see what was all the commotion.

Our God is faithful to us, and therefore we try to be faithful to Him. If that means church outside, then so be it! We don't need walls to be a church, dang it! I had a feeling that if we kept quiet today and admitted defeat, the very stones would have cried out in praise to the Father. Can't let them have all the fun!



God is building His church. This is what HE did.