Font of All Wisdom...

...Blog Things. Ha ha.
But no really...this one was cool.

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more relaxed, calm, and composed. With respect to money, you spend carefully and save your pennies. You think good luck depends on maintaining good relationships with others. The hidden side of your personality tends to be satisfied to care for things with a minimal amount of effort. You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked. When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you base your search on information from your friends.

Who's The True You?

Why I Snarled in Bed Bath and Beyond

Yesterday Chris and I decided we would put the final touches on our wedding wishlist and go register at Bed Bath and Beyond. We had gone to Target last Friday and had a fun time with the scanners, going around and trying to find some fun and slightly ridiculous things to scan so people could have a little fun while shopping for us (if they choose.)
As background, I originally resisted going to Bed Bath and Beyond because I think it is a snooty place and I've never bought anything from anyone's registry there (mostly because it seems like everything is over fifty bucks and I was so poor during college, etc...) However, their return policy is one of the best I've ever heard of, and so we were compelled to try it out, with thoughts of 8 un-returnable toasters dancing in our heads, spurring us on.
So we go in, and the dude is nice and all, encouraging us to register for things we don't need because we can get free gifts just for registering for them. However, the problem was that most of the free gifts we didn't need either, and that was one of the first things that started making me a little bit upset: need vs want syndrome is fine, but this was don't need/don't want vs FREE syndrome.
When we were finally set loose, I was alright to let Chris go a little crazy with the pots and knives, because having a husband who will cook is enough of a reward for me, in this instance.
It was when we got to towels that I started getting agitated. I looked on the self-proclaimed "Helpful Checklist" that Bed Bath and Beyond had provided for us, and saw that they think we should all invest in three sets of towels per person per bathroom. I was already thinking to myself, "What a racket!". But when I saw the little part of the checklist that read "decorative finger towels" and "bath sheets" and "bath mats" closely followed by "bath rug", I started getting really, really angry. Like, oddly angry right in the middle of the towel section. Chris tried to ask me what the heck was wrong with me (in a loving way, of course), and I started snarling at him about people starving in third world countries and I'm being compelled to buy a "f***ing decorative FINGER towel?" I did not really cuss, I think, but I mouthed it, which is really just as bad.
The rest of the time passed rather uneventfully, despite a mild disagreement regarding fine china, but I was left wondering why I am such a crazy person sometimes when it comes to the stupidest things. I've had a few days to think it over, and I've come to a tentative conclusion, which might sound crazier still, but there you go.
One of my spiritual gifts is perceiving, see. When I get into a consumer-driven, high-cost environment like Bed Bath and Beyond, there might not actually be a dude there pressuring us into $400 crockery sets, but the spirit is there. The whole place is saturated with it, and so you'll recall I snarled that I was being "compelled" to buy things, even though there was no salesman there? That's what I mean! I felt it just as surely as if some slick, suited man was there spouting facts and figures at me.
Don't get me wrong, I don't really feel any less crazy, but at least my craziness has a half-baked reason behind it. Stupid consumer-driven culture that I willingly participate in!

Moonstruck

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OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets

Hey, I'm getting much better!

Anyway. The other day I was marveling about a certain aspect of our culture that I wanted to write about, but I just haven't gotten the chance to until now. So here I go.
(end awkward introduction.)

Chris and I watched Moonstruck the other day, after years of having people tell us that we have to see it, and also years of wondering how Cher could be a good enough actress to warrant any kind of award. So Chris got it on his Netflix, and we sat down to watch it.

There were some charming moments mixed into all the ridiculousness, but most of the time we were sitting there confused (and really upset by how early Nick Cage started acting that badly). The final scene kind of tied everything together and saved the film a little bit in our eyes, mostly because it was really funny, but I still had major problems with the entire plot, and here's why.

There is something about our culture and the films of our culture which leave us rooting for people in the movies that we would never root for in real life. Cher is a lonely, aging widow, who thinks that she can find happiness by marrying a man she doesn't love. She becomes engaged to him, which signals a promise in our culture. We understand pretty early on that the man she's engaged to is not the man she'll end up with at the end of the film, which sets up the whole plot from the beginning.

So Cher meets Ronnie, Johnny's brother, played by Nick Cage, and we see the sparks fly and she sleeps with him and he falls in love with her. Immediately, everyone is supposed to be rooting for this relationship to happen, because Cher is actually in LOVE with Ronnie. LOVE trumps promises and propriety. What if a close friend of mine behaved that way? I wouldn't be like, "Aw, its so cute that you're in love with him. Who cares about your fiance, everyone knows that you're in LOVE with his brother, so that makes it all okay in the end." It was especially odd because I was sitting next to my own fiance while watching all of this!

It happens thus in many films, not only ones made fairly recently. If a man or woman cheats on their partner or spouse, but its for LOVE, then it becomes automatically alright. Even we as movie-going Christians can probably admit to wanting the guy to end up with the nice cool girl instead of his demanding and domineering wife. Just leave the mess you've made and give up because you've fallen in love with someone infinitely cooler? It's just not biblical! If real people were acting this way, we'd be up in arms and telling them to go to counseling and save their marriage at all costs! Why is it different in the movies?

I think it is just another subtle way that a secular worldview worms its way back into our hearts and minds. I feel like I need to be much more vigilant about what I watch. Its strange how the Holy Spirit has worked in my life to get me to this point, but there you go. Moonstruck wasn't really worth watching after all, except for ONE redeeming part of the film: Cher's mom, who knows her husband is cheating on her, has the chance to invite a gentleman up to her room one night to have an affair of her own. She, however, does NOT choose to do so. He says, "Oh I'm sure there are people around and we wouldn't want to get caught." She says, "No, I'm not inviting you into my house because I know who I am..."

We as Christians really need to know who we are in Christ, so as not to get moonstruck by who the world expects us to be.

100 Days of Singleness

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That had nothing to do with anything except that I was glad to beat Paul (although Paul, that was my second time. First time I totally blanked and didn't get how the thing worked, but I took the second time directly after, with no cheating.)

Anyway.

Yes, I have a mere 100 days until I get to marry Chris and become Mrs. Tenny. I was mentioning to Chris yesterday that I should probably be savoring these last days of being single, but mostly I'll just be happy to live in the same house as him and have someone to come home to every night. The very best part is that "someone" will be the man that God planned for me to marry, so that's always good.

Meanwhile, we are getting through the beginning phases of wedding planning alright. There has been stresses here and there, and some tears on my part, but things have smoothed out already. I'm not anticipating that finalizing the guest list will be any kind of walk in the park, but I'm prepared for conflict. I'm prepared to not demand my own way, because although the guest list will be an essential element of the wedding day, it will NOT be an essential element to a happy and long-lasting marriage. We must continue to keep all things in the proper perspective. And really, anytime that Chris and I anticipate conflict, it rarely arises. It's so interesting how much more we get along than even we expect of ourselves.

I've got my dress picked out, both venues booked, the wedding website up and running (www.theknot.com/ourwedding/CassandraBertolucci&ChristopherTenny), wedding invitations designed, we've got our preliminary guest lists written and colors picked for the ceremony and reception, Chris has the officiant picked and notified, counseling to begin in the next few weeks, far away guests notified, and I think that's all for now. This weekend we'll finalize the guest list and invitation wording, and we might even get to start thinking about where we want to register for gifts! We haven't even been engaged for two weeks, so I think we're rather right on track.

So that's where we're at. We're more in love than ever, and I'll just comment that I think there's something to be said about change of status going from "Dating" to "Engaged". There's definitely a huge shift in attitude and direction (obviously), and I think that it affects the relationship in so many interesting ways. We are able to (and will have to) talk about things and consider things that wouldn't have been appropriate to discuss or consider before I had a ring on my finger. It's all new and exciting, and I'm just pumped about starting my married life in 100 days and counting!

Why I hate cake and flowers...

Okay, I don't really hate flowers, but I do resent the fact that anyone expects me to drop any amount of money on something so ephemeral for my wedding day. Just get married in a GARDEN! (If anyone knows of a garden that will not steal my unborn children's college fund just to hold my wedding ceremony there, please let me know immediately!)

And cake. WHAT is the DEAL with this tradition? I hate cake! (Not the band...I love Cake with a big C). And most wedding cakes taste even worse than a normal cake, and yet this is another thing that people spend painful amounts of money on. For what? So they can take the same pictures that everyone else takes of you feeding the cake to each other? As if that really happens in the rest of your married life! If Chris tried to feed me cake, I'd be tempted to bite his finger. But he would know enough not to, because he's smart like that.

I'm sorry if I sound like a crazy and enraged human being (Freudian slip=I almost typed "engaged" instead of "enraged"), but that is exactly what I feel like. Is wedding planning supposed to feel like banging your head against a brick wall? Because if it is, then I have nothing to worry about and I'm on the right path.

Sigh. End vent.


For now.

Big Week Got Bigger.

On Saturday, I got popped the question. Which question, you ask?
No, you probably don't ask. There is only one BIG question.
Chris met me at the door of his house after I had spent a long day in adoption classes. He was wearing his "I'm A Catch!" t-shirt, which made me laugh, plus a big ol' grin.
He gave me a kiss and I came in and asked him how his day went as I put my purse down. He told me something about Frisbee Golf with our church friends. As I turned to face him, he was standing really close and broke out with, "I need to ask you something!" I barely got time to stammer out, "Okay" when he was down on one knee and asked the aforementioned question.
And so, in the grand tradition, I said, "Awww Honey, of COURSE I'll marry you!" He didn't pop open the ring box at that moment, but rather handed it to me in a gift box. So after a bit of anticipation of opening two boxes...this is what I get to wear.

It's perfect. He was so glad that I liked it, and relieved. But I said, "What's not to like?" I was more looking at him when I said it, though. =)
We're most likely going to be joined in holy matrimony on August 10th of this year. So now, in addition to looking for a new car as my insurance stops paying for my rental, I am now the proud owner of a big ball of stress called "wedding planning". Then again, I am also the proud...um...owner (whatever) of a fiance! So it all evens out in the end.
The amount of people that I know and love and even the amount of perfect strangers that have told us that we look and act like we completely belong together, well, that's encouraging. Knowing that God had His mighty hand in all of this, that's what makes me so confident in this impending marriage. We are going to be such a great team, because besides getting along wonderfully and being totally in love, we've got God on our side to remind us of what true love looks like.

A Big Week

This week started out normally, but it has gotten increasingly interesting as the days have passed.
Tuesday I was in a car crash that was my fault. I went through a green light that was very closely followed by a red light and just didn't see the latter. So, I daydreamed through a red light and slammed into some poor woman just trying to turn left to get to her second job. I totaled my Corolla and her Ranger. Lame.
The next couple of days I just spent in a funk, with my neck stiff and my outlook not-so-great. Wednesday it snowed a ridiculous amount, and we went out for a prayer walk...in the snow...in the dark. At least it gave me some perspective, and it ended in a hot tea and time with friends. (It also made me fall more madly in love with Chris, who despite all the odds and the whining, still insisted that it was our "Mission Week" and that we should Walk and Pray! What a man.)
Yesterday I found out that I'd need to return my rental car by Monday because the insurance company had cut me a check. The check is barely enough to cover a good used car, but I can finance and pay $50/month for the next two years to get something that I want that is slightly more expensive.
Today I had adoption training from 5pm to 9pm, and tomorrow it will be from 8am to 4pm. I didn't really know what to expect, but I thoroughly enjoyed the format, learned a lot and never got bored. It was amazing. Tomorrow we get a Continental Breakfast, too...I suppose as a consolation prize for getting out of bed at a rather ungodly hour on a Saturday.
So, things are looking up. I feel better about life, I'm more in love than ever (with both God and Chris), and I am convinced that there is no victory too small for Christ to see and give to us if we ask in faith and good motive.
Our God is the God of the universe, but he is also the God of my used car purchase! Yay for Him.

Lord, I was born a ramblin' (wo)man...

Every year I have a day when I decide that, for me, it is officially spring.
Last year I donned a very festive green skirt, even though there were still patches of snow on the ground, and decided, "Too bad for the snow, cause its spring!"
This year, its today! I have a day off, the sun is shining, I went for a tiny Savers shopping spree ($11 and some-odd cents) and I really enjoyed driving with the windows down. If you know me, you know this is one of my most favorite things to do. Unfortunately, gas prices being what they are, the concept of going for drive might soon to become obsolete! Anyway, I was almost home from the shopping trip when the Allman Brothers came on the radio, singing "Ramblin' Man", which just so happens to be one of my all-time favorite driving/road trip tunes!
In honor of the "Cassie-decided" first day of spring, I drove right past my house and made a large loop just so I could feel the wind in my hair, the sun on my skin, and sing, "They're always havin' a good time down on the bayou, Lord...them delta women think the world of me!"
So, I just wanted to let you know...its official. Spring has sprung! =)

Protest.

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
- Dave Barry

Ha ha, I just thought that quote was funny on iGoogle this morning, although it really has nothing to do with my thoughts today except for that word "Protestant".
I have been watching The Tudors on my Netflix for a few weeks now. Even though I feel like I know the story of King Henry VIII quite well, it has been very interesting to see how they choose to dramatize certain things and which parts of the story they choose and all that. It is also cool because they must have money enough to hire good actors, because people like Sam Neill, Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Jeremy Northam all play part in the royal court, giving it a little more star power than your average TV program.
Jeremy Northam, in fact, plays Sir Thomas More, a great name in church history, and a man of very sensitive scruples trying to survive in the royal court and keep his integrity as a man of God. He sees that his beloved Catholic Church is crumbling in England before his very eyes and uses his newfound power as Chancellor of the Realm to try and quash Reformers he sees as heretics. He gets to the point where he is so frantic against Martin Luther, Reformers, and the fact that the King of England is considering major reform of his own, that Sir Thomas More begins to burn the heretics. He doesn't go crazy or anything, but in the season finale, when the King asks him how many he's burnt, More replies, "Six. But all according to law. And all well done."
Stick with me here, I'm trying for more than a synopsis...I do have a point! One of the heretics that More decided to burn was a man called Mister Fish. He had written a pamphlet stating that (horror!) the Holy Scriptures should be available to every person in their own native tongue, and that Christ had appointed us all to a royal priesthood, and therefore we had no need of priests on the Earth. This is basic Protestant stuff. But Mister Fish was BURNED at the stake for writing such a thing. BURNED!! He went to his death with Catholic priests uttering Latin prayers towards him, and when asked to recant of his heresy, he instead starts boldly praying The Shepherd's Psalm IN ENGLISH as he is engulfed in flames.
I thought about that today as I read my Bible in Greek, but then was able to read it again out loud in English, which of course I can readily understand. I often think about people in China who have died for possession of one page of the Holy Bible...one page which lead them to Christ and eternal life and which they probably treasured above all other things. Someone translated it into their Chinese dialect, and that is not heresy anymore. I don't often think about the people who were burned at the stake and thrown out of the Holy Catholic Church for paving the way for things like that.
Doesn't it make you want to kinda hug your Bible a little bit? Is that sacrilegious? I don't really know. It makes me appreciate all the more the Reformers who stood up in a dangerous time to things that were revealed to them to be wrong. They gave us the Bible in our own language, and the belief that we are a holy priesthood and that we are all saints. They even gave us the right to wear hideous clothes and play golf and have Dave Barry make jokes about us...because without the blood of the martyrs, what sort of Church would we be?

The Ultimate TEST! (dun dun dunnnn)

Well, here we are. Lent is over; Easter was a joyous day spent reflecting the wonder of our risen savior among many friends. And this past weekend was spent in what is meant to be one of the ultimate relationship tests: traveling with the beau.
Chris and I embarked on a plane pretty early in the morning this past Friday en route to San Jose, California for my cousin Brittany's wedding. Even early in the morning, Chris and I had no disputes or tiffs or anything of the sort. We flew together fine, we waited together fine. We woke up in the same house and kissed each other good morning just fine. And even when our flight back to reality required us to wake at 4am, we got along perfectly well. And even when the only tension of the trip, a ticking clock and a very, very flat tire, presented itself...we handled it as a team. Perhaps my part of the team was the shivering-cold,-don't-do-anything-to-get-in-his-way part, but I did give input on "righty-tighty, lefty-loosey", as well as help reattach some bolts.
All in all, someone mentioned near to the END of the trip that it was supposed to be a really difficult thing, or a really telling thing, to travel with the one you love (but the one you aren't legally required to stay with yet). If that's true, then either Chris and I are still firmly in the lovey-dovey phase (well, yeah) or we just get along really well (also yeah). Either way, it was a lovely weekend with family and a beautiful ceremony and reception, and I'm very grateful that I got to be there!

Shut up and sleep.

I have learned that in our busy world, sometimes rest can actually be a discipline. I woke up this morning at 6:30am, after having a rough night of sleep, and only getting to bed at midnight anyway. I was in pain, and I knew I would have to get up to take something, so I thought, 'What the hay, the I might as well get up and pray since I probably couldn't get back to sleep if I tried.'
I ate some yogurt so I could take an Aleve, made myself a cup of tea, then sat down to read my devotions like I always do these days. I got through the reading, barely. I had to read most sentences twice because I couldn't focus for the life of me. I literally kept nodding off, and no amount of slapping myself or drinking my tea was helping to keep me awake. I thought, 'I can't nod off while I'm praying, that just defeats the whole point of getting up early to pray!' This has not been a problem the whole time I've been trying to get up early to pray for Lent.
So, after fifteen minutes of staring like a zombie, open-mouthed and half-lidded, I decided it would be better if I just went back to bed for an extra hour of sleep. I would get up at the normal time, alert and ready to pray.
Or not.
I didn't get up until 9:30am this morning, and I'm not going to lie to you, it felt GOOD! I don't feel guilty or anything like that, I just feel rested and jolly and ready to face the day.
And, at 58 degrees in February, what a day it will be!

Wake Up and Smell the Nation.

So, in case you're slightly behind in my life, the season of Lent started on Wednesday (Ash Wednesday) and instead of "giving something up", as many people are wont to do, I have decided to rise an hour earlier every morning in a practice of discipline. In that extra hour of time in the morning, I also practice other disciplines, including (but not all together!) prayer, meditation, Bible-reading, exercise, silence, and others.
Okay, you're caught up.
So today being a glorious and unseasonably warm day, I decided that I would get straight up out of bed, slap my shoes on, grab scarf, jacket and sunglasses and head out the door to walk the mile around the lake right next to our house. I had a song stuck in my head, one that I had first heard in Australia. Some of the snippets are,

You said, Ask and you will receive whatever you need...
You said, Ask and I'll give the nations to you.
Oh Lord, it is the cry of my heart."

The cold woke me up pretty quickly, but it still took me about 3/4 of a mile to figure out for what reason this song could be running through my head this morning. I finally thought, Hey perhaps I'm supposed to pray for our nation. *silence* Where the heck do I start?!
When I got home, I sat down to read my devotions and my Bible. Today's passage came from 1 Timothy 2:1,2. I read it in the Greek first, understood about 1/8 of the words (this is a humbling daily discipline), then read it in English. The devotion was about how important it is to pray for our leaders, no matter whether we agree with them or not. If a nation is united in its prayer, not for the success of their personal agendas, but for THE GOOD OF THE NATION, I believe we'd get a lot more accomplished.
If I pray for George W., it does NOT mean that I agree with everything he does, or that I think that he's listening to the voice of God just because I'm praying for him! (Yikes!) It means that I care about our nation and our people, and I don't want to see it come to ruin. I think its good that we've been taken down a peg or two, but I certainly don't want to be invaded, or have our economy crash or anything! These are things I can be praying for.
This is so pertinent, I think, in the face of recent Super Tuesday events. People are so excited about ousting the current president, that its easy to forget that he's still in the White House, plugging away until next year! Our leaders need our prayer! Not only our fathers, pastors, congressmen, and senators, but our President and all the people bidding for his seat for the next four years. Our whole land lies in the balance. God will not bless sin, but that doesn't mean He won't let us realize the consequences of our actions as a nation. However, I do believe He will uphold a nation of praying believers!
My personal challenge for today will be to pray for our nation, and in the words of Paul in his first letter to Timothy, "...for kings, and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness."

Into the Great Wide Open

(Thank you, Tom Petty)
It's so amazing. Life is very unpredictable, and as much as you think you might know where you are going and what you will be doing ten years from now, you can never truly be sure. I, for one, relish this. Not knowing where you're going is so exciting, and it really makes you rely on God all the more.
Take me, for instance. I have no idea where I'll be in the next six months, let alone ten years. Six months from now, my life could radically change forever or it could look generally the same. What do I know? I could be married, single, at home, abroad, happy, freaked out, contented, uneasy...all of the above...
That's life! It's great! I wouldn't go to a psychic/soothsayer/tarot reader/general future-knower if you paid me, because I don't want to know what's ahead for me. God doesn't want me to know, either, because He knows I probably would start planning and getting too worked up about things and forget completely about the "now", the things that are right in front of me, the work I've got to do to get where I'm going. He's pretty smart like that.
I want to pray through every step I take.
Throughout Lent, I hope to be doing just that with my extra waking hour in the morning. It will be so great to see how this works itself out in practice. I'll keep you updated. This is going to be great!
PS. Our trip to the mountains this past weekend was great. If you don't believe in God, I suggest you move to the Rocky Mountains and then shut your trap. You've got nothin'.

We Are Family...

I had quite the talk with my youngest sister tonight over the phone, which is probably the longest we've gotten to talk since last May when we traveled the Mediterranean together. We spoke about things that are exciting (we're both in love with men seven years older than us), things which frighten and distress us (family issues...long story), and things that make us happy and make us laugh (each other).
I find it so interesting that though the adults in our lives, the people who were are parents, have made such ridiculously bad decisions that have torn us apart, though life has taken us and scattered us all over the world, though we grow older and mature in ways that are separate, we remain sisters through it all. This goes for my older sisters and my little brother, too (who remains my brother, not my sister!). There is a love that is inexplicable as it is delightful, that binds us as nothing else in the world does. It is truly a gift from God that five people with messed up family trees could grow up and still want to have contact with one another, still be involved in the lives of the others in a positive way.
I value my relationships with my siblings so much. I thank God that He saw fit to bless me with these four very different and amazing people. We are family, in the truest sense of the word.

Lengthening of Days

It has been quite awhile since I've written here, and I plan on being much more deliberate from now on.
This has been prompted partly by the advent of the season of Lent. Though I attend a Baptist-affiliated church, and was raised in non-liturgical churches in my youth, I think I have explained in previous years why I choose to celebrate certain seasons of the liturgical calendar. The simple explanation is that I had a Catholic grandmother who was excellent at explaining the importance she found in liturgical observances, and I clung to them because I saw how they benefited her in her walk with Christ. Also, I'll admit it, I like structure! =)
At any rate, my wonderful pastor/boyfriend gave a stirring message at church last night about fasting and the different ways it can be done and the good and bad reasons to fast. He, too, was prompted by the oncoming Lenten season to begin thinking of things he could do to observe the 40 days leading up to Easter. We were all encouraged as a congregation to think about things that have become compulsions for us, things which tear us away from our focus on God, addictions, things we like a little too much, etc... and to consider them all prayerfully as things we could fast from.
I have thought and prayed, and I have decided that I am going to get up one hour earlier every day of Lent in order to take more time with God in the morning. This could mean reading my Bible, praying, reading a devotion, meditation, worship or any number of other disciplines that I need to be better at (which is every discipline, really). In addition to this, I am going to limit my internet usage to one hour a day. Really, I don't need it for my job and anything else is just a waste of time. I do not need more than an hour to check my e-mail and write a blog, for heaven's sake!
So, I guess I could glut myself on sleep and internet until next Wednesday, but maybe I should begin preparing for the fast now.
Signing off!

Child-like?

I have been in many a stressful situation lately. My life seems to be moving rather fast, and I feel like I don't have time to sit and reflect on anything. I feel like I am only able to react to whatever comes at me, and then move on. I'm not used to this!
I've taken lately, however, to praying a lot more about everything and anything. If I am not able to handle it, I certainly know that God is! So I hand directly over to him anything that begins to stress me out. I pray out loud, I cry; I do whatever it takes to make my needs known, even though He already knows exactly what they are.
Then I read something in Oswald Chambers' "My Utmost For His Highest" about being child-like before God. I always thought that meant sweet and innocent. But I think I am learning more the real meaning of child-likeness as I go through life, and especially as I work with children every day.
The thing about children is this: they are not necessarily so sweet and innocent. But they have something going for them that many adults don't: they trust their parents without reserve. They make their needs known by crying out to their Mom or Dad, knowing that their needs will be met. Would that we could always be like that with God! I have found that this works. Audacious, child-like prayers are what God wants to hear. We realize that we are indeed still the child, so we don't demand without respect, but rather we ask in total trust that we will be taken care of. It's so easy, only a child would have thought of it!

Contentment in all things.

It's HARD!
Life throws you curves and stresses and large piles of poo in this fallen world, and yet we are called to be content. Paul tells in Philippians that he has learned to be content in all situations and circumstances. He said, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." It's probably one of verses of the Bible that's taken out of context the most.
It doesn't mean that I can jump off a cliff and fly or disappear or have x-ray vision because Christ gives me strength. Rather, in context, it means that because we have the strength of Christ, we are able and equipped to deal with whatever life throws us.
I'm trying my best to rely on Christ today. My day has sucked, sucked, sucked so far. Stresses are piling up. I know Jesus will help me through it all. I trust that He is both sovereign and good. But that doesn't make it any easier to be content in the midst of madness that is not necessarily of my making!
However, it was pointed out to me by someone quite wise that Paul tells us that he has LEARNED to be content in all things. It is something that must be practiced and prayed over, not something that is easily attained. Paul was a SAINT, after all. But then again, so am I (small "s")... So here I go...

The Mystery Of Believing

I read My Utmost For His Highest every morning before work. Oswald Chambers is, to me, a genius at wording things in exactly the way I understand. Not only that, but many times, it is also exactly the thing I need to hear.
So this morning I read "The Mystery of Believing" from the aforementioned book, and it said this, "Many a soul begins to come to God when he flings off being religious, because there is only one Master of the human heart, and that is not religion, but Jesus Christ."

Now, I don't know if you know this about me, but I really despise being called "religious". I understand that for many non-spiritual people, that's the only word that they have in their vocabulary to describe someone like me, someone they see as a Christian, or as following a bunch of rules for no reason (depends on your viewpoint). But, like Chambers, I believe that religion is NOT the answer. Not only that, but I believe that religion slowly kills spirituality. Once I start clinging to the guidelines of my faith, but forget the reason that I am following them, I begin to become legalistic, Pharisaic, and in short, religious!

Jesus. Jesus is who I follow. Not the Pope, not any synod or governing church body (although of course I believe one should respect God-given authority to a certain extent), but only Jesus. He is the Master of my heart, as strange as that may sound. The reason I associate with being a "Christian" is because the word itself means "Christ-like", which is what I strive to be. Also, I associate myself with other Christians because as a whole we are the body of Christ, attempting to bring His love and hope to the people of this world. As a Christian, I am not "right" or "left" or "fundamental" or "liberal". I am simply a Christian. Just Jesus. That is all!

His eye is on the sparrow...

I am having one of those mornings where I wake up and already I feel overwhelmed by the day. I'm sad, but still hopeful. I'm thankful, but still a little upset with my life in general. Just...overwhelmed. I get to the point when I start to ask God the silly question..."Why?!" "Why this, why that, why me? Wah wah wah."
So I tried to stop myself. I read the last two chapters of Job.
Now, a lot of people know the story of Job from the Bible, and a lot of people get angry with God or Christianity or just angry in general when they read it. I think it is so misunderstood. Yeah, Job had to suffer a lot of crap and God let it happen. I think we can all relate to that. I feel stupid about my petty worries when I read what Job's trials were. But the last chapters of the book pretty much go like this.

Job: Why God? Why me? Why all this crap?
God: Um, excuse me... Look, I love you, but you are not God. Did you put the stars in the sky and teach the angels how to sing? Did you create any of the amazing stuff in this world? Can you add one minute to your life on your own power?
Job: Uhh, no. Sorry God.
God: That's what I thought. Here's everything you lost back, but double. Be blessed for the rest of your life because of your faithfulness. I love you.

(Yeah, that was a real paraphrase, I know!)
Anyway, what does this have to do with anything? Well, whenever I get to the point when I want to ask God "Why?" I try to re-direct my thinking.
My new questions go something like this:
What awesome things does God want me to learn out of this?
What change does He want to make in me for the better?
How will living through this time help me to love others better?
AND EVEN (because I'm human, after all) What blessings does He want to bestow on me because of this?

I'm not perfect. I feel within myself the capacity for great evil, for even greater sin. But every day I am trying...trying to redirect my thoughts and reign them in for good and not ill. God help me from myself...

When the truth is found to be lies...

I feel like my spiritual life has been in direct opposition to my physical life for a few weeks now. While my life as I see it and know it is pretty much in shambles, my spiritual life is exciting and life-changing in so many ways. This is just another example of God working in my weakness, of God swooping in just when I feel like I can't take it anymore.
I've been learning, therefore, a lot about truth and lies.
Things I've taken for granted as true...these things have lately been shattered, revealed as false. One example of this, which may seem kind of silly, is that pretty much all my life I have thought of myself as just OK-looking. I don't know where that came from, or who enforced it, but I have believed it forever. Only lately have a whole bunch of people been saying to me, both in word and in deed, "Oh, you didn't know? You're totally gorgeous!"
No. I didn't know! I have believed many lies concerning this...my legs aren't long enough, my hair is too curly, my skin isn't perfect so that must mean I'm ugly. Apparently not. (I am still trying to grasp this...)
I also believe lies about who I am as a person. Sometime long ago, someone told me I wasn't good enough, that I wasn't worth anything. While my outer demeanor may bely it, I realize through a series of revelations that I actually, in my heart of hearts, believe this! It's been holding me back from trying new things, from succeeding in my talents, from living the kind of life I am supposed to be living. I almost don't even blame the liar, but more the lie itself and myself for believing it.
Amazingly, God has been bringing these lies to light and showing me how I might silence the voices that tell them. He, as ever, has been pointing me towards the truth. The truth is God, and figuring out how God views me as a person has been an eye-opening experience. I have love. I have acceptance. I have more freedom than ever before.
Before we are Christians, we love ourselves for our own sake. When we come to Christ, we love God for our own sake...because he saved us, because he has done things for us. As we mature in our walk, we begin to love God for God's sake, simply because He is. But I have been told that the height of Christian maturity is actually to begin to love ourselves for God's sake. God made us in His image. Only once we free ourselves from self-loathing and all the lies that encumber us, can we then love others in a way that is free from hindrance.
I don't know that many people actually reach this level of maturity. There is so much of our own insecurity wrapped up in the way we love other people. But I'm working on what this new way would look like. I want to live freely and love the same way. And I realize that in fact, that's what Christ had in mind for us all along.
Amazing.