Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?

I went to a James Taylor and Carole King concert this past week and it was excellent. I cried during "Carolina In My Mind" and teared up in "Sweet Baby James". But one song that I've heard a hundred times before really hit me in a different way, and that was "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?"

Carole King wrote the song and a 60s girl group (Shirelles) made it famous. However, I was just hit by the simple question that the song poses. It is very poignant, and who among us hasn't felt this sentiment? I haven't felt it in the same scenario that the song portrays, thank God, but I occasionally get this feeling in other situations and when I'm feeling a little bit insecure.

"I'd like to know that your love/ Is love I can be sure of"

It started me thinking about all the people in life that I feel I can be sure of. I can be sure not only of their love but of their support in so many ways. What a huge blessing! My family, my husband, and my God.

Recently, I have been hearing about a lot of health problems in my family, however. My grandma has a tumor on her spine, rendering her numb from ankles to waist. My grandpa is also having back problems, has developed arthritis, and his high cholesterol has put him at a 25% higher risk of having a heart attack in the coming years. My mom is having continuing health issues that are scary, too. All of this forces me to realize that while my family is a lasting treasure, they won't all be around forever. I could lose them in an instant or over a long period of time, but death is stealing each of us away with every moment we breathe! (Morbid, I know.)And my husband is a wonderful, beautiful man who loves me very much, but what if something should happen to him!? It's all very tenuous, is life.

"But will my heart be broken/ When the night meets the morning sun?"

These are morbid thoughts, and maybe just a bit too heavy for your average daily blog or your average Carole King song. But I couldn't help but think it. Should every comfort I have pass away in some form or another, what will remain? Who will I be? What will I have to believe in?

WILL YOU STILL LOVE ME TOMORROW?

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Amen and amen.

Commencing Countdown, Engines On...

Here is the May Update for City Church, which was my responsibility to write this month. For those of you who already receive the City Church Newsletter...well, you get a sneak peek! Lucky you.

"As I write this, I have just stared for a full minute at an e-mail sent to me that says, “Service Launch in 33 days”. Thirty-three days until June 6th, when everything changes for our fledgling church yet again.

For those of you unfamiliar with the what, when, and how of church planting (and I might only half-jokingly include myself in that category!), a service launch is fancy church-planter language for beginning our first Sunday worship gathering. This is a very big deal in the life of a church - its public birth, you might say. This is when we go around putting door-hangers in our target neighborhoods, start talking up City Church with a vengeance all around town, and praying like our lives depended on it. Because it does, really!

A “launch” is as important as it sounds because it establishes so much of our church’s DNA: where we’ll meet, how we’ll meet, how long will the service be, what kind of songs will we sing, will we be bi-lingual, will we offer childcare, will we feed people who come to us, what will we preach?

Of course, most of those things we are able to shift and change as we learn and grow as a church that offers a Sunday service. But that last one must not ever change. The answer to the question, “What will we preach?” is the most important question of all. Will we preach Jesus Christ and Him crucified, or will we go about spouting buzzwords like “hope” and “change”? Will we boldly declare the Gospel, as we should? Or will we be so intimidated that we decide on something safe, like preaching tolerance for everything and everyone until we don’t know what we believe in anymore?

Of course, my prayer and yours for City Church should be that we are bold in the face of the Enemy. Since we crash-landed here eleven months ago, we have not ceased to claim the city of San Jose for Christ, knowing that not even the gates of hell can stand against the Kingdom that God is building; His Church, His Bride.

As the countdown continues, we beg you to be in prayer with us for the souls of this city. In the end, all those other questions are just noise. Be in prayer especially for Pastor Jason, who will be preaching on that Sunday. I leave you with a verse that I’ve heard him repeat over and over, and gives me faith in where our church is going:

“1Cr 9:16 Yet when I preach the gospel, I cannot boast, for I am compelled to preach. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!”

Holding Pattern

You are probably thinking to yourself (four followers of this blog): Cassie is still alive? She is bothering to write on this silly, forgotten thing??

So obviously the answer to both of those questions is YES! I am alive, and in fact, freshly another year older (26 to be exact). Are birthday resolutions a real thing? If so, this sad and lonely blog is one of them.

The main reason I have not been writing a blog is that I have been feeling lately that I have no story to tell. Why litter the internet with more meaninglessness and frivolity? I don't have a baby, I'm not planning a wedding, and I don't have a clever idea about cooking with Julia Child. Nothing is happening, so I can't really write about nothing.

You may be thinking, "But you've moved out to San Jose to plant a church...that's got to be exciting! Why don't you write about that?" And you would be right. It is exciting. But so many exciting things about church planting are very intangible or else really not exciting-sounding when you write them down.

"I talked to someone today." "I invited so and so for coffee." "I talked about Jesus and someone didn't run away and not want to be my friend." "A child whom I had never met ran up and gave me a great big hug on the playground today."

There are two phrases that I feel I may have been overusing in the past ten months, and I will share them with you here: "up in the air" and "holding pattern". Since a nice indie-type movie came out recently with the first phrase as a title, I decided to settle on the second for the title to my great comeback blog. =)

Planting a church is a holding pattern in many ways...how long until we kickoff? How long until we start a Gospel Group? How long until someone accepts Jesus as their Savior? How long until we launch a Sunday service?

But it has not been just that in our lives since we got here. There's been: "When will Chris get a job?" "When will my depression lift?" "When will I start enjoying Gymboree again?" "How long will Chris be interim pastor at Willow Glen?" "How long will it then take for him to find another job?" "When will we get our own place and be able to support ourselves somewhat?"

It may sound like whining or impatience when put all together like that, but these have been the questions I've asked of God many times while being here. Thankfully, He has brought us miraculously through many of these questions and into a wonderful new phase of our lives. But there are still many questions. Both my job and Chris' job are up in the air right now. Willow Glen Baptist sounds like they are on the verge of choosing their new pastor and then what for us? My part-time turned full-time job is about to go part-time again...but we only kinda know the whens and hows. Did we make the right decision to move downtown when everything is so unstable?

However, I have realized that our God is sovereign over all things. When I say I believe that, I have to actually believe that ALL means ALL: God over my questions, God over the answers, God over this city, God over our Church, God over our apartment, God over our marriage, God over our families and our futures.

He's got it. But He's not always going to send me a memo in advance about it.

So I wait...

And while you wait with me, you can enjoy some pics of our "new" (hundred year old) apartment:

Jesus + Nothing

Here is a copy of the main letter I wrote in our City Church newsletter this month:


Jesus Plus Nothing – by Cassandra Tenny

The whole leadership team was shocked to realize that it was time to get our newsletter out again. Already? I think it is safe to say that time has been flying for us here on the mission field. Summer months are gone and we are already into September, our third official month here in San Jose.
September is going to be very big in the foundation of City Church San Jose. We are starting Gospel Groups on Thursday, September 3rd, which in essence is the kickoff of us as a real church body. We held an informational meeting in late August to ask a few more people to join us as a core group, and so far we are up to six people from four. A pretty good step in the right direction, I think!
We covet your prayers as we take the next step and invite our friends who don’t yet know Jesus to come and study the Bible with us, help serve others in our community, and generally “do life” together. Be praying that our new friends and acquaintances will come to love the community that they see exemplified, but more importantly, that they would come to know the Savior who inspires it all. In fact, we have titled our first study series “Jesus + Nothing” to remind ourselves and everyone else where our hopes and futures lie.
Every time that we meet as a leadership team, we remind ourselves that it is not about us being cool or flashy or having all the answers. It is not about our wonderful methods or the fact that we like to drink coffee and have BBQs and hang out. The reason why we all gave up our ordinary lives to become church planters and to really love this city?
Jesus, and only Jesus.
Jesus plus nothing.

The California Blues

So the past few weeks have been very intense and wonderful/horrible for me. Some of you may have read my husband's moving account of what he's been thinking and feeling recently of our newly acquired California identity. My account mirror's his somewhat.

If you've spoken to me at all recently, you may have noticed that I'm not necessarily my chipper, optimistic self. I was hit pretty hard with what the professionals call "situational depression" and "anxiety", but what I shall call "The California Blues". I don't need to be monitored or drugged or anything, but it was a major event that I'm not entirely sure is over. Even looking around me at the beautiful California sunshine, I was anxious, depressed, slightly panicky and an all-around mess. My health has been suffering, not to say anything of my demeanor!

I think part of this is that I was up until very recently working six days a week. This gave me little to no time to process our big move out here from Denver. Finding my way at my new job was very strenuous. You'd think that Gymboree in San Jose would be just like working at Gymboree in Denver, but it is not. So many things are different and that is very stressful for me. I'm coming out of it now. I asked for an extra day off and when it was granted, I felt like I had a whole new lease on life! TWO whole days off!!

I've been clinging to God and my husband and new friends in this time. Thanks be to God for the love and support of my family, as well. The Harmons are a huge, huge blessing. My mommy sent me some herbal supplements that are supposed to help with mood, so I'm looking forward to seeing a little improvement in my entire outlook.

The great news is that the church plant is blossoming and our plans seem to be thriving as we continue to seek God. As Chris mentioned in his blog, no book you read on the subject seems to tell you about the "honeymoon phase" of church-planting coming to an end. (Probably because what we're doing is more like becoming missionaries than the church-planting norm.) However, we continue to carry on. Prayer meetings are already under way, we are building relationships with area churches and their pastors, and hopefully beginning to really get a feel for where the city is at the moment and how we can best serve the people of San Jose.

As a side note, in case you are interested, here are four albums that I really leaned on to help me feel less panicky and depressed:

1. Ben Lee - Awake is the New Sleep
2. Regina Spektor - Far
3. Richard Buckner - Bloomed
4. Ray LaMontagne - Til the Sun Turns Black

(It's not surprising for a musical person to lean on music in a time of crisis, is it?)

The Way to San Jose

So, now I can say I know the way to San Jose (har har)...from Denver, at least. You just take highway 80 west and keep going...and going...and going. Then turn south at Sacramento, but be sure to eat In n Out first. Soon, you'll be in San Jose just like us!

Beyond the driving to get here (with a "check engine light" scare averted), God has been taking care of us mightily now that we are safely in the arms of our family. The Harmons are a most lovely and welcoming family. Being the ones to give us quality housing at the price of "free", they have immediately become our largest financial supporters. We are completely indebted to them...and they feed us, too! We also have fun because they love to play games like Farkle and Taboo (well, not Uncle Chuck, but he also doesn't respond to the term "party pooper" in the way I'd hoped).

Hold on to your seats, there's more. I've been conned into running a half marathon on October 4th, 2009. It's the Rock n Roll half marathon, and it is a San Jose community event, which means it is something that we should take part in. Letitia, Chris and I are going to try to run it, and Jason (the only one among us who actually runs) is going to be a water boy, or some other kind of volunteer. Let's hope I don't die or kill others in the process of training, since I hate running, as most of you know.

The church planting is off to a great start, although there is not much to report at this juncture to those of us not on our leadership team. It's just groundwork being laid and little things that God is doing to show us that He is for us, and that we are doing His work in His strength. Little things every day are affirming that we are supposed to be here, and that is really important when you have uprooted your whole life to answer a call to a city you barely know.

We covet the prayers of our friends and family. If you have a few extra dollars to throw our way, that would be appreciated also. To check up on us, you can always visit www.downtownsynergy.com and we will have a newsletter available soon to our prayer and financial partners (and other interested parties).

Here we go!!

Bearing

I've been thinking a lot about this word "bearing".

There are a few ways that it is used in modern life, such as "Bear with me". (Incidentally, many people misspell this as "Bare with me", which is essentially inviting everyone else to accompany you in getting naked.) Think about "bearing children" or a tree "bearing fruit". People speak of "getting their bearings" in a new place. Or perhaps when something awful tops off an already awful day, it is "more than you can bear".

There are uses of this word "bear" in the Bible; many, in fact. I've been thinking about two of the uses in light of recent occurrences in my family that have been especially difficult for me to bear.

Gal 6:2 Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

When things befall me or my family that are too heavy for me to bear on my own, I turn to others in the body of Christ that I know I can trust and literally ask them to bear my burdens with me. I ask them without shame to labor with me in prayer. I ask in complete dependence, knowing that they will come through for me. Not everyone in the church will be willing to do this with such alacrity, but it is Biblical! In college I really learned this. People go through hard times and some things were never meant to be borne alone. This is why Christ sent the Holy Spirit after Him to establish His church, His body, His bride. We were not meant to live the Christian life in isolation; it was meant to be lived in community. Bearing each other's burdens fulfills the law of Christ.


Eph 4:2 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

This is what comes into play when you are simply tired of bearing everyone's burdens and you just want to shout at them to grow up, bear your own darn burdens, and leave me alone! I have been there. There are times when one must summon an almost inhuman amount of patience and humility, knowing what Christ bore for us. Then we must choose again and again to be gentle and patient and bear with one another in love. This can be especially difficult when you are in the midst of bearing your own large burden, and then you are asked to bear with one another, too! And not just barely bear them, but to bear with them in LOVE. Ah, now that's when I need help.

And here it is: Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus speaking,

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (New International Version)

Just reading those words brings tears to my eyes. Think about someone telling you to come to them and that they will give you rest. I know I need that. I know many people who need lighter burdens, who need some rest for their souls. Right now I feel that I am one of them. Where in this busy, bustling world can you find it?

Look to the Good Shepherd. Look to His Word. Look to His Church. The burden He gives us is never too much to bear, as long as we do not try and bear it alone.

Notes on a Sleeping Husband

Today is the day that my wonderful husband finally graduates from seminary! Praise the Lord! We had to get up at 6:30am on this eventful day, just when you think you're done getting up early for a little while, and drive down to Parker for the commencement ceremony.

Chris graduated with a Master's of Divinity degree (with honors, of course) and I couldn't be more proud. My dad and I sat in the nosebleed seats of a giant auditorium and hooted and hollered for my honey when his name was called. He could still hear me, of course, even across the large room, the nature of my voice being rather audible.

He didn't sleep a wink last night while I slept like a baby ( a very content and happy baby ), so he is now exhausted and napping in our room at home. This is the home we will be leaving behind, the one we practically rebuilt together in preparation for our marriage. We only have a little over two weeks to go before we depart it, most likely forever. I won't miss the house so much as the life we've built here together, although I know that the life we build in San Jose will be equally exciting and equally "ours".

One part of the graduation ceremony that was especially poignant for me was when the entire auditorium full of people stood up to sing "Great Is Thy Faithfulness". This is one of my favorite hymns because I can sing it with confidence in both good times and bad. I believe it equally in all situations because my God has been so faithful on so many occasions that I feel I can't help but sing about it. (Plus, he gave me a voice with which to do it, so I do!)

Great is thy faithfulness, O God my Father. You brought Chris through six years of seminary. You brought Chris to me! You gave us a happy marriage with a purpose that is more exciting to me than anything that has happened in my life yet. Please pour out Your blessing on us for as long as we continue to heed Your voice. Great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.

What's New, Pussycat?

Chris and I got back on Tuesday morning from a little preliminary trip to San Jose. It was such a strange experience to actually BE in the place that we've been talking about, dreaming of, and praying over for so long...all four of the Downtown Synergy Team together. We had a good Night of Synergy, good times with our family and friends, good schmoozing opportunities, and a little bit of time off from our normal schedules.

Many people have been asking us, "Why San Jose?" I have a lot of good reasons now that I didn't have before, but the best reason of all that I can tell myself is the fact that God has called us there. Jason drove us up in the foothills a little bit so that we could get a good view of all of San Jose, which I have never seen from that vantage point before. As I looked out over the city, the Holy Spirit was definitely tugging on my heart. I had no real interest in the city before this venture, but as I looked out over the smoggy buildings and houses, 3rd most populated place in California, I started to cry. I can't really articulate why, but it was a mixture of brokenness, humility, and being completely overwhelmed by what God has called us to.

Probably the best thing that happened on the trip (for me) occurred on our last full day there. We met with Pastor Jeff Wenke of The Journey church in San Jose. He's a very cool guy that my grandma encouraged me to talk to, as he planted a church himself seven years ago in a similar area. We've sent him letters asking for prayer support, financial support, or missions support, and kind of explaining what we are hoping to do with Downtown Synergy.

He said to us, "I tried to ignore you guys. I didn't want to be involved. But I just couldn't." The Holy Spirit prompted him to be there for us, to help us, and he even asked us the church-planter's dream question, "What do you need?" At that point, we told him all we needed was prayer...lots and lots. But think about it...the Holy Spirit told him NOT to ignore our as yet tiny little venture. That, to me, is the ultimate in human affirmation. That means we are something worth helping. It means other people who are not our grandmas, uncles, brothers or moms want to be involved in this thing. It means God is with us, so who can be against us???

Praise the Lord! Anyone who has sent up a prayer...its working. Please continue to labor with us in prayer that we would continue in obedience and bring glory only to God. Amen

Check it out, I'm famous!

My friend Hannah Bath who graduated from and now works for the college I graduated from (Wesley Institute, Sydney), wrote an article about where I am and what I'm doing now!
I told her she makes me sound more intelligent than perhaps I really am. =)

http://www.wesleyinstitute.edu.au/wi/Releases/From_the_USA_to_Australia_and_back!.asp

Check it out!

Ned Kelly and Pretty Boy Floyd

A few of you know that I've been rather consumed with the research of my family tree recently. When I was just starting out, I was definitely standing on the shoulders of giants in terms of what had been researched before me. The whole reason I started doing this was because I saw that the Italian government will allow Italian descendants to become citizens if their emigrating relative never denounced their Italian citizenship. (I believe I have proven this and am very excited, but that is another story altogether.)

One branch of my tree is very English. Ancestry.com has a cool little tool that lets you click on a button that says, "Find famous relatives". I thought I would have none. I was very wrong! Because of the English side, my closest famous relative was Ralph Waldo Emerson, my 4th cousin (six times removed, since he was quite a bit older than me). I thought that was pretty sweet. I fancied this is where my literary bone comes from.

Then, I decided it was time to explore the Southern contingent. My paternal grandmother's family hails from the Southern parts of the United States since even before the states were united. I explored that branch of the family, and decided to click on "Find famous relatives" again, to see if anything had changed. We did have a Confederate Captain who died in the war on our side, after all.

Instead of dignitaries and former presidents, NOW my two closest famous relatives are Pretty Boy Floyd (I think they had his character in O Brother Where Art Thou...a caricature, at least), and Frank James (older brother of Jesse James). Floyd is my 5th cousin, three times removed (since he lived in the 30s) and James is 5th cousin, 4th times removed. I'm even related to the famous Aussie outlaw Ned Kelly (6th cousin, 4 times removed!

I don't know what there is to be said for all this, and I know it all just proves the whole Seven Degrees of Separation thing. What the heck is a 5th cousin anyway? How does that have anything to do with my daily life?

I've been pondering this, and I think there is something to be said about legacy in all of this. To be perfectly honest, I got more excited than anything that my great-great grandfather William C Opie listed himself on his World War I draft card as "Occupation: Minister of the Gospel". I think that is just so awesome. He didn't just write "minister" and try to get out of the service. The wording itself is a legacy to me. I get to read it ninety years later and think, "Yes, that is MY occupation, too." I feel a kinship with William C Opie that has to do with the fact that we are, in fact, related. But I feel a stronger kinship with him because of the shared place we have in the family of God. To me, the Kingdom family is just as important, if not MORESO than the family we were born into.

Although being 9th cousin of James Dean is pretty cool too.

When Your ID is Thieved...

(Is thieved even a word? I'm unsure, but I like it.)

So, this is the second time that I have been the victim of identity theft, or at least of a big old error on my credit record. And let me tell you, it is a severe pain in the *you pick a body part*.

I have spent so many hours on this, and it all seems to be like a giant wheel spinning around, and I am the not-so-giant hamster trying to keep up. Trying to save my precious credit sometimes seems like it is very important, and other times I am tempted to just let them have it! Go ahead, ding away!! I'm innocent!

The other day I actually got to talk to a real live human being in person about this whole thing. It was so nice. Not only was she sympathetic because she had recently gone through the same thing, but she was really nice and actually wrote things down that I told her, as if they were important in some way. This is mostly because she was with the Wheat Ridge Police Department, but still! She wasn't even typing it up while we were talking (she would do that later); she was writing things down with pen and ink on lined paper. So refreshing.

So now I get to put a "fraud alert" on my credit with all three bureaus, which I'm sure looks great to anyone who is checking my credit. Oh well.

All this serves to remind me of a few things.

1.) As cheesy as it sounds, I must remember that my true identity is in Christ, and no one can take that away from me.

2.) There is no worrying allowed for the Christian. God is in control of even such inane things as my credit. I can try and make things right through the best of my God-given ability, but ultimately I will look up and say, "You handle this! I'm done!"

3.) Money is not my god. Credit will not save me. There are more important things in life, so I won't sell my soul to this thing.

Sorry if those sounded trite, but I think they are so true. The only reason they sound silly is because we are juxtaposing the insignificant ways of man and his money with the ultimate power of the God of the universe. And when you put it that way, it doesn't sound half so scary after all.

The Revolution Continues

We are three and half months out from our potential move date to San Jose.

Three and half months?? When did that happen?!

Probably while I was stressing out about any of the following: my current work situation, or my family falling apart, or actually planning a move out to California, let alone what we'll do when we get there!

I'm not saying I'm worrying about these things, but being present in a stressful situation certainly can rub off on a person. I fully trust that God will take care of these things and all of my other needs, too. Meanwhile, my body needs each and every free minute it can get to process the things that are happening all around me.

Here are the things I am processing:

1. Leaving my current job situation and trying not to make it my worry to replace myself. That is my employer's job, not mine. Of course, I love my boss and will try to help her in any way I can, but if they are left in the lurch with no one to help run the site when I leave...well, that's not my fault! Also, finding a new job in addition to my full-time church planting job when we get to San Jose.

2. Which leads us to FINANCES. I don't really think I need to elaborate on this one, do I? Poor newlyweds uprooting to a new state to plant a church? God's got this one, so all I have to do is not freak out about it.

3. My Dad possibly going to jail and ex-step-dad possibly very soon dying of final stages of alcoholism. My heart breaks for my three sisters and my brother, because that is their father and there is no getting around that fact.

4. Keeping my eyes and heart fixed on God for everything having to do with my life, my marriage, the move, the church plant, family, friends, jobs, etc, etc, etc..

Hebrews 12:2 "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..."

Revolution!

Today we had our first official "Revolution" meeting as we like jokingly call it. I think it is because we feel like young rebels on the church-planting scene, meeting in coffeehouses and dreaming big dreams.

Things are becoming more and more tangible, for me at least, as we develop task lists, gain team members, and put actual dates in place for our move out to California. Jason is so all over everything, it is so amazing. I remember why I thought his church plant was such a good idea in the first place, which was immediately when it came out of his mouth and about ten minutes before I started dreaming of us going with him.

The fact that people are actually signing on to this thing, after much prayer and contemplation (Hi Letitia!), is one of the things that blows me away. Now I know a slice of what Jason must have felt when we told him YES. God is in, around, and through this thing, I can just feel it. Perhaps I'm too young to feel things in my bones, but as a woman, you are never too young to have intuition. Mine says that this is going to be a great venture.

If you're inclined, I would ask any readers to be praying for us in this time of planning and preparation. We know that we need God more than anything else, but a close second is finances! God can provide those, too, by the generous hearts of His people. I believe that prayer can bring this about.

So here's the the beginning of the revolution...may it be all God wants it to be.

Promise Keepers

This morning I was reading in the Bible about King David and how God promises him that he will never be forgotten and that his name and house will be great forever. I thought to myself, "I'm reading about him. Nearly everyone I know at least knows about him. God kept His promise!" And that is exactly what I was going to write about in this blog.

However, then I stumbled upon a headline that read "Obama to lift international abortion funding ban" and I yelled aloud, "WHAT?" Talk about keeping your promises.

I'm going to be very open and transparent with everyone here. This past election was a very difficult one for me, because by casting the vote that I did, and even by allying myself with the political party that I did, I felt like I was doing many things against type. I found myself in the rather childish and odd situation of trying to excuse myself to everyone. The commentary in my head ran like this: "I'm registering Democrat (Sorry Kev), but I'm not voting for Hillary (sorry Aunt Chris and other hopeful women of the US) because I don't trust her as far as I can throw her. I'm going against my conscience just a little bit (sorry conscience) in voting for Barack Obama (at least my generation will think I did the right thing) because of his very liberal views on abortion (sorry evangelical tradition and all the unborn babies of the world)."

In the end, Barack Obama at least is posturing himself to fulfill many of his campaign promises. I don't know what the heck he plans to do about the economy, and I doubt he's going to buy you a new house, Aunt Chris, or pay for my boss' $25,000 oral surgery. But he is probably going to try. Do I value his integrity? Yes I do. Am I filled with joy and pride when I look at the black community and see how filled with joy and pride they are at this election? Yes I am. Can I still feel some remorse about the abortion issue without saying that I think I was wrong to vote for Barack Obama?

Yes, I can.

Now enjoy this hilarious video courtesy of my friend Jared's roommates.

Farewell to a Great Man

I returned yesterday from a trip to my old hometown of Long Beach, CA. It was a nice trip, but the reason for it was sad: my grandfather's funeral.
When I heard that my grandpa Red had died, I was instantly transported back to January 2005, almost four years ago to the day, when my Grandma Betty (Grandpa Red's wife) passed away. I was there, along with many of her other family members, in the hospital room watching death ravage her body with each passing breath. People will speak to you about the peace of death, how it is simply a part of life and all that loveliness, but I tell you it is BULL. God created this world perfect, but because of SIN, there is DEATH. It is NOT natural, pretty, comforting, or any of these things. Watching my grandmother die did have a mystical element though, as I spoke to her not knowing if she could hear or understand, clutching her hand and reassuring her that we would miss her but that she was free to go. My grandma Betty loved Jesus and I know that I will be with her again when we all gain new bodies and get to be with God forever. That was the only hope or joy that there was in her death.
Fast-forward to four years later, nearly to the day, and my Grandpa, Sergeant Major Wilbur "Red" Jones left this Earth as well. I was summoned to Long Beach to say my farewells, and be with and be comforted by my family. Many of you know how my mother and my step-dad Kevin are no longer together, and might think that going to a family reunion (of sorts) with a family that is "technically" no longer mine would be a little awkward. But you would be wrong. The Jones/Klein family IS my family, and they welcomed me like family, and I read scripture at my Grandpa's funeral like family and we all took a shot a whiskey together like family (perhaps YOUR family doesn't do that at funerals...) to honor my grandfather's memory. It was a great day.
The Marines that were there to honor one of their own were a part of the ceremony that I will not soon forget. Not only were there two men left from his company, old men now with haircuts not unlike my grandfather's which never changed over the years, but there were young men there, too. These young Marines may have never met my Grandpa, but all they needed to know was that he was a veteran of three wars (WWII, Vietnam and the Korean Conflict) with the Marine Corps, a Sergeant Major, that he was a decorated hero and that he had done a great service to our country. His memory was honored with their presence, their respect, their gun salute, and a folded American flag enshrining the bullet casings from that salute. My dad Kevin was the one to receive this flag in my Uncle Dan's stead. It was a wonderful moment, and very soon after Kevin clutched my sister and I and told us, "My mom and dad are dead. You guys are more important than ever to me now." And indeed, the less of us that there are, the more important our remaining family becomes to us.
So although I met my grandma and grandpa Jones when I was probably about ten years old, and got to spend only half of my life with them, I miss them dearly. I wore a necklace that was a gift from my grandmother to both her and my Grandpa's funerals, and I carry their little cards from the Catholic funerals around with me in my wallet, to read the prayers on the back and remember them fondly by.
I will end with the scripture that I was privileged (and surprised, thanks Kev!) to read at this most recent funeral. I choked up because I always cry when things are happy, and I think that this is a comforting passage:
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18
Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words.

"I'm An Excellent Driver"

(Ahem, thank you, Rain Man.)
So, it seems that it just never ends when you get into two auto accidents in one year. Not only did I have to buy a new car, but then had to fix it when I crashed it again. Not only did I get dropped by GEICO, but we have to pay almost 1200 dollars to insure me for the next six months. Not ONLY am I reeling from all this money-spending and embarrassment that comes with crashing twice in one year, but then I get...a letter.

I came home last Thursday night, exhausted, only to receive a letter from the DMV informing me that I had twenty days to come in and retake not only the written but the state driving test as well. I cried for about two hours (again, like I did when I found out I was dropped by my insurance company) and made myself sick over thinking about taking that test again in Colorado, six years after failing my first three times in California. I could have sworn I had improved since then, but two accidents are glaring evidence to the contrary, no matter how many times people tell you that you are a good driver and that you have nothing to worry about. I nearly worried myself into an illness, and doubted my ability to operate any moving object bigger than a scooter-board. I began to fantasize about what it would be like to be a shut-in, have to ride the bus, and have to quit my job because it wouldn't be feasible to ride a bus two and half hours each way to work every day. How would I be a good wife and be able to run errands and do the shopping, etc, etc...? I was a mess.

So, in the midst of all my whining and crying and fearing and worrying, my gracious God and my gracious husband (or perhaps more rightly, my gracious God THROUGH my gracious husband) talked me down from my dramatic heights of hysteria and back into reality. I went from feeling like I was going to vomit every time I thought about driving to waking up on Sunday morning feeling inexplicably confident that I am a good driver and that I would pass the driving test.

So I went in this morning on my morning off, got up at 6:30am to drive through -8F degree weather and snowpack on the highways to take the test. I only got one answer wrong on the written, so it was on to the driving. My instructor warned me that if I lost control of the vehicle in any way (skidding or fishtailing, even because of the icy roads) that I would automatically fail and I would be issued a 60 day permit (where I wouldn't be allowed to drive alone) until I could get it together and pass the test. She asked if I would like to reschedule to when the roads were clear, and I decided it was now or never. If I was to prove myself to the DMV, I wanted it to be in those conditions!!

Needless to say, I passed. She barely had anything to say about my driving, except that I could go even slower than I was already going, considering the conditions, and that when I make left turns, I don't use the "hand-over-hand" method of steering. (Psh.) Apparently I'm fine on my steering in right hand turns. Go figure. So I thank God, my husband, and my friends for praying for me. I am so blessed to have lovely people around me. I am blessed to be able to drive, and I have vowed to remember that, and to take my driving a little more seriously than perhaps I have been previously. Lives are at stake, after all, not to mention thousands of dollars spent on every crash I decide to get into again!

Hopefully, I'm done with accidents forever (a girl can try!), and the DMV for quite some time, at least. Praise God!

Marriage Update - 3 months later...

Three months into marriage is apparently when people really start to bug you about whether you're pregnant or not. I don't know what has been going on, but I've gotten people asking me all over the place, in several different states and countries. I'm NOT, for the record. Not that I don't want a precious little Tenny baby some day in the not-so-distant future. I do, but I want the future to be a little more distant than sometime in the next six months before we move to California!

(Incidentally, due to the wonders of technology, here's what Chris and my baby is supposed to look like).

Anywho, this is supposed to be a marriage update, not a baby update. We are having so much fun being married. I'm sorry single people, but I just can't keep the secret: being married rocks. Perhaps we are still in our honeymoon phase, to be sure. Perhaps its that we didn't date for that long, so we're still in our honeymoon phase times two. Perhaps we are brainwashed. I don't know. All I know is, these three months have been awesome! The part that is stressful is having seminary and work schedules conflict and make us busier than we want to be. We have to run off somewhere, or write papers or something when we really just want to hang out and watch a movie and go to bed early. *wink*

We are getting excited and a little bit anxious about the whole moving to California to start a church thing, as is normal. The big idea doesn't scare me as much as all the small little details do. But what do they say, "God is in the details"? I believe it, but not perhaps the way that "they" mean it. (Whoever "they" are.) I believe that if God wants us to move across the country, then He'll continue to iron out the details and work His grand scheme in our lives to make it happen. It's the way He has always worked in my life, so I've come to expect nothing less.

So anyway, just thought I'd let you know that I'm a deliriously happy little redhead. I adore my husband, I really like knitting, and I'm quite excited for the holidays. Hurray!

NaBloPoMo

What?
I think it is funny the things that will arise from one good idea.
National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) has spawned (that I know of) National Screenplay Writing Month, and now National Blog Posting Month. I think a month of blog posts sounds like a good challenge. But would they be interesting, or just clog more internet space? If they were interesting, would anyone read them or care?

(Yes, I know you would, Kev, but you might fall asleep!)

Anywho, I'm not committed to a blog a day, so I get to blog when I feel I have something to say. Except right now, I don't really have that much to say.

However, I'm busy because a chick at work quit and I get her stupid hours because no one else can take them. Chris' birthday (31!) and Thanksgiving are tomorrow, which we will spend at his dad and step-mom's house with my dad being graciously invited along. I went on a little bit of a spending spree for my spouse...a little more than I wanted to actually spend, but then again, I wanted to make his birthday a completely separate entity from both Thanksgiving and Christmas, so I think it'll be worth it. I'm trying to dress him a little more like a California boy and prepare him to go plant some churches in NorCal. That's all I'll say, just in case he reads this! (doubtful)

I've also become completely enamored anew with knitting. Yes, I am a grandma at the ripe old age of 24. I'm on a website called Ravelry.com where I can check out patterns, log my yarn stash, post pictures of things I'm working on, and all for people to comment on and "favorite", of course. It's ridiculous. It's ridiculously fun and addicting. I'm finishing up a little teddy bear for Cordelia Marie, my cousin's new baby daughter, and I'm in the middle of knitting a coat for my niece Brooke, which I may or may not have done by the time her birthday (12/10) OR Christmas roll around. *sigh*

So that's about it. Shopping and knitting. Oh yeah, and I had my court day today for that accident I had a while back. The judge was actually very jolly and not mean or condescending at all. I got only two points off my license instead of four and a hundred and fifty dollar fine, which is about what we expected. Lame right before Christmas, yes. Especially with the skyrocketed rates of insurance for me =(, but we'll survive.

Churchling

Now that this church-planting business is more out in the open, I can finally blog about it! I've been writing prayers down for the past couple of weeks, and sending them to Jason and Chris, but I've been itching to just kind of write out what I've been thinking and experiencing in this process so far.

My first thought is, "Wow, God is so awesome." I mean awesome in the more biblical sense of the word...He fills me with awe.

My thoughts that come tumbling after are: "What the heck? Church planting? Where did this come from? We never dreamed of this. Why does God think we can do this?"

Many lovely people we know are realistic and tell us things like, "This is going to be the hardest and most painful thing you've ever done." I know that they are speaking from experience and trying to be helpful, but I am such an optimist that I almost completely disregard anything negative as "nay saying". Just like when people told Chris and me that our honeymoon phase would not last and that we would get used to each other, etc... I kind of know it is true, but I don't want it to be true, and in some sense don't we sort of create our own reality? Anyway, I'm kind of blathering.

So, I kind of feel like I'm back in college again. You know, sitting around in coffee shops, talking in very philosophical (or sophomoric!) terms, not knowing much about what we're getting into, and dreaming big dreams. And who didn't love college? So far, life hasn't been that terrible for me. Things generally work out, and though sometimes they are hard, I haven't had too many giant faith-shaking events. I feel I perhaps lived a charmed life, and that scares me a little because what if there really is a horrible world out there, just waiting for me to fail...instead of the sunshine and shiny happy people that I believe are there? Am I too naive? Is that necessarily bad?

I don't know anything about church planting. I barely feel like I know the men I am following out to California (well, I feel like I know Chris of course, but we HAVE only been married for three months!). I am totally trusting God alone, that He will take care of us, not give us more than we can bear, and that we will succeed or fail for the sake of the Gospel, and that there is nothing more noble than that in the whole wide world. Or else what are we doing?

The High Fidelity Game -or- How Opposites Attract

So, Chris and I were having Friday date night this past weekend, and since it was freezing outside and we had plans for a movie on Saturday, we didn't really want to go outside or see a movie and we were both a little too tired to play Risk or Backgammon or anything like that.
So my brilliant husband came up with something for us to do that was quite telling. He called out, "Okay, top 5 albums of your senior year of high school. Go." It was fun because we didn't just list them. We had to kind of explain them, and then play a sample song from the album for the other, so that they could get a sense of it. I thought the striking differences in our album choices were hilarious. Keep in mind that Chris was not a Christian yet, AND he wants you all to know that he graduated in the 90s in a weird time for music. But here are the lists in all their glory. (Keep in mind that these are representative of our lives at the time, and these albums did not necessarily come out in that same year or anything.)

Cassie - Top 5 Albums of My Senior Year of High School - 2002
1. Beck - Odelay
2. Belle and Sebastian - If You're Feeling Sinister
3. Cardigans - Life
4. Fiona Apple - When the Pawn...
5. Jennifer Knapp - Kansas

Chris - Top 5 Albums of My Senior Year of High School - 1996
1. Nine Inch Nails - Downward Spiral
2. Smashing Pumpkins - Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness
3. Stabbing Westward - Wither Blister Burn and Peel
4. Smile - Marquee
5. Rage Against the Machine - Self titled

Now THAT Is What I Call Hope...

Whether or not you agree with Obama's politics, reading this article brought a little tear to my eye. Even in my cynical state about our country, I still have enough youthful exuberance to feel as if I am a part of something greater than myself by casting my vote today. It is rare that I will say that about something political, but there you have it.
It was my very first presidential election today, and I felt pretty important to get to be a part of something big, no matter who wins the election.
As a side note, I think that it is important as Christians to remember what the Bible says about respecting earthly authorities.
1 Peter 2:13,14,17
Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right...Honor all people, love the brotherhood, fear God, honor the king.
Amen!

No Good Very Bad Week.

Far from wanting to air all my dirty laundry online and complain about how bad my life is at the moment, I still want people to know where I'm at and how I'm dealing with things that get thrown my way.

Thing 1: Car Crash (last Wednesday)
This is my second one of the year, and it was ALSO my fault. Don't dismiss me as a bad driver right away, though. In my humble opinion, this one was truly why they call them "accidents". I had terrible sun glare in my windshield, and couldn't see a single thing. I slowed down and tried to look in my rear view mirror in order to see if I could guide myself in that way, and realized I had drifted onto the wrong side of the road, because the road had curved right when I got blinded. *crash* The best part of all (she types, sarcastically) is that "driving on the wrong side of the road" is a four-point violation, and one which you MUST go to court over. D'oh. So now my car is in the shop (not badly injured, but enough to take four or five days to fix...) and I have a court date the day before Thanksgiving. Hurray.

Thing 2: In Sickness and In Health
Chris is sick. Hacking, coughing, spitting, cold-sore-getting sick. We sleep in the same bed every night. I am trying to get him not to breathe on me, but when you snuggle, that is a near-impossibility. Being newlyweds, not-snuggling is not an option. When my throat starts to feel tingly and swollen, I panic, because I cannot have a sore throat and do well at my work...it involves a lot of singing and talking over twenty loud two-year-olds. Not good. Also, my body does NOT deal well with stress, so I can actually feel myself shutting down. *sigh*

Thing 3: JAIL
Not me, but my dad. Without going into too much detail because things are very unclear at the moment, my dad got arrested this past Tuesday at five in the morning on some pretty serious federal charges. Talk about a bad week for the Bertolucci family. He bonded out of jail yesterday, praise God, which means he can keep his business afloat and get his crap together before his trial dates, which we are still unclear on. The justice system seems pretty vague on a lot of things at this point, which I suppose is for security and protection issues, but it is aggravating nonetheless.

Conclusion:
Lots and lots and lots of prayer. I am praying that my Joy remain ever before me, and that I do not fall into despair. I am grateful (oh so much) for a stable, loving husband who loves God and isn't prone to panic or be dramatic like I am. (He's a pessimist, but that's another story.) I am thanking God every day that I have a caring community of believers and friends around me who are excellent listeners, pray-ers, bolsters, and coffee-drinkers (which is important in times like these!)
Thank you, family and friends, for being those type of people. I love you immensely, and I hope I can do the same for you some day.

away from judgment

I'm attempting to leave harsh judgment of my fellow human beings behind.
I thought I wasn't judgmental. I thought I was open-minded.
Perhaps compared to some people, I was.
But compared to the way that my biggest hero viewed people, I am a bigot and Pharisee.
I apologize if this ever affected any of you. I love you and want to know you more for who you really are. I am attempting a shift in my life.
Pray for me!

Mawiage.

Just wanted to write an update for my thronging readers (hee hee).
I'm married and I am LOVING it. God really knew what He was doing when he brought Christopher into my life. I have found a wonderful person, and I won't waste time trying to find superlatives to describe him or our relationship. Suffice to say, we're in love and we're blessed, and that's all I can ask for!
I've moved up to Wheat Ridge, which hasn't been as tough as I originally thought. Some of my favorite things and people are still entirely too far away for my taste, but with the way the modern world runs, there are still all the same kinds of places one suburb up as there are in Lakewood. So besides the huge decision to move from King Soopers to Safeway, things really haven't been that difficult. I adjust fairly well, anyway, so moving is rarely tough for me.
Chris is working full time and going to school twice a week at nights. That's a little difficult for me because I'm only working about 25 hours, however I have had lots of time to get the house in order. It desperately needed to be transformed from bachelor pad/construction zone into a HOME. So, with my feminine touch, I have nearly succeeded. The extra time at home has actually been helpful for me to find my footing faster as mistress of the house. I think they call this "nesting".
Work is going well. We've just started our new fall schedule, so I'm still just barely getting started on that. New curriculum, new classes, new kids. It's all good, just a little scary starting out. I know I'll be fine, but there's nothing like the fear of failure to keep your job exciting! =)
Chris and I are both concentrating on keeping Sabbath these days. We're going through a book called Keeping the Sabbath Wholly by Marva J. Dawn (what a name!). So our Sundays are not spent in the normal yuppie fashion of errands, cleaning, remodeling or renovating. We go to church, read, drink hot beverages, play games, visit with friends, and maybe cook a meal if it is not too stressful. I can already feel the calming effect that a day of rest has had on me. I am less angry on the long commute to work!
That's about all I have to report. The wedding was gorgeous and the honeymoon was lovely. If anyone hasn't seen photos, just let me know and I can send you a link. If you're reading this on Facebook, just click under my photo albums to see them!

Commencing Countdown, Engines On...

Only two weeks from now, at this exact time of day, Chris and I will be riding off into the sunset (or, um, midday sunshine) in a bicycle rickshaw as man and wife!
But until then, we have a lot of work and stress ahead of us.
We've taken many strides in the right direction in the past week, though. We've finished the flooring everywhere downstairs except the bathroom, and put most of the base cabinets into the wall. I myself finally got taught how to use the miter saw and the jigsaw, so I got to do a large part of the kitchen flooring myself while Chris prepared a sermon for today. My lovely father has been over working hard for us, too, along with some of his employees, and they've painted our living room and put in baseboard and door trim, among many other details.
Chris and I finally found a time where we could go down to the Jefferson County Courthouse and get our marriage license. I have a very fancy paper in my possession now, just waiting for our signatures. I think in the state of Colorado, we'd basically just have to sign it and we could be married, but of course we'll wait for the day and the pastor and all the trimmings. =)
It's been really surreal for me to take a step back, look around, and realize all the things I do in a day that I'll soon be doing for the last time as a single woman. Things like brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed will seem solemn and ritualized for the next couple weeks, as I do them for the last time alone in my father's house.
I've started to think about what kind of wife I'll be, and if I'll be any good at it. I've thought about a few years down the line, what our marriage will look like, will there be children, and will they be cute like their parents? Ha ha. It's such a bewildering experience to count down the days of singleness, realizing (and praying!) that they will never come again. The next two weeks will bring my last week of work until I'm back from my honeymoon. It will bring many friends and relatives from afar, all descending on Denver for our big day. I'm the most excited to see all of my sisters and my brother in one place again, and also to meet my sister Rebecca's boyfriend Justin, whom she has been dating for quite awhile while she's been at sea. Then there's all the Australians, traveling farthest of all to see me, and I'm just so excited I could pop!
It's going to be a marriage, a reunion and a great party all in one day, and Chris and I will be at the vortex of it all, trying to keep our heads and not vomit with happiness (and nerves!). God help us!

Weddings and Remodels and Summer, Oh My...

So, I realize that the last time I wrote a blog was late May.
I also realize I have probably a grand total of 5 readers (hi Kev!), so probably not that many people miss me, but here I am again, regardless!
Soooo, wedding planning is time consuming, sure. But what will get you is when you try to remodel the entire bottom floor of your future house simultaneously!
Chris and I had the brilliant idea that we would not only rip out all the carpets and put in new laminate flooring, but we would also get rid of all those pesky old cabinets and make the kitchen a nicer place to cook in. (Good for making your new wife happier about preparing your meals...)
So now poor Christopher is living in a construction zone with possible defective flooring (about a literal half ton of it) and partially constructed cabinets strewn about, while I languish away in a house with my dad and new roommate, which is becoming increasingly bachelor-ized with each passing day. (Note to roommate: not even an industrial dishwasher is supposed to clean off a peanut buttery knife all on its own!)
This summer is very interesting, as a result, as Chris takes on more responsibilities at work and I wonder how I'm ever going to commute 20 miles each way making what I do and with gas prices being what they are. How are we going to make time for each other when we're married and have all this "stuff" to do separately? How are we going to live if the house isn't done by the time we get back from our honeymoon? Where is the wedding planning in all of this mess? Who am I, where am I, and why is there a chicken strapped to my waist??!!
But I'm not freaking out. I'm rather calm. When my world is so topsy-turvy, I can't help but just step away, take a deep breath, and use that breath to exhale a prayer to our Father who cares about my well-being. He doesn't need to, because He's got a lot of other world problems to think about, but my Father will make sure the house gets done in due time. He cares about priming and texturing, and He cares about our laminate flooring. He's also given us people who care for the things we do, and who are willing to do something about it.
For all of this: wedding, remodels and summer, I am thankful.

Font of All Wisdom...

...Blog Things. Ha ha.
But no really...this one was cool.

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be more relaxed, calm, and composed. With respect to money, you spend carefully and save your pennies. You think good luck depends on maintaining good relationships with others. The hidden side of your personality tends to be satisfied to care for things with a minimal amount of effort. You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked. When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you base your search on information from your friends.

Who's The True You?

Why I Snarled in Bed Bath and Beyond

Yesterday Chris and I decided we would put the final touches on our wedding wishlist and go register at Bed Bath and Beyond. We had gone to Target last Friday and had a fun time with the scanners, going around and trying to find some fun and slightly ridiculous things to scan so people could have a little fun while shopping for us (if they choose.)
As background, I originally resisted going to Bed Bath and Beyond because I think it is a snooty place and I've never bought anything from anyone's registry there (mostly because it seems like everything is over fifty bucks and I was so poor during college, etc...) However, their return policy is one of the best I've ever heard of, and so we were compelled to try it out, with thoughts of 8 un-returnable toasters dancing in our heads, spurring us on.
So we go in, and the dude is nice and all, encouraging us to register for things we don't need because we can get free gifts just for registering for them. However, the problem was that most of the free gifts we didn't need either, and that was one of the first things that started making me a little bit upset: need vs want syndrome is fine, but this was don't need/don't want vs FREE syndrome.
When we were finally set loose, I was alright to let Chris go a little crazy with the pots and knives, because having a husband who will cook is enough of a reward for me, in this instance.
It was when we got to towels that I started getting agitated. I looked on the self-proclaimed "Helpful Checklist" that Bed Bath and Beyond had provided for us, and saw that they think we should all invest in three sets of towels per person per bathroom. I was already thinking to myself, "What a racket!". But when I saw the little part of the checklist that read "decorative finger towels" and "bath sheets" and "bath mats" closely followed by "bath rug", I started getting really, really angry. Like, oddly angry right in the middle of the towel section. Chris tried to ask me what the heck was wrong with me (in a loving way, of course), and I started snarling at him about people starving in third world countries and I'm being compelled to buy a "f***ing decorative FINGER towel?" I did not really cuss, I think, but I mouthed it, which is really just as bad.
The rest of the time passed rather uneventfully, despite a mild disagreement regarding fine china, but I was left wondering why I am such a crazy person sometimes when it comes to the stupidest things. I've had a few days to think it over, and I've come to a tentative conclusion, which might sound crazier still, but there you go.
One of my spiritual gifts is perceiving, see. When I get into a consumer-driven, high-cost environment like Bed Bath and Beyond, there might not actually be a dude there pressuring us into $400 crockery sets, but the spirit is there. The whole place is saturated with it, and so you'll recall I snarled that I was being "compelled" to buy things, even though there was no salesman there? That's what I mean! I felt it just as surely as if some slick, suited man was there spouting facts and figures at me.
Don't get me wrong, I don't really feel any less crazy, but at least my craziness has a half-baked reason behind it. Stupid consumer-driven culture that I willingly participate in!

Moonstruck

94

OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets

Hey, I'm getting much better!

Anyway. The other day I was marveling about a certain aspect of our culture that I wanted to write about, but I just haven't gotten the chance to until now. So here I go.
(end awkward introduction.)

Chris and I watched Moonstruck the other day, after years of having people tell us that we have to see it, and also years of wondering how Cher could be a good enough actress to warrant any kind of award. So Chris got it on his Netflix, and we sat down to watch it.

There were some charming moments mixed into all the ridiculousness, but most of the time we were sitting there confused (and really upset by how early Nick Cage started acting that badly). The final scene kind of tied everything together and saved the film a little bit in our eyes, mostly because it was really funny, but I still had major problems with the entire plot, and here's why.

There is something about our culture and the films of our culture which leave us rooting for people in the movies that we would never root for in real life. Cher is a lonely, aging widow, who thinks that she can find happiness by marrying a man she doesn't love. She becomes engaged to him, which signals a promise in our culture. We understand pretty early on that the man she's engaged to is not the man she'll end up with at the end of the film, which sets up the whole plot from the beginning.

So Cher meets Ronnie, Johnny's brother, played by Nick Cage, and we see the sparks fly and she sleeps with him and he falls in love with her. Immediately, everyone is supposed to be rooting for this relationship to happen, because Cher is actually in LOVE with Ronnie. LOVE trumps promises and propriety. What if a close friend of mine behaved that way? I wouldn't be like, "Aw, its so cute that you're in love with him. Who cares about your fiance, everyone knows that you're in LOVE with his brother, so that makes it all okay in the end." It was especially odd because I was sitting next to my own fiance while watching all of this!

It happens thus in many films, not only ones made fairly recently. If a man or woman cheats on their partner or spouse, but its for LOVE, then it becomes automatically alright. Even we as movie-going Christians can probably admit to wanting the guy to end up with the nice cool girl instead of his demanding and domineering wife. Just leave the mess you've made and give up because you've fallen in love with someone infinitely cooler? It's just not biblical! If real people were acting this way, we'd be up in arms and telling them to go to counseling and save their marriage at all costs! Why is it different in the movies?

I think it is just another subtle way that a secular worldview worms its way back into our hearts and minds. I feel like I need to be much more vigilant about what I watch. Its strange how the Holy Spirit has worked in my life to get me to this point, but there you go. Moonstruck wasn't really worth watching after all, except for ONE redeeming part of the film: Cher's mom, who knows her husband is cheating on her, has the chance to invite a gentleman up to her room one night to have an affair of her own. She, however, does NOT choose to do so. He says, "Oh I'm sure there are people around and we wouldn't want to get caught." She says, "No, I'm not inviting you into my house because I know who I am..."

We as Christians really need to know who we are in Christ, so as not to get moonstruck by who the world expects us to be.

100 Days of Singleness

73

That had nothing to do with anything except that I was glad to beat Paul (although Paul, that was my second time. First time I totally blanked and didn't get how the thing worked, but I took the second time directly after, with no cheating.)

Anyway.

Yes, I have a mere 100 days until I get to marry Chris and become Mrs. Tenny. I was mentioning to Chris yesterday that I should probably be savoring these last days of being single, but mostly I'll just be happy to live in the same house as him and have someone to come home to every night. The very best part is that "someone" will be the man that God planned for me to marry, so that's always good.

Meanwhile, we are getting through the beginning phases of wedding planning alright. There has been stresses here and there, and some tears on my part, but things have smoothed out already. I'm not anticipating that finalizing the guest list will be any kind of walk in the park, but I'm prepared for conflict. I'm prepared to not demand my own way, because although the guest list will be an essential element of the wedding day, it will NOT be an essential element to a happy and long-lasting marriage. We must continue to keep all things in the proper perspective. And really, anytime that Chris and I anticipate conflict, it rarely arises. It's so interesting how much more we get along than even we expect of ourselves.

I've got my dress picked out, both venues booked, the wedding website up and running (www.theknot.com/ourwedding/CassandraBertolucci&ChristopherTenny), wedding invitations designed, we've got our preliminary guest lists written and colors picked for the ceremony and reception, Chris has the officiant picked and notified, counseling to begin in the next few weeks, far away guests notified, and I think that's all for now. This weekend we'll finalize the guest list and invitation wording, and we might even get to start thinking about where we want to register for gifts! We haven't even been engaged for two weeks, so I think we're rather right on track.

So that's where we're at. We're more in love than ever, and I'll just comment that I think there's something to be said about change of status going from "Dating" to "Engaged". There's definitely a huge shift in attitude and direction (obviously), and I think that it affects the relationship in so many interesting ways. We are able to (and will have to) talk about things and consider things that wouldn't have been appropriate to discuss or consider before I had a ring on my finger. It's all new and exciting, and I'm just pumped about starting my married life in 100 days and counting!

Why I hate cake and flowers...

Okay, I don't really hate flowers, but I do resent the fact that anyone expects me to drop any amount of money on something so ephemeral for my wedding day. Just get married in a GARDEN! (If anyone knows of a garden that will not steal my unborn children's college fund just to hold my wedding ceremony there, please let me know immediately!)

And cake. WHAT is the DEAL with this tradition? I hate cake! (Not the band...I love Cake with a big C). And most wedding cakes taste even worse than a normal cake, and yet this is another thing that people spend painful amounts of money on. For what? So they can take the same pictures that everyone else takes of you feeding the cake to each other? As if that really happens in the rest of your married life! If Chris tried to feed me cake, I'd be tempted to bite his finger. But he would know enough not to, because he's smart like that.

I'm sorry if I sound like a crazy and enraged human being (Freudian slip=I almost typed "engaged" instead of "enraged"), but that is exactly what I feel like. Is wedding planning supposed to feel like banging your head against a brick wall? Because if it is, then I have nothing to worry about and I'm on the right path.

Sigh. End vent.


For now.

Big Week Got Bigger.

On Saturday, I got popped the question. Which question, you ask?
No, you probably don't ask. There is only one BIG question.
Chris met me at the door of his house after I had spent a long day in adoption classes. He was wearing his "I'm A Catch!" t-shirt, which made me laugh, plus a big ol' grin.
He gave me a kiss and I came in and asked him how his day went as I put my purse down. He told me something about Frisbee Golf with our church friends. As I turned to face him, he was standing really close and broke out with, "I need to ask you something!" I barely got time to stammer out, "Okay" when he was down on one knee and asked the aforementioned question.
And so, in the grand tradition, I said, "Awww Honey, of COURSE I'll marry you!" He didn't pop open the ring box at that moment, but rather handed it to me in a gift box. So after a bit of anticipation of opening two boxes...this is what I get to wear.

It's perfect. He was so glad that I liked it, and relieved. But I said, "What's not to like?" I was more looking at him when I said it, though. =)
We're most likely going to be joined in holy matrimony on August 10th of this year. So now, in addition to looking for a new car as my insurance stops paying for my rental, I am now the proud owner of a big ball of stress called "wedding planning". Then again, I am also the proud...um...owner (whatever) of a fiance! So it all evens out in the end.
The amount of people that I know and love and even the amount of perfect strangers that have told us that we look and act like we completely belong together, well, that's encouraging. Knowing that God had His mighty hand in all of this, that's what makes me so confident in this impending marriage. We are going to be such a great team, because besides getting along wonderfully and being totally in love, we've got God on our side to remind us of what true love looks like.

A Big Week

This week started out normally, but it has gotten increasingly interesting as the days have passed.
Tuesday I was in a car crash that was my fault. I went through a green light that was very closely followed by a red light and just didn't see the latter. So, I daydreamed through a red light and slammed into some poor woman just trying to turn left to get to her second job. I totaled my Corolla and her Ranger. Lame.
The next couple of days I just spent in a funk, with my neck stiff and my outlook not-so-great. Wednesday it snowed a ridiculous amount, and we went out for a prayer walk...in the snow...in the dark. At least it gave me some perspective, and it ended in a hot tea and time with friends. (It also made me fall more madly in love with Chris, who despite all the odds and the whining, still insisted that it was our "Mission Week" and that we should Walk and Pray! What a man.)
Yesterday I found out that I'd need to return my rental car by Monday because the insurance company had cut me a check. The check is barely enough to cover a good used car, but I can finance and pay $50/month for the next two years to get something that I want that is slightly more expensive.
Today I had adoption training from 5pm to 9pm, and tomorrow it will be from 8am to 4pm. I didn't really know what to expect, but I thoroughly enjoyed the format, learned a lot and never got bored. It was amazing. Tomorrow we get a Continental Breakfast, too...I suppose as a consolation prize for getting out of bed at a rather ungodly hour on a Saturday.
So, things are looking up. I feel better about life, I'm more in love than ever (with both God and Chris), and I am convinced that there is no victory too small for Christ to see and give to us if we ask in faith and good motive.
Our God is the God of the universe, but he is also the God of my used car purchase! Yay for Him.

Lord, I was born a ramblin' (wo)man...

Every year I have a day when I decide that, for me, it is officially spring.
Last year I donned a very festive green skirt, even though there were still patches of snow on the ground, and decided, "Too bad for the snow, cause its spring!"
This year, its today! I have a day off, the sun is shining, I went for a tiny Savers shopping spree ($11 and some-odd cents) and I really enjoyed driving with the windows down. If you know me, you know this is one of my most favorite things to do. Unfortunately, gas prices being what they are, the concept of going for drive might soon to become obsolete! Anyway, I was almost home from the shopping trip when the Allman Brothers came on the radio, singing "Ramblin' Man", which just so happens to be one of my all-time favorite driving/road trip tunes!
In honor of the "Cassie-decided" first day of spring, I drove right past my house and made a large loop just so I could feel the wind in my hair, the sun on my skin, and sing, "They're always havin' a good time down on the bayou, Lord...them delta women think the world of me!"
So, I just wanted to let you know...its official. Spring has sprung! =)

Protest.

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
- Dave Barry

Ha ha, I just thought that quote was funny on iGoogle this morning, although it really has nothing to do with my thoughts today except for that word "Protestant".
I have been watching The Tudors on my Netflix for a few weeks now. Even though I feel like I know the story of King Henry VIII quite well, it has been very interesting to see how they choose to dramatize certain things and which parts of the story they choose and all that. It is also cool because they must have money enough to hire good actors, because people like Sam Neill, Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Jeremy Northam all play part in the royal court, giving it a little more star power than your average TV program.
Jeremy Northam, in fact, plays Sir Thomas More, a great name in church history, and a man of very sensitive scruples trying to survive in the royal court and keep his integrity as a man of God. He sees that his beloved Catholic Church is crumbling in England before his very eyes and uses his newfound power as Chancellor of the Realm to try and quash Reformers he sees as heretics. He gets to the point where he is so frantic against Martin Luther, Reformers, and the fact that the King of England is considering major reform of his own, that Sir Thomas More begins to burn the heretics. He doesn't go crazy or anything, but in the season finale, when the King asks him how many he's burnt, More replies, "Six. But all according to law. And all well done."
Stick with me here, I'm trying for more than a synopsis...I do have a point! One of the heretics that More decided to burn was a man called Mister Fish. He had written a pamphlet stating that (horror!) the Holy Scriptures should be available to every person in their own native tongue, and that Christ had appointed us all to a royal priesthood, and therefore we had no need of priests on the Earth. This is basic Protestant stuff. But Mister Fish was BURNED at the stake for writing such a thing. BURNED!! He went to his death with Catholic priests uttering Latin prayers towards him, and when asked to recant of his heresy, he instead starts boldly praying The Shepherd's Psalm IN ENGLISH as he is engulfed in flames.
I thought about that today as I read my Bible in Greek, but then was able to read it again out loud in English, which of course I can readily understand. I often think about people in China who have died for possession of one page of the Holy Bible...one page which lead them to Christ and eternal life and which they probably treasured above all other things. Someone translated it into their Chinese dialect, and that is not heresy anymore. I don't often think about the people who were burned at the stake and thrown out of the Holy Catholic Church for paving the way for things like that.
Doesn't it make you want to kinda hug your Bible a little bit? Is that sacrilegious? I don't really know. It makes me appreciate all the more the Reformers who stood up in a dangerous time to things that were revealed to them to be wrong. They gave us the Bible in our own language, and the belief that we are a holy priesthood and that we are all saints. They even gave us the right to wear hideous clothes and play golf and have Dave Barry make jokes about us...because without the blood of the martyrs, what sort of Church would we be?

The Ultimate TEST! (dun dun dunnnn)

Well, here we are. Lent is over; Easter was a joyous day spent reflecting the wonder of our risen savior among many friends. And this past weekend was spent in what is meant to be one of the ultimate relationship tests: traveling with the beau.
Chris and I embarked on a plane pretty early in the morning this past Friday en route to San Jose, California for my cousin Brittany's wedding. Even early in the morning, Chris and I had no disputes or tiffs or anything of the sort. We flew together fine, we waited together fine. We woke up in the same house and kissed each other good morning just fine. And even when our flight back to reality required us to wake at 4am, we got along perfectly well. And even when the only tension of the trip, a ticking clock and a very, very flat tire, presented itself...we handled it as a team. Perhaps my part of the team was the shivering-cold,-don't-do-anything-to-get-in-his-way part, but I did give input on "righty-tighty, lefty-loosey", as well as help reattach some bolts.
All in all, someone mentioned near to the END of the trip that it was supposed to be a really difficult thing, or a really telling thing, to travel with the one you love (but the one you aren't legally required to stay with yet). If that's true, then either Chris and I are still firmly in the lovey-dovey phase (well, yeah) or we just get along really well (also yeah). Either way, it was a lovely weekend with family and a beautiful ceremony and reception, and I'm very grateful that I got to be there!

Shut up and sleep.

I have learned that in our busy world, sometimes rest can actually be a discipline. I woke up this morning at 6:30am, after having a rough night of sleep, and only getting to bed at midnight anyway. I was in pain, and I knew I would have to get up to take something, so I thought, 'What the hay, the I might as well get up and pray since I probably couldn't get back to sleep if I tried.'
I ate some yogurt so I could take an Aleve, made myself a cup of tea, then sat down to read my devotions like I always do these days. I got through the reading, barely. I had to read most sentences twice because I couldn't focus for the life of me. I literally kept nodding off, and no amount of slapping myself or drinking my tea was helping to keep me awake. I thought, 'I can't nod off while I'm praying, that just defeats the whole point of getting up early to pray!' This has not been a problem the whole time I've been trying to get up early to pray for Lent.
So, after fifteen minutes of staring like a zombie, open-mouthed and half-lidded, I decided it would be better if I just went back to bed for an extra hour of sleep. I would get up at the normal time, alert and ready to pray.
Or not.
I didn't get up until 9:30am this morning, and I'm not going to lie to you, it felt GOOD! I don't feel guilty or anything like that, I just feel rested and jolly and ready to face the day.
And, at 58 degrees in February, what a day it will be!

Wake Up and Smell the Nation.

So, in case you're slightly behind in my life, the season of Lent started on Wednesday (Ash Wednesday) and instead of "giving something up", as many people are wont to do, I have decided to rise an hour earlier every morning in a practice of discipline. In that extra hour of time in the morning, I also practice other disciplines, including (but not all together!) prayer, meditation, Bible-reading, exercise, silence, and others.
Okay, you're caught up.
So today being a glorious and unseasonably warm day, I decided that I would get straight up out of bed, slap my shoes on, grab scarf, jacket and sunglasses and head out the door to walk the mile around the lake right next to our house. I had a song stuck in my head, one that I had first heard in Australia. Some of the snippets are,

You said, Ask and you will receive whatever you need...
You said, Ask and I'll give the nations to you.
Oh Lord, it is the cry of my heart."

The cold woke me up pretty quickly, but it still took me about 3/4 of a mile to figure out for what reason this song could be running through my head this morning. I finally thought, Hey perhaps I'm supposed to pray for our nation. *silence* Where the heck do I start?!
When I got home, I sat down to read my devotions and my Bible. Today's passage came from 1 Timothy 2:1,2. I read it in the Greek first, understood about 1/8 of the words (this is a humbling daily discipline), then read it in English. The devotion was about how important it is to pray for our leaders, no matter whether we agree with them or not. If a nation is united in its prayer, not for the success of their personal agendas, but for THE GOOD OF THE NATION, I believe we'd get a lot more accomplished.
If I pray for George W., it does NOT mean that I agree with everything he does, or that I think that he's listening to the voice of God just because I'm praying for him! (Yikes!) It means that I care about our nation and our people, and I don't want to see it come to ruin. I think its good that we've been taken down a peg or two, but I certainly don't want to be invaded, or have our economy crash or anything! These are things I can be praying for.
This is so pertinent, I think, in the face of recent Super Tuesday events. People are so excited about ousting the current president, that its easy to forget that he's still in the White House, plugging away until next year! Our leaders need our prayer! Not only our fathers, pastors, congressmen, and senators, but our President and all the people bidding for his seat for the next four years. Our whole land lies in the balance. God will not bless sin, but that doesn't mean He won't let us realize the consequences of our actions as a nation. However, I do believe He will uphold a nation of praying believers!
My personal challenge for today will be to pray for our nation, and in the words of Paul in his first letter to Timothy, "...for kings, and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness."

Into the Great Wide Open

(Thank you, Tom Petty)
It's so amazing. Life is very unpredictable, and as much as you think you might know where you are going and what you will be doing ten years from now, you can never truly be sure. I, for one, relish this. Not knowing where you're going is so exciting, and it really makes you rely on God all the more.
Take me, for instance. I have no idea where I'll be in the next six months, let alone ten years. Six months from now, my life could radically change forever or it could look generally the same. What do I know? I could be married, single, at home, abroad, happy, freaked out, contented, uneasy...all of the above...
That's life! It's great! I wouldn't go to a psychic/soothsayer/tarot reader/general future-knower if you paid me, because I don't want to know what's ahead for me. God doesn't want me to know, either, because He knows I probably would start planning and getting too worked up about things and forget completely about the "now", the things that are right in front of me, the work I've got to do to get where I'm going. He's pretty smart like that.
I want to pray through every step I take.
Throughout Lent, I hope to be doing just that with my extra waking hour in the morning. It will be so great to see how this works itself out in practice. I'll keep you updated. This is going to be great!
PS. Our trip to the mountains this past weekend was great. If you don't believe in God, I suggest you move to the Rocky Mountains and then shut your trap. You've got nothin'.

We Are Family...

I had quite the talk with my youngest sister tonight over the phone, which is probably the longest we've gotten to talk since last May when we traveled the Mediterranean together. We spoke about things that are exciting (we're both in love with men seven years older than us), things which frighten and distress us (family issues...long story), and things that make us happy and make us laugh (each other).
I find it so interesting that though the adults in our lives, the people who were are parents, have made such ridiculously bad decisions that have torn us apart, though life has taken us and scattered us all over the world, though we grow older and mature in ways that are separate, we remain sisters through it all. This goes for my older sisters and my little brother, too (who remains my brother, not my sister!). There is a love that is inexplicable as it is delightful, that binds us as nothing else in the world does. It is truly a gift from God that five people with messed up family trees could grow up and still want to have contact with one another, still be involved in the lives of the others in a positive way.
I value my relationships with my siblings so much. I thank God that He saw fit to bless me with these four very different and amazing people. We are family, in the truest sense of the word.

Lengthening of Days

It has been quite awhile since I've written here, and I plan on being much more deliberate from now on.
This has been prompted partly by the advent of the season of Lent. Though I attend a Baptist-affiliated church, and was raised in non-liturgical churches in my youth, I think I have explained in previous years why I choose to celebrate certain seasons of the liturgical calendar. The simple explanation is that I had a Catholic grandmother who was excellent at explaining the importance she found in liturgical observances, and I clung to them because I saw how they benefited her in her walk with Christ. Also, I'll admit it, I like structure! =)
At any rate, my wonderful pastor/boyfriend gave a stirring message at church last night about fasting and the different ways it can be done and the good and bad reasons to fast. He, too, was prompted by the oncoming Lenten season to begin thinking of things he could do to observe the 40 days leading up to Easter. We were all encouraged as a congregation to think about things that have become compulsions for us, things which tear us away from our focus on God, addictions, things we like a little too much, etc... and to consider them all prayerfully as things we could fast from.
I have thought and prayed, and I have decided that I am going to get up one hour earlier every day of Lent in order to take more time with God in the morning. This could mean reading my Bible, praying, reading a devotion, meditation, worship or any number of other disciplines that I need to be better at (which is every discipline, really). In addition to this, I am going to limit my internet usage to one hour a day. Really, I don't need it for my job and anything else is just a waste of time. I do not need more than an hour to check my e-mail and write a blog, for heaven's sake!
So, I guess I could glut myself on sleep and internet until next Wednesday, but maybe I should begin preparing for the fast now.
Signing off!